AIBU - What would you have done?

[TheQueensCorgi]

Name changed. Meeting at work (large company, very big on rights for all) and at the end we shook hands with others. I was the only woman in the room and when I got to a man (not white), I put out my hand and he said ‘Sorry I don’t shake hands with women’, and walked off.

I kind of stood there not really knowing what to do next, a few of the men who had overheard still in the room said he never shakes hands for religious reasons.

What would you have done? Would you brush this off? I felt like a second class citizen and quite embarrassed. Should I just be accepting of the fact this was his view or do I have the right to be annoyed ?

UrsulaPandress

Yes! And then explain its part of your religion!

RosaWaiting
Then he still respects the culture and customs of this country

*Trumpleton Sun 30-Jun-19 20:37:23

Your company should have some kind of policy on this to avoid women feeling like second class citizens due to someone's religious beliefs. It's totally unacceptable imo. Discriminatory, sexist, belittling and bloody rude.*

This ^^
Assuming you are in the UK - we are a notionally Christian country, but predominantly secular, that has protected rights for a number of individuals including women. I dont think what he did was acceptable, but I do think he should be allowed to follow his religion (if that were the reason). So the company does need to find a way through that doesnt result in women's rights being considered to be less important than religious rights. I do hope you take the matter further.

pantry so are you okay if he shakes hands with no one?

I use body language to avoid shaking hands where possible. Obviously this guy is just a rampant misogynistic git, but I’m interested to know if you think everyone should shake hands.

Religious beliefs have no place in the workplace (unless you work in a church /mosque / synagogue of course).

It's not acceptable to refuse a woman certain medications because of your religion.

It's not acceptable to turn down a homosexual couples custom because of your religion.

It's not acceptable to disrespect women in the workplace because of your religion.

Leave your religion at home. If you're in a secular public space you need to behave accordingly.

Also, those of you saying OP was in the wrong for initiating a handshake: OP had seen this man shake hands with the men in the room. How was she to know he was a superstitious misogynist?

Sure, some cultures do not use handshaking as a social ritual, but most people who are going to another country on business are either briefed by their employers about the social customs or expected to inform themselves about such things. And most people are willing to accommodate different cultures' social customs in a business meeting context as long as doing so doesn't insult/inconvenience/upset the other attendees. As some PP have said, there are superstitious men who manage to be gracious and not discriminatory in a professional setting.

He was rude. Men who won’t touch women do it because they think women are voracious beasts who will seduce them, infect them with their licentious ways or, frankly, because they’re dirty and might somehow sully them with their revolting menstrual blood. I wouldn’t be happy with someone effectively saying they didn’t want to touch me for any of those reasons. And just because it’s a ‘sincerely held religious view’ doesn’t make that any better. Sincerely held religious views haven’t been that good for women in lots of unpleasant and violent ways throughout history. They need to get over it or find a job where they can work in a male only environment.

Bloody hell some of the replies are shocking.
Why is it so rude? He hasn't dropped a burka over the OPs head and demand she books her tickets for hajj (religious pilgrimage)
I've had people with ASD not want to make eye contact or shake hands with me (I'm an aspie AND Muslim so works great for me!) Is that rude though? No. Everyone has the right to chose who they touch, there doesn't have to be a reason.
Live and let live, he's hardly causing any harm by adhering to his beliefs. Well done to him, it's hard in this day and age to follow Islamic customs without being seen as "extreme".

Ha ha ha hajj

No offence but think you are over reacting. Yes I would have felt wrecked at the time but it's his beliefs not rudeness. I would let it go x

Live and let live, he's hardly causing any harm by adhering to his beliefs. Well done to him, it's hard in this day and age to follow Islamic customs without being seen as "extreme".*

Oh my god I've never laughed so much.

Why the hell are we having to have these discussions again in this day and age? Why? I thought we'd left the women are dirty temptresses oh we can't touch them lest we look unfaithful back in the dark ages.

The scariest thing is that this man is 22!

Report him.

Live and let live, he's hardly causing any harm by adhering to his beliefs. Well done to him, it's hard in this day and age to follow Islamic customs without being seen as "extreme".

What if his religious beliefs told him not to shake hands with black people? Or gay people? Or people in wheelchairs?

That okay?

@butchy but that's hypothetical and a far reach from the actual situation.

So if I was in his position would I be forced to shake hands with a male?
I don't shake hands with men - I never put my hand out I will just smile and say sorry I don't shake hands with men. Simple.

It made me feel less because I am a female.

He didn't do that you did. He doesn't have control over your feelings.

I don't do hugs and cheek kisses with people I'm not familiar with even though most people do these days. I back off and just say hello. It's not my issue how they feel about that.

What if his religious beliefs told him not to shake hands with black people? Or gay people? Or people in wheelchairs? Which religion suggests that?

And what if someone didn't want to shake hands with someone because they are gay/non-white?!

Is that fine too because of 'culture' or religion?!

@Livpool see my above comment.
And the OP says he said after it's because of his religion.
Even if it wasn't then so what? Everyone has a right to chose who they do and do not touch.

@MissPollyHadADolly19 - that is fine but then people need to understand that there might be consequences.

Not touching a woman is no different from not touching a gay person. Just because it offends what someone believes doesn't make it ok.

Just don't shake anyone's hands and it's not a big deal until you single any one group

So what? Because the only reason he didn't shake OPs hand was because she was a woman. That discrimination, that's what.