Am I being Unreasonable with regards to my stepdaughter & her wife

[Waters1975]

Am I being unreasonable for thinking this is just rude ! My stepdaughter who is 26 has just come to stay for the weekend with her wife. When they arrived they immediately went through our kitchen cupboards to see what food we had & to see if it was suitable for them . They then proceeded to say that they were going to the supermarket to get some things . They returned back with a couple of bags and were whispering in the hall way and swapping bits about . One went upstairs with a bag and the other cane to fridge & put in an apple juice & a bottle of cherry coke. A loaf of bread & a bag was left on the side. That evening we cooked them dinner and then one went to the fridge got 2 glasses out & poured themselves a coke each. After dinner ( no offer of help with the clearing up ). One went upstairs & came back down with a bag of sweets hidden in her pocket. They sat there secretly eating these sweets thinking we had not noticed. My husband & I have 3 children of our own who I have treats in the cupboard for so one of mine asked if they could have some as obviously felt like they were missing out. The next evening we were sitting there and the wife came out with a half eaten bag of Doritos with a peg on them to keep them fresh . She sat there eating some & then put the peg on and put them away again with no offer of any for us or the children . ( This was after we had been out in the day & treated them to lunch). They have stayed in our home all weekend , not paid a penny not offered with anything & then hidden food they have bought even though they have had breakfast , lunch & dinners here incl a meal out .I would never dream of requesting any money or accepting any if they have made the effort to come & see us but I find this behaviour very strange & basically rude ! Just wondered what anyone else thoughts are on this. My husband ( his daughter ) just says they are very odd & annoying but doesn’t say anything to them .

Hithere12 surely the definition of greed is sitting eating snacks between meals in front of people who've shared their food with you and not offering them any in return? Or buying a 2 litre bottle of sweet carbonated drink and keeping it to yourself while you eat food bought and cooked for you by the people watching you drink it.

I can't understand how anyone thinks this is ok.

It's not about wanting any of the other person's food but about the sheer brazen entitlement of accepting having food bought and cooked for you whilst keeping what you buy and consume at that same dinner table or sitting later with the people who just fed you entirely to yourself.

I cannot get my head around thinking that's ok, nor around going into your parents' house where you don't live and rummaging through their fridge and cupboards without a word to ask permission or explain what you're looking for.

I'd never do that in anyone's house, it's jaw droppingly rude.

Sweets don't come in portions and bites

You eat a sweet. You don't eat a bite of a sweet or a portion of sweets.

What huge sweets are these that you eat bites of?

I haven't read the whole thing, but it's odd, and probably rude. You don't make yourself at home in your parent's house once you have grown up and left home, without asking. My wife and I wouldn't have. You wouldn't go out and buy stuff, and not offer it round. You wouldn't actually come for a weekend without bringing a bottle/chocs/flowers would you?

They sound greedy and rude. Politely call them out on it if it happens again.

It’s quite terrible for two 26 yo women to be eating sweets and chocolates and crisps without offering anything to the kids around them. As these grown women have no consideration I think OP should actually reserve all the good and expensive stuff she’s bought (including alcohol) for her family. Stop cooking for these eejits too.

Why are some posters intent on portraying the OP and her family as greedy unhygienic people demanding ‘bites’ of single portion food from strangers?

It couldn’t be because she’s a stepmum, could it? Surely not!

For anybody who hasn’t read the OP’s posts properly or has wilfully misread it: what would you think if you invited friends round for dinner, then found that they had brought their own special wine for them, and only them, to consume? None offered to the hosts, whose hospitality they were enjoying. Then they go to their car and bring out their own special dessert for their own consumption. No explanation. They take the dessert into a different room, hoping that you won’t see, but using your plates and spoons.

Would you think that was weird? I would!

Why? Isn’t the OP allowed to form her own views?

I want to know where the dad is in all of this and what he thinks.

The OP told us that in her OP.

Yep I’m with wombat, Teddybear and and others.

If DSD was 16 you could excuse her in grounds of immaturity but 26yo behaving like this is very off.

OP, was food severely rationed in your home or DSD’s mum home when she was growing up?

My sister is tighter than a gnat’s arse but we weren’t a well off family and she would hide food that she bought with her earnings (fair enough).

Sorry, I'm confused. His daughter is your wife? Or your daughter is his wife? Your post says "my husband( His daughter). "

Just not sure what the relationships are

The OP’s husband’s daughter is the OP’s wife. Isn’t it obvious??

Very rude, and the dad being pretty crap I'd say! I'd be more irritated by his lack of engagement here.

Do you think money is an issue for them?.Buying snacks and not offering them round , " 2 of us 5 of them ".Maybe this is how they think?.I dont get the checking labels thing, are they veggie,or spec dietary needs ?.Anyway ,for two 26 year olds in full time work their behaviour is very odd, and really rude TBH!.You take them out,treat them to lunch /cook dinners, and they cant be bothered to help you? or even buy /bring food apart from some bread!.What does your husband think?.Do you think your DSD feels "entitled" in some way as she seems to have regressed to the mentality of a 10 year old!.

MsMaisel the 26 year old adult daughter is being waited on. Food has been bought and cooked for her and cleaned up after her. In addition to accepting this and not contributing she's bought snacking food and fizzy drinks which she's keeping to herself.

How are you getting from that that she doesn't expect to be waited on?

She expects exactly that. She expects to be waited on, and to help herself to anything the OP has in the fridge and cupboards, but at the same time to keep anything she buys for herself.

You must be willfully misreading the OP's posts to interpret the situation the way you are doing, it's absolutely backwards!

What huge sweets are these that you eat bites of?
A stick of rock?

I think it's perfectly normal to go through the fridge and cupboards to see "what's in" and to go and buy stuff they think they need that you don't have.

It isn't OK to sponge off you all weekend without offering to buy something.

It isn't OK to sit eating your own snacks and sweets in front of your siblings and parents and not offer them some.

This doesn't sound like a regular, casual 'drop in' sort of situation but more of a proper visit, the visitors where being taken out and entertained. Surely when you go to stay in someone's house, in that kind of situation, you bring a little gift, even for family.

You don't, if you're a grown up person, whisper together like children nor do you secret food in your room and then eat it in front of other people without at least offering some to others.

And as for riffling through cupboards and the fridge. Why would they do that in someone else home.

They both sound incredibly rude.

It’s rude to rummage in someone’s fridge. It might be normal for some grown up kids to rummage in their parents fridge, but there’s two of them. It’s cheeky.

FriarTuck better your teeth than mine in that case I haven't seen a stick of rock in years but I agree they're not a sharing item

If you've bought a packet containing 8 M&Ms (from a Multipack presumably, I'm sure you can't buy such a small bag containing 8 separately) maybe don't sit and eat it by yourself in front of your child age siblings in their living room...