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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being Unreasonable with regards to my stepdaughter & her wife

249 replies

Waters1975 · 30/06/2019 20:13

Am I being unreasonable for thinking this is just rude ! My stepdaughter who is 26 has just come to stay for the weekend with her wife. When they arrived they immediately went through our kitchen cupboards to see what food we had & to see if it was suitable for them . They then proceeded to say that they were going to the supermarket to get some things . They returned back with a couple of bags and were whispering in the hall way and swapping bits about . One went upstairs with a bag and the other cane to fridge & put in an apple juice & a bottle of cherry coke. A loaf of bread & a bag was left on the side. That evening we cooked them dinner and then one went to the fridge got 2 glasses out & poured themselves a coke each. After dinner ( no offer of help with the clearing up ). One went upstairs & came back down with a bag of sweets hidden in her pocket. They sat there secretly eating these sweets thinking we had not noticed. My husband & I have 3 children of our own who I have treats in the cupboard for so one of mine asked if they could have some as obviously felt like they were missing out. The next evening we were sitting there and the wife came out with a half eaten bag of Doritos with a peg on them to keep them fresh . She sat there eating some & then put the peg on and put them away again with no offer of any for us or the children . ( This was after we had been out in the day & treated them to lunch). They have stayed in our home all weekend , not paid a penny not offered with anything & then hidden food they have bought even though they have had breakfast , lunch & dinners here incl a meal out .I would never dream of requesting any money or accepting any if they have made the effort to come & see us but I find this behaviour very strange & basically rude ! Just wondered what anyone else thoughts are on this. My husband ( his daughter ) just says they are very odd & annoying but doesn’t say anything to them .

OP posts:
MsMaisel · 01/07/2019 16:47

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AliceRR · 01/07/2019 16:48

I feel that these girls can’t possibly win. If they’ve turned up with seven peoples worth of pop and crisps and sweets you’d have been making a post saying that they were suggesting your were poor, or that they’re terribly unhealthy and a bad influence on your other precious DC’s.

How can you say what OP would have posted in a very different scenario? Hmm Also I think you’re a bit judgmental with your distinction between “weird” families and “actually proper families”. People and families vary. You must realise that.

SagAloojah · 01/07/2019 16:48

I think MsMaisel is having us on 😂

AliceRR · 01/07/2019 16:50

I also think some of the responses would be different if OP was posting exactly the same thing about her DD and her wife behaving this way.

AliceRR · 01/07/2019 16:50

You’ve never know someone offer a sweet to someone else? Confused

MsMaisel · 01/07/2019 16:52

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MsMaisel · 01/07/2019 16:56

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Hithere12 · 01/07/2019 16:56

And then there’s actually proper families where everyone does what they want, nobody resents each other and they all rub along just fine eating sweets, not eating sweets, sharing, not sharing, etc

Yeah sadly these types of families are ceasing to exist anymore with the trend towards “blended” step families that are full of resentments.

If these kids were hungry and wanted sweets why didn’t they get some from the kitchen? Does OP not allow sweets in the house? And if not why is she desperate for her step kids to share there’s?

Also why do you want your kids drinking coke?!

I used to work with someone like this. If I ate a cereal bar she’d want to share. It was fucking weird.

Hithere12 · 01/07/2019 16:58

responses would be different if OP was posting exactly the same thing about her DD and her wife behaving this way

Behaving what way??!!! They are in a house full of food!! Why are they so desperate for their step kids sweets? It makes no sense!!

If you’re hungry go to your kitchen. If you don’t have any sweets in your house for health reasons then why are you so desperate to eat your step kids?

SagAloojah · 01/07/2019 17:02

Because I’m not having a hysterical meltdown and acting like someone murdered my entire family just for eating a bag of crisps?

Ah here comes the word ‘hysterical’, how predictable.

We’re hysterical because we’re a bit baffled how you’ve never offered anyone a skittle or a Malteser from a single bag? Right 😂

AliceRR · 01/07/2019 17:03

MsMaisel Yes I think people would still offer and If not sure if the kids can eat junk food maybe you wouldn’t eat it in front of them

Also it’s not “ridiculous” for OP to ask for opinions and for other posters to offer them

Behaving what way??!!! They are in a house full of food!! Why are they so desperate for their step kids sweets? It makes no sense!!

I’d be more annoyed at them just going through the cupboards etc. I think it is rude to go through someone else’s cupboards, let them feed you but then snack on your own without offering. Clearly you have a different idea of what is good and bad manners and that’s fine.

SagAloojah · 01/07/2019 17:03

why are you so desperate to eat your step kids?

OP doesn’t want to eat her step kids, this isn’t Hansel and Gretel 😂

AliceRR · 01/07/2019 17:05

I used to work with someone like this. If I ate a cereal bar she’d want to share. It was fucking weird.

OP doesn’t want to share, she’s just saying they could have offered and their behaviour as a whole was odd.

Also it would be a slightly different scenario if you were staying at your colleague’s house, feeding her and then she opened bags of crisps and sweets and didn’t offer them.

Iamthewombat · 01/07/2019 17:08

HAHAHAHA at Hansel and Gretel!

MsMaisel · 01/07/2019 17:08

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MsMaisel · 01/07/2019 17:10

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AliceRR · 01/07/2019 17:13

just because she fancied a bit of chocolate and assumed her siblings either weren’t allowed or were happy with their own!

I don’t think it was “just” that but all of it in context.

As you say it’s not about us though - let’s agree to disagree! I know I’d be annoyed as OP is but then I also know I’m a bit uptight 🤷🏻‍♀️

Notsosimple · 01/07/2019 17:13

Waters1975 I think it's absolutely rude she's 26!! At least have the decency to offer the kids some sweets or Doritos if not the adults.

Iamthewombat · 01/07/2019 17:15

Who is ‘losing their shit’ and ‘screaming’?

Apart from you, that is.

Iamthewombat · 01/07/2019 17:16

Also, and I am really intrigued by this, has nobody ever offered you a crisp or a sweet from a normal sized bag or tube? Really? Not even in a pub, where people rip open bags (normal sized) of crisps or nuts to share?

Hithere12 · 01/07/2019 17:22

Also it would be a slightly different scenario if you were staying at your colleague’s house, feeding her and then she opened bags of crisps and sweets and didn’t offer them

But they were probably asked to visit. I’m sure they weren’t desperate to visit given how the OP feels about them.

MsMaisel · 01/07/2019 17:23

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SagAloojah · 01/07/2019 17:24

Now you’re turning 9 pages of people absolutely losing their shit and screaming the most horrible things about this poor girl into being about me?? So weird.

No I’m not! I’m just asking how on earth have you reached whatever age you are and never offered or been offered a sweet or crisp from someone’s single bag! That’s it, honestly!

Iamthewombat · 01/07/2019 17:25

You have never heard of friends sharing sweets or crisps?

I’d suggest that your views, which you are perfectly entitled to express, don’t represent the majority in that case.

AliceRR · 01/07/2019 17:26

But they were probably asked to visit. I’m sure they weren’t desperate to visit given how the OP feels about them.

Nope. A colleague asking you for some of your cereal bar is weird but completely different to what OP is posting about. If you think it’s the same I can’t help you.