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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being Unreasonable with regards to my stepdaughter & her wife

249 replies

Waters1975 · 30/06/2019 20:13

Am I being unreasonable for thinking this is just rude ! My stepdaughter who is 26 has just come to stay for the weekend with her wife. When they arrived they immediately went through our kitchen cupboards to see what food we had & to see if it was suitable for them . They then proceeded to say that they were going to the supermarket to get some things . They returned back with a couple of bags and were whispering in the hall way and swapping bits about . One went upstairs with a bag and the other cane to fridge & put in an apple juice & a bottle of cherry coke. A loaf of bread & a bag was left on the side. That evening we cooked them dinner and then one went to the fridge got 2 glasses out & poured themselves a coke each. After dinner ( no offer of help with the clearing up ). One went upstairs & came back down with a bag of sweets hidden in her pocket. They sat there secretly eating these sweets thinking we had not noticed. My husband & I have 3 children of our own who I have treats in the cupboard for so one of mine asked if they could have some as obviously felt like they were missing out. The next evening we were sitting there and the wife came out with a half eaten bag of Doritos with a peg on them to keep them fresh . She sat there eating some & then put the peg on and put them away again with no offer of any for us or the children . ( This was after we had been out in the day & treated them to lunch). They have stayed in our home all weekend , not paid a penny not offered with anything & then hidden food they have bought even though they have had breakfast , lunch & dinners here incl a meal out .I would never dream of requesting any money or accepting any if they have made the effort to come & see us but I find this behaviour very strange & basically rude ! Just wondered what anyone else thoughts are on this. My husband ( his daughter ) just says they are very odd & annoying but doesn’t say anything to them .

OP posts:
herculepoirot2 · 30/06/2019 20:35

If it didn’t bother you that she went in the fridge, why mention it?

Are they vegans etc?

Waters1975 · 30/06/2019 20:35

It’s always like this but has got worse since she has married her partner . If me & my husband went to stay with our parents we would at least offer to help, but food for us all or cook etc .

OP posts:
avalanching · 30/06/2019 20:37

I admit the hiding it is odd.

Topsecretidentity · 30/06/2019 20:37

They sound childish but they haven't done anything worth falling out over. I think your husband's assessment is correct.

findingmyfeet12 · 30/06/2019 20:38

It is odd behaviour. I do have a root around in the cupboards and fridge at my parents house and my sister's house (and then moan like a teenager if there isn't something I like).

However I wouldn't eat snacks in front of children unless I shared them.

AyBeeCee10 · 30/06/2019 20:41

They sound like oddballs. At 26 years surely they have matured but they sound stupid and immature. I would have said something though.

1CarefulLadyOwner · 30/06/2019 20:41

Are they both overweight?
If not, they should be.
Clearly no idea about food and nutrition, but, sadly, this is typical of the vast majority of the UK population under 35.

LolaSmiles · 30/06/2019 20:42

I agree with you OP.

If I bought some snacks at my mum's house then I'd leave them out for people and if I bought a bottle of wine or coke etc then I wouldn't take a half bottle away with me. It's weird.

ComeAndDance · 30/06/2019 20:42

If this had been one of my dcs, I would have it rude, bit just odd. And I would have told them.

On the other side, as a young adult, I have done similar myself. With people I wasn’t confortable with (toxic grand parents).

lboogy · 30/06/2019 20:43

They are rude. They could have said 'we're popping to the shop. Do you need anything?' Also rude to eat in front of you and kids and not offer. Did the daughter live with you at any point before getting married ?

bringincrazyback · 30/06/2019 20:44

it was checking labels , checking how much marmite I had & then writing a list, which again is fine but then come back with stuff for themselves that they then hid

It's rude to that in someone else's house, even if it is your parents' house. YANBU OP.
Re some of the responses, the anti-stepparent sentiment around here gets really tedious sometimes.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 30/06/2019 20:44

Take note of what they brought and let them know you have got it in for them next time to make them feel special and welcome.
Offer them a bowl to put sweets and crisps in do you can all enjoy, maybe on a tight budget ( and didn’t think you wanted their stuff) so that’s why they took it with them

eddielizzard · 30/06/2019 20:48

Rude. Very.

LegionOfDoom · 30/06/2019 20:48

If myself or dc go to stay at my parents house, we usually take a snack bag as they don’t have snacks. Sometimes we will even see what they have first and then pop to the shops to grab some things.

But, I just unload all my shopping into their cupboard so it’s free for everyone to use when needed. I’ll always offer any snacks to share or get something specifically for them I know they like. It’s rude to just eat it them by yourself.

poopypants · 30/06/2019 20:49

Yes, it's rude. They are adults, not teens and bringing out snacks to eat without sharing, especially when you have hosted and fed them all weekend is ridiculously rude and I have no idea why anyone on here would think anything else.

Geraniumpink · 30/06/2019 20:52

I’ve seen similar with son in his 20’s and girlfriend staying with parent and their partner - son and girlfriend went to the shop, bought chocolate and milk and shared it between them after tea in front of us, without bothering to offer any around. I thought it a little odd too. I think there is something about visiting parents that can bring out the inner teen in us.

Tooner · 30/06/2019 20:54

Weird, very rude and childish, how strange that they are exactly the same in that respect. You are not being unreasonable OP.

ThisMustBeMyDream · 30/06/2019 20:55

My dad and his wife serve me miniscule meals. After a horrific trip to their house in another country (they have a house here too) where we were basically held hostage in the middle of nowhere with no way of getting to a shop and practically starved - I now take bags of food with me for me and my family. I will not be put in that position again. I don't really care what his wife thinks (or him) as it is incredibly rude to starve your guests and leave children crying in hunger. In fact, it nearly severed any relationship I had with my dad.
I do put my food in the fridge etc and wouldn't mind it shared out. I take a bottle of something and a box of chocolates along with me (neither of which I would drink or eat, so they are just a thanks for hosting us).
So YABU. They wanted to make sure they were able to eat and drink to their preference. I can't see how a parent could object to that.

Soontobe60 · 30/06/2019 20:55

My adult DDs always check out my cupboards and fridge when they come round. I make sure I've got goodies in for them 🤣🤣

VivienneHolt · 30/06/2019 20:56

Yanbu, that is rude and weird

SolsticeBabyMaybe · 30/06/2019 20:56

Definitely weird and impolite not to offer to share!

LittleWalnutTree · 30/06/2019 20:57

My dd and her bf do this, but she is barely out of her teens and still lives here.

At 26 I'd expect better.

CanILeavenowplease · 30/06/2019 20:58

Will you expect your own children to pay to stay when they are older?

lljkk · 30/06/2019 20:58

This thread is making me crave Doritos.
Hmmm... maybe everything makes me crave Doritos.

EvaHarknessRose · 30/06/2019 20:58

Oh my dad used to mutter disapprovingly sbout how rude and greedy we were when we stayed at his in out twenties, and you know what, we probably were but we grew out of it

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