AIBU - What age is it not ok to fly alone? Should DH take MIL or not?

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What age would people say that an older person would need to be accompanied on a plane please. I’m asking for to MIL and we have this situation a lot.

I don’t mean to sound selfish, but DH is faffing and being non-committal about us booking a family holiday on the grounds that he has announced he will probably be in the Middle East for most of the summer due to work (but no definite dates as yet). Now, the week he does appear to have free is when MIL wants to go and see her other son in New York. Usually DH will take her in the plane, maybe stay overnight and then return and BIL will bring her back later and do the same.. MIL is now 71, no health complaints. AIBU to say to DH that he could maybe consider just taking her to the airport and checking her in etc? What do other people do in this situation?

My mother is75 and can fly alone with no difficulty but everyone is different. It’s impossible to say without knowing the individual

I don't think there is an age. It's their health, language skills and travel experience that should be the determining factor.

I don't see a reason why a healthy 71yo with travel experience should need company.

So he seriously take a a flight of new York spends one night and comes back the next day? I understand of he started there for a week etc. But this is ridiculous.0

I imagine she’d be fine flying but I’d probably accompany my mum to check-in and such

I would say she’s a very “young” 71, but she has never liked flying alone. It would be more about managing her anxiety than any health concerns. DH has always taken her so she’s used to this.

Does DH want to see his brother ?

I would expect that a healthy 71 year old, with no mobility issues should be able to take a flight unaccompanied.

It’s not fair to not have a family holiday just to help her anxiety. Can she take a friend instead?

Special Assistance can help her on and off the plane via wheelchair escort. If she has any issues using the toilet alone then I wouldn't send her solo. Otherwise, should be fine.

There are children that fly alone every year, she will be fine. The more you let her stand on her own two feet, the more the anxiety will diminish.

She's 71 with no health problems and needs accompanying on a plane? For the love of god why?
My 72 year old partner pops over to Portugal to see his son and I say have a lovely time, have you got everything? Byeee!

If she is worried or frail, consider requesting assistance at the airport. It’s free and available on request - you don’t need a doctors letter or anything. As well as providing a ride so you don’t have to trek miles in the airport they look after your documents, see you through security and put you on the right plane. At the other end you are met and escorted out to whoever meets you/ a taxi.

He might just stay the night with BIL, but it depends on work and if he needs to get back.

Can you have a family holiday in NY?

Anxiety is a healh concern.

As he has travelled with her for some time, it's going to be hard for her to travel without her now.

Could you not go with them and have a break in New York?

My gran used to go to New Zealand every other year up until she died at 83. She used to book the special assistance as she had trouble walking, and they would come and take her in a wheelchair from check in.

To be honest your MiL is taking the piss if she has no health issues. What actually does your husband do for her that she couldn't do herself or ask someone to help with (eg point her in the right direction if she was lost). Unleas she doesnt speak English or something. What a waste of time and money - 4 extra flights just so she doesnt need to sit next to a stranger for a few hours.

Surely they'd be better off just paying for first class and booking a nice car to the airport for her

I find it very bizarre that you think a healthy 71 year old woman needs a babysitter. She is more than capable of fending for herself.

Have you posted about this previously OP?

My grandmother flew the Atlantic unaccompanied until the year before she died at 98. She did accept the airport wheelchair in the last couple of years, though.

My DPs and DPILs (all over 72) would laugh at the suggestion of needing accompaniment. It’s not an age thing.

Anxiety is a different matter, though. We can’t know how much support your MIL needs with anxiety.

I think her age is a red herring. It sounds as though she has a fear of flying.
My mum is the same and is a very young 60yr old. I wouldn't dream of putting her on a plane by herself, it would scare the life out of her. She actually lives abroad and is accompanied on every flight. Either myself, dad, sister, etc.

Could you take your holiday over that side of the world? A few days in NY then fly on somewhere else?

71! My mother flew alone til she stopped flying at 90! I’ve never heard of adult children doing this- it must cost a fortune.

The thing is, she probably won’t go if he doesn’t take her.
I don’t really want to be there is August as it’s so humid you can’t do anything and I don’t want to impose us all on them. MIL tends to mainly stay in, but I can’t do that with the DC. We have done it before though, quite a lot. But chances are DH would have to leave anyway.

Seems such a waste, all that extra money and time because she can’t sit in a plane? There’s others around to speak to.

Maybe ask at the airport for some assistance during the flight.

DHM flew over to us at 94 and back - nobody even thought to accompany her although the airport staff made sure she got on the flight ok

Book 'Assistance' for her. Someone will 'baby' her through the whole process from the check in desk through to disembarkation and then,presumably, she can follow the signs to Baggage Reclaim and then Exit..

My grandmother went to New Zealand in her mid-70’s on her own. Why should you not have a summer holiday due to her trip?

This isn't a normal situation. Her age is irrelevant. You really should be encouraging her to speak to someone professional about her anxiety. It clearly affects you, your husband and BIL's lives too. Other than that you can book assistance to help her onto/off the plane and the cabin crew check on their welfare while flying too.