Am I being Unreasonable with regards to my stepdaughter & her wife

[Waters1975]

Am I being unreasonable for thinking this is just rude ! My stepdaughter who is 26 has just come to stay for the weekend with her wife. When they arrived they immediately went through our kitchen cupboards to see what food we had & to see if it was suitable for them . They then proceeded to say that they were going to the supermarket to get some things . They returned back with a couple of bags and were whispering in the hall way and swapping bits about . One went upstairs with a bag and the other cane to fridge & put in an apple juice & a bottle of cherry coke. A loaf of bread & a bag was left on the side. That evening we cooked them dinner and then one went to the fridge got 2 glasses out & poured themselves a coke each. After dinner ( no offer of help with the clearing up ). One went upstairs & came back down with a bag of sweets hidden in her pocket. They sat there secretly eating these sweets thinking we had not noticed. My husband & I have 3 children of our own who I have treats in the cupboard for so one of mine asked if they could have some as obviously felt like they were missing out. The next evening we were sitting there and the wife came out with a half eaten bag of Doritos with a peg on them to keep them fresh . She sat there eating some & then put the peg on and put them away again with no offer of any for us or the children . ( This was after we had been out in the day & treated them to lunch). They have stayed in our home all weekend , not paid a penny not offered with anything & then hidden food they have bought even though they have had breakfast , lunch & dinners here incl a meal out .I would never dream of requesting any money or accepting any if they have made the effort to come & see us but I find this behaviour very strange & basically rude ! Just wondered what anyone else thoughts are on this. My husband ( his daughter ) just says they are very odd & annoying but doesn’t say anything to them .

After a visit to my MIL's where I left hungry I have to admit I'm I the did you feed them enough camp?

Had I had and snacks I'd certainly have been trying to secretly eat them so as not to offend because I was still hungry after all the food was gone!

Yes op, this is rude of them to behave like this. My brother does this when he buys sweets and we all laugh at him behind his back, he is so secretive with food and won’t share. He is in his 60’s.

YANBU. It's one thing behaving like this at sixteen and quite another at twenty six. They are adults and this is not now their home. They seem to have the best of both worlds. Not guests, so they can rummage through cupboards but also guests, so they don't have to pitch in and help out. I don't think it's a step-parent thing. I'd never behave like that in my parents' home and I'd be pissed off if my children behaved like that.

I think that is a bit of a stretch sbt.

I thin it's more a confirmation that gay people can be just as much as a PITA as straight ones when they put their minds to it.

Confirmation that gay people are, when it comes down to it, just people.

Why on earth did you not speak up when she looked in the cupboards?
SD. Is there anything your both can't eat, or that is your favourite that we don't have.

When they came home with shopping.... Did you get anything nice?...
I do admit I always take snacks and keep in my room when in holiday... Got caught once being rationed ....never again.
They are so wrong about not sharing....
My family always offer if we are going to eat in someone else's presents.
That is just plane rude ... Why did you just not ask the children do you want a snack too?
By not confronting things in a nice way your children are watching and thinking being sneaky is allowed.

Tight bastards, you could try talk to them but you are probably wasting your time with people this tight and cheeky. I'd be as bold as them

"Mary can you peel an orange in your pocket too? Don't be tight, we can see the sweets, take them out, offer one and then you'll have more enjoyment eating them openly rather than faux yawning and popping them in to your mouth when you think nobody is looking"

"No thank you I don't want coke, but you might offer it around, the food in the fridge is for everyone, in this house it's not what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine alone"

"Girls bring snacks by all means, but you aren't 8, don't sit there and miserly hide it, it's weird and rude. If you don't want to share them keep it and eat it in your room"

There's a lot of projecting on this thread, my mil starves us with her tiny portions so I bring snacks but they are to share - eh thanks for sharing your story, but it's totally different. These people are eating and drinking and being paid for when out and then acting like golum over a fucking packet of doritos, it's rude!

Is one of them pregnant? Just a thought! Might explain all manner of unreasonable snack behaviours 😂

Your attitude towards them doesn’t sound great tbh. So they ate some crisps and sweets over the course of a weekend, and bought themselves a coke? Really doesn’t seem like a big deal.

Your comment about having ‘3 children of our own’ seems very telling.

I don't think the issue here is that she went in cupboards or bought her own food.

It's the hiding food and refusing to share.

That seems very odd at 26.

If I buy any food to take to my parents it goes in there fridge and I buy enough for everyone. I would dream of hiding food and sitting there not offering it to share.

Wouldn't! Not would!

They honestly sound like children, not adults in their late twenties. Such bizarre behaviour.

I find these types of posts so weird, does nobody communicate? If I was at my parents house and had sweets in my pocket one of my siblings would say "here, give us one" etc. Same with Doritos - if I wanted one and my brother was eating them I'd ask for some if I wanted them?! Did everyone just sit round giving the women evil looks for not sharing their sweets?

Families are so strange

I think it’s rude. Not so much the buying snacks they fancy, but eating them in front of everyone and not even offering to share some. Rude. Also the not pitching in to help. As to people saying it is also the woman’s house: she is 26 and married and presumably now has her own house. It is totally normal at that point for parents (divorced or not) to no longer keep ‘your’ room. Things move on. Yes, your parents’ house is more ‘home’ than a friend’s house, but normal rules of decency and offering to help out with the dishes or cleaning up surely still apply.

If I had been to the shop to buy my own snacks, I wouldn't feel obliged to offer them around a group of people.

Do you seriously never eat any food without asking large groups of people if they all want a bite?!

I know 😂 it’s so strange. If someone wanted a crisp I’d assume they’d ask or go to the cupboard and get food.

OP I think they were rude!
I can get my head around them having some snacks in their bag and eating them in bed etc but to openly go through your cupboards and fridge and then make a list and go shopping and then stash it in their room and then eat it in front of you and the other kids it RUDE.

I would not dream of doing that in anyone's house even my parents. I would buy / bring treats but I would openly leave them in the kitchen and they would be for everyone to share.

And in answer to another posters question if I was making toast and there were other people in the house I would of course offer them some. Same with tea / coffee / wine etc

MsMaisel sigh...no of course I would not offer everyone a bite of a slice of toast but I would certainly say 'I'm making some toast, would anyone else like some' and then I would stick 2 more slices of bread i the toaster....OR I would say 'I'm making a cup of tea, would anyone else like one?' and I would either make a pot or stick a teabag in another cup rather than offer everyone a sip of my cup of tea OR I would say 'i've just opened the wine, would anyone else like a glass?' rather than passing my glass about the room....you get the gist

And besides, I don't think in this case the stepdaughter and wife were in a 'large crowd'...

I think it's cheeky as you've hosted them for the weekend and they've thanked you by scuttling around with secret treats. Nothing wrong with buying in what they like but they could have spent a just slightly more and bought; multipack of cans of coke so everyone could have one, multipack of Doritos or 2x grab bags so everyone could share, bag of mini haribos so everyone gers a pack. Plus they've then took their half bottle of coke home - greedy and rude.

I guess generosity is at the heart of this and some people just clearly are not generous and are happy to sit and eat their own treats in a small family context which some of us find strange and rude

This is not how you behave in your parents home. I’ve always been taught to share. If you get it out in the presence of everyone you pass it around, regardless of who’s home you are in.

Some of the people on here sound so greedy. No wonder we have obesity issues in this country. Are you hungry all the time that you need offering food as soon as anyone starts eating???!