A long one... my mum and step dads new will... more £ going to step dads god daughter than me (my mums daughter!)

[NannyL]

My Mum and my step dad are currently making their will:

My step Dad has no children; my mum has my sister and me. But my step Dad has 1 godchild, she is my age, a distant relative, (his aunts grand child I think.)

Anyway my step dad is a very difficult man (he has no contact at all with his father or siblings as they refuse to talk to him) and my mum is very weak and doesn?t like arguing with him over anything.

My mum really thinks that if they die their house should be split 3 ways: between me, my sister and his god daughter.
He thinks (and this is what they will do) that he will leave all his half to his goddaughter, and that my mum can leave her half (i.e. ¼ each) to my sister and I.

I'm REALLY cross cause I think WHY should she get double the amount as me and my sister? (is this really selfish?)

His reasons behind it are: his goddaughter will never inherit anything?. BECAUSE her parents (and grandparents, and her husbands family) have been the type of people who live in council houses and drink and smoke away every penny while living on the dole and doing no work. (I'm not saying that all people who don?t own their own homes are like this (indeed most are not), but her parents (and my step dad and his family etc) ARE ?those type? of people)

And he thinks its unfair on the god daughter that me and my sister will have shares in both of our sets of grandparents estates, and ultimately my father and mother both have large houses which will eventually be left to us as well. (but also my parents and grandparents have had good jobs, are intelligent people and have worked hard to earn their houses!)

Also my mum put (slightly) more than half the value of the house ?in? to the house (Money from divorcing my dad, in my mind it will always be my dads money) Whilst my step dad put in nearly half the value of the house, the reason he had enough money to put in was he was lucky and bought a house that went up in value by a HUGE amount?. Much more so than most other homes which have all gone up loads?.. fair enough, but most of the time he was living in it he was on the dole (or whatever it was called) and income support (or whatever) were paying the interest on the mortgage, so it wasn?t as if he was ?earning? his house going up in value, he was sitting on his bum (living off the state) and was extremely lucky.

I'm feeling REALLY hard done by that my mum cant be bothered to argue with him, and really cross that he wants to give every penny of his half to her. (she doesn?t like arguing with him, leaves that to me )

We (my step dad and I) have NEVER got on, and he has never been nice to me?. My mum went with him while I was 15 years old?. On my 2nd meeting of him ever he told me if I was his daughter id be living in the streets of London and not welcome in his house ? a few months later I was seriously injured in a car accident (was hit at 50mph as a pedestrian and nearly DIED) and neither he nor my mum came to see me for over a week (they don?t ?like? hospitals) and when he did all he did was moan about loosing his camera (bear in mind I had been in intensive care and high dependency and was still very seriously ill)?.

Am I being unreasonable to think that his god daughter should get twice the amount of money to me should they die?

(also I have nothing against the god daughter? she IS a nice ?normal? person, works hard and owns her own house etc, unlike her ancestors )

NannyL, what would you like to see happen?
For it to be split 50/50 between yourself and sister or...?

(YABU - You are being unreasonable)

Can't understand how it makes sense at all. They are a couple - there are 3 offsrping, comprising her 2 daughters and his god-daughter. Therefore, the money get's split 3 ways. What's hard to understand about that? Unless he is intent on being unreasonable....

I'm not sure if you are being unreasonable or not

But I just wanted to say that I have never known somebody to die yet where there wasn't a huge row afterwards about the wills/money/property. I thought it was just my family but DP's family are going through something similar at the moment. They really do seem to bring out the worse in people

I would be happy if it was split 3 ways as my mum wants too!

If my mum REALLY was happy i would be happy with what she wants.

(my mum is just awful at argueing / discussing and he is a partcualrly difficult person hence even his siblings a father refuse all contact with him.)

I accept she is a special person to him and accept he want to leave her something... thats not an issue in my book

my problem is that my mum thinks 3 ways is fair, my mum wants it 3 ways but she doesnt want to 'argue' so will do as shes told for a quiet life

PAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPP

I think it should be law that all money from estates wills etc. should go to charity as they really do seem to bring out the worst in people. It is absolutely none of your business and it comes screaming across that you don't like your stepdad. That is the issue here, not who they leave their money to.

