Am I being Unreasonable with regards to my stepdaughter & her wife

[Waters1975]

Am I being unreasonable for thinking this is just rude ! My stepdaughter who is 26 has just come to stay for the weekend with her wife. When they arrived they immediately went through our kitchen cupboards to see what food we had & to see if it was suitable for them . They then proceeded to say that they were going to the supermarket to get some things . They returned back with a couple of bags and were whispering in the hall way and swapping bits about . One went upstairs with a bag and the other cane to fridge & put in an apple juice & a bottle of cherry coke. A loaf of bread & a bag was left on the side. That evening we cooked them dinner and then one went to the fridge got 2 glasses out & poured themselves a coke each. After dinner ( no offer of help with the clearing up ). One went upstairs & came back down with a bag of sweets hidden in her pocket. They sat there secretly eating these sweets thinking we had not noticed. My husband & I have 3 children of our own who I have treats in the cupboard for so one of mine asked if they could have some as obviously felt like they were missing out. The next evening we were sitting there and the wife came out with a half eaten bag of Doritos with a peg on them to keep them fresh . She sat there eating some & then put the peg on and put them away again with no offer of any for us or the children . ( This was after we had been out in the day & treated them to lunch). They have stayed in our home all weekend , not paid a penny not offered with anything & then hidden food they have bought even though they have had breakfast , lunch & dinners here incl a meal out .I would never dream of requesting any money or accepting any if they have made the effort to come & see us but I find this behaviour very strange & basically rude ! Just wondered what anyone else thoughts are on this. My husband ( his daughter ) just says they are very odd & annoying but doesn’t say anything to them .

I just assume if someone wants something of mine they’d ask (which they usually do) I don’t offer.

If you think it’s the same I can’t help you

You can’t help me 😫😫😫😫😂😂

It’s called hyperbole. I know it’s not the EXACT same thing.

I'm unsure what the issue is specifically; is it that your kids aren't allowed sweets and therefore the DSD and wife eating sweets in front of them was awkward? Or was it the lack of sharing (which I agree is a bit weird) I always look through my DM's fridge/cupboards when I visit and at my DF's house too, that's normal in my family...I'd say hello first though

I just assume if someone wants something of mine they’d ask (which they usually do) I don’t offer.

I’d find it rude for someone to ask in some situations. I’d offer if willing to share. Weren’t you suggesting your colleague was fucking weird for asking for some of your cereal bar though? I mean it is weird to ask for that tbf

It sounds to me like SD is behaving as though she's back at home since she's staying with her parents. In that case, if I were OP, I'd have just said something like "oh, I'll take some Coke, thanks" when SD was pouring her own, or "right, your turn to do the washing up" one evening. It might be irritating for OP, but in the context of family, hopefully you're close enough that it's ok to be a bit more straightforward about things.

As an aside... I'm shocked that one PP has never seen anyone share a single serving of anything. Not even if someone buys crisps at the pub? 😬

My DM has a very interesting assortment of ancient things in her cupboard, sometimes I clean/sort it while I'm there (same with the bathroom but I accept I might just be weird!)

Oh, I see the pub thing has been covered...

I’d find it rude for someone to ask in some situations. I’d offer if willing to share. Weren’t you suggesting your colleague was fucking weird for asking for some of your cereal bar though? I mean it is weird to ask for that tbf

Yes because she’s a COLLEAGUE not a friend and because she asked EVERY TIME.

With regard to your point about them not helping: my DPs just say to me: 'can you do dishes tonight and cook tmo' or whatever, can you not just ask them what you want them to do (some people are funny about others doing things I find so maybe you just need to tell them what you'd like them to do).

I also had a couple of digs in passing to my kids like oh kids these are for you I’ve kept them separate

It sounds to me as if you have treats in that are specifically for your children so I wonder if your stepdaughter feels excluded and buys her own treats because she realises she won’t be given any. Let’s be honest, if she’s been excluded from being bought and given treats, why would she then share with those who already had treats?!

And yes to those who say she should be able to treat the house as her home.

Let’s be honest, if she’s been excluded from being bought and given treats, why would she then share with those who already had treats?!

OP is talking about “treats” for children

Sorry posted too soon! OP is posting about treats for children. Her DSD is an adult as his her wife

But the OP doesn’t specify the ages of her own children and the stepdaughter might well feel she is one of children in the family and should be treated as such. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Somebody will always want to make this your fault, OP!

@MsMaisel OP stated the Doritos were half eaten with a peg on the bag. Then dipped into again and the peg replaced. I seriously doubt it was a single portion bag vs a share bag. Plus if they're so keen on not sharing OP should have suggested they brought their own bread, coke, crisps along when they went out for lunch instead of expecting OP to pay for them both. This is a 26yr old married couple with presumably their own jobs/home. Maybe they should have offered to pay for OP and her DH's lunch to thank them for hosting them vs being too stingy to offer a solitary sweet.

Sounds like you don't like her and her wife much

See?

Just reread it .. As realised I had missed some of your posts ..
The bringing a half eaten bag of crisps and eating a few made me laugh... Glad your child must ask you if they wanted some.
The sweets, I'd have been so embarrassed as the SD and wife. To have been sneaking sweets ... We have often shared a bag of sweets.... In our house the rule was don't eat in front of others without offering... And I have cut a Mars bar in thirds before...
Small bag you offer hoping people say no...
The coke they should have said ...are the children allowed coke...do they want a glass.. allowing you to say no...
Yes they are odd...

Exactly, if you don't think the kids were allowed sweets, that's a reason to not eat any in front of them and make things awkward! Same really with the coke (if others aren't allowed to have it)
With crisps I would have bought a multi pack and offered around (and they are usually only twice the cost for 6 bags as one standard bag)
Or ate items solely in my room.

This thread is so weird. So desperate are some to make the OP unreasonable, there is elaborate talk of talking kids’ sweets - these are grown up women by the way, amongst proper youngsters.

And I can’t get past ‘eating your stepkids’.

Punctuation is everything.

And in what world do you open a bag of anything food like and not attempt even a half hearted offering around?

And in what world do you open a bag of anything food like and not attempt even a half hearted offering around?

^^