to take phone call from DS while on a short break with DP?

[notlyndasnell]

DP (not the father of my 2DSs) and I were abroad for a few weeks on a family matter and decided to go on a short break. While we were there, DS1 (23) called one evening for a chat about his housing situation. He tends to call once a week on average, usually during the period between getting home from work and eating dinner. He works long hours in London and tends to go to bed soon after eating due to getting up at stupid o'clock. He was aware that DP and I had gone abroad but not that we were on a short break.
This particular call came as DP and I were preparing our dinner. I had finished preparing the bits I was doing and DP was about to spend 5-10 minutes preparing his share. When my phone rang I said "Oh, it's DS1", looked at DP and went to another room. (DP does not like to have other people's telephone conversations inflicted on him.) The call lasted just over 11 minutes. 10 minutes into my conversation with DS, DP came into the room, clearly very unhappy, and told me the food I had started to prepare was burning, and his was nearly ready, and he didn't know what to do.
I told DS I had to go and went to rescue our dinner. DP and I then had a huge argument because:
a) I took the call at a time that was very inconvenient
b) I should have said: "Oh, it's DS1 – would you mind if I speak to him?" (In my world, looking at DP when taking the call was non-verbal communication for "Is that OK?")
c) DS1 is rude and inconsiderate for calling me while we are relaxing on a short break (DP claims his DCs would never intrude like this)
d) And anyway, he should not be calling while we are preparing dinner or eating
I am pleased that my son makes the effort to stay in touch and I would talk to him if I was half-way up a mountain. Agreed, calling during dinner time is not ideal but DS wasn't to know what we were doing when he called.
Bit more background: DP and I don't live together but I spend a lot of time at his house. He has complained about DS's rude behaviour on numerous occasions. I'm biased, of course, but consensus among my friends is that both my DSs are polite and well-adjusted young men.
So, AIBU or is DP overreacting? Thank you

"Have decided to go away and stay with a friend for a week to clear my head and decide what to do"

Very good idea.

Reasonable things he could have said

"Soufflés can't wait, call him back"
"Dinner's nearly ready, can you keep it quick?"
"This isn't a great time, can you talk some other time?"

He's expecting DS1 to be a mind reader - who knows what time someone will be cooking/eating when away? And there is nothing whatsoever wrong with taking phone calls whilst away, though perhaps only at agreed times so they're not intrusive. That can be asked for reasonably. And that is so much not what he did.

Unless you know there is something going on which might mitigate a one-off (or very rare) bout of shittiness, I would be concerned about this

Oh, I also don't think it's about the phone calls or even jealousy.

It's a way to disrupt your relationships and isolate you.

Words fail me.
What a nasty petty pathetic little man your partner is.

I disagree. i would have texted my kid to let them know i will call later or next day. Its not going to break your mother son relationship to miss one call. Why do phone calls have to be responded to instantly. The person you're with is more important.

He's over-reacting but I really don't understand why you couldn't sometimes ask you ds to hang on half an hour. And, in all honesty, the point of a short break is to have a break and (to me) that would include calls from family. I bet if the tables were turned and your dp had taken a 10 min call from his mother, the whole of Mumsnet would think.him unreasonable.

What kind of hateful shit comes between a mother and her child

Was wondering if you’re with my late mum’s last husband but he has two DS. Get away from him, sharpish.

WOW!! DP sounds like a dick. How dare he dictate when you should & shouldn’t speak to your child & cause an argument because it doesn’t suit him. What is he bloody 10yrs old!
Yes it may have been an inconvenience to him but your DS is your DS & your DP is jealous as hell. I think if the boot was on the other foot & his DC called that would have been absolutely fine & you’d have had to like it or lump it. He’s pathetic, controlling & you OP deserve better!

Your dp sounds like a knobhead, and you should tell him that you'll take calls whenever you see fit, ta very much.

How is your son supposed to mysteriously know when you are in the middle of cooking?

And why do you need to ask to answer the phone?

Ridiculous!

thank you @sevenoftwelve, I will look at that. I won't bore you all with the details of 14 years of on-off relationship (including marriage and divorce but never living together) but maybe the time has come to move on. He won't change. He has anxiety issues and a biit of Aspergers, and I make allowances for that. But he also has a tendency to behave like a spoiled toddler. Imagine being married to the entire male cast of the Big Bang Theory

Your partner sounds like a dick. A class A dick.

Your son should come before your unpleasant 'D'P everytime. LTB.

Decide what to do?????

Urm, you need to get rid of this nasty, bullying, cuntish man.

I should have said: "Oh, it's DS1 – would you mind if I speak to him?" (In my world, looking at DP when taking the call was non-verbal communication for "Is that OK

This is absolutely horrifying. You are a grown woman!! You do not have to ask his permission to answer your phone!

He resents your son. He’s a piece of shit to be honest.

I will never understand how so many people can, or even want to, maintain a relationship with someone who dislikes their child/ren.

he sounds like a total cock

bin

I probably would have told DS I would call him back in 15 mins and delayed putting dinner on the table whilst you spoke to him.

I am pleased that my son makes the effort to stay in touch and I would talk to him if I was half-way up a mountain. Agreed, calling during dinner time is not ideal but DS wasn't to know what we were doing when he called.
^^
That is the crux, to my mind, OP. I'm still kicking myself that my mobile signal was bad when my daughter was trying to get hold of me at a terrible crisis in her life, as she needed to talk to me - I wasn't there for her, though I was having dinner out with her father. At that moment, her needs were far more important than his!

Jeez. Get rid of him. Now.

You should ask his permission to accept a call from your son ?
Wow, how entitled, controlling, nasty he is.
Get shot of him and give yourself a chance to meet someone decent.

I have not read the full thread, but, if ANYONE tried to stop me speaking to my children, ADULT OR OTHERWISE, whether they were on the phone or not, they would we out of the door PDQ. I'm very sorry OP, but if you want a relationship with your children, you need to ditch the arsehole. ASD is not a get out clause for being an areshole.

Your DP sounds horrible. What a prick. I don't think your DS was rude at all but your DP certainly was. Why are you putting up with this unpleasant man?

I speak to my DF every Sat morning. This weekend I knew he was away on holiday in Italy so didn't expect to speak to him. But he messaged me (we always WhatsApp to check it's a convenient time) and then he called me for a 10 min chat - all while his partner was sitting having breakfast in the hotel with him. She didn't have any issues with him speaking to me. No-one made accusations of people being rude or interrupting mealtimes. Because we're not unpleasant selfish people like your DP is.

Just no. He sounds awful.

Your 'D'P sounds like a controlling arse.