My guess is that the step father is saying that his godchild won't get anything from anywhere else so he wants all of his half to go to her. NannyL and her sister will receive inheritance from their father's side, as well as this money from their mother, so the step-father figures that this is a fair division.

my mum was an only child, her stepmother hated her, when her dad died suddenly apparently leaving no will the stepmother sold everything and left my mum with nothing...your stepfather sounds more considerate & generous than that. YABU he doesn't have to leave you anything.

yeah, I can understand that. To split it 3 ways would probably be the best thing to do. I would imagine that when you marry someone with children you are accepting the whole package and therefore the children should be treated as yours in regards to these things. I think its appaling the way you were treated by him at such a young age.

On the other hand of things, my father has not contributed one cent to my upbringing since I was 2. I havent seen him in years and years but have heard that he went on to marry again and have another daughter - I would assume she will receive whatever from him (solely) in his will - I dont want, care or expect a penny.
My mother is a recovering alcoholic, a huge heart but was always a disaster money wise - got herself into a lot of death. I ended up having to clear her mortgage for her (60k) to get her out of dire straits, I payed all legal fees for her etc.. and the house is in her name. She now often talks about selling up and travelling to Austrailia to family and enjoying life. I dont care if she blows the lot. I dont want to benefit from her death.

It's their money and whatever they choose to do with it is up to them. But I don't think it is about pounds and pence is it? Are you really that bothered about getting enough of their money after they die? Is it not true instead that you feel that as the daughter, you are higher in the pecking order than a goddaughter and that should be reflected.

Family is not about blood connections alone. It is about love. If your stepdad feels that his goddaughter is a daughter to him, then he will want that recognised.

Personally, I think the whole inheritance thing brings out the worst in people. They really feel their relative's money is theirs, that they have a right to it. They don't. I hope your mum and stepdad spend all their money in their lifetime, jet all over the world, have a brilliant life and die in debt!!

Your share in their assets is not an indication of how much they love you or how important you are compared to other beneficiaries.

The 3-way spilt business is potentially irrelevant unless your mum and stepdad die at the same time. Are they taking legal advice in drafting their wills?

In that case, hope he cops it first, arsenic, cut the brake cables or something then you can ask your mum to change her will.

Job done

It's not true that families always end up squabbling about wills, mine hasn't. I suppose there's always time... but I do tease my father that I will forbid the banns if he tries to get married for a third time.

I like UCM's idea.

Why is your mum's half being split between her daughters and the goddaughter? If you and your sister shared her half and your stepfather's goddaughter had the other it would be a little more understandable, and while clearly they are entitled to divvie up their affairs as they see fit, it seems odd that your mother's portion is being split three ways.

YABU

Never rely on an inheritance. Most of the time people go into residential care and that eats their estate. The only people laughing all the way to the bank are the managers of the care homes taking £1k a week.

We've worked for every penny we have and are happy with things that way. I see lots of people in my IL family talking about inheritances and I just smile politely.

IMO it is correct to divide the house into 2 halves, your mum leaves her half how she wants, your stepfather the same.

It is just luck that he has one step dd, and your mother has 2 dds. Also, shows his real feelings about you all, which in this case, reflects that you have never got on.

Actually, I think you have nothing to resent here, it is fair. Try being me, cut out of my parents will in favour of their favourite child, my brother who is too lazy to buy his own house.

Since huge house price rises, parents have a lot of power with wills (they can give children an easy, mortgage free life, or leave them struggling). Its bound to cause a lot of grief in the next few years.

It's their money, they can do with it whatever they wish.

I want my parents to enjoy every last penny of their money (house included) and leave me nothing.

I would be pissed off if I was you - from your side of the story it sounds fair that the inheritance is split 3 ways.
What does yr sister think?

Legally if these two people own half a house each - how can your mum then leave you two thirds of the house, it isn't hers? You can only bequest in a will what you actually own not bequest part of what someone else owns.

If the house is left in trust then when one passes over nothing is processed until the other person dies, therefore it will not matter who dies first the will cannot be changed.

Where theres a will theres a family fight.

Better they sell up and go and enjoy life with there own money and spend the lot

Where there's a will there's a relative rolls eyes

You're being unreasonable and selfish. The house is not yours to decide what to do with. As a married couple your mum and step-dad are perfectly at liberty to do with their property as they wish to after their deaths. If that involves you getting a share then you are lucky. If it involves the local branch of the Cat Protection League getting a new headquarters then so be it.

Life is too short and dismal to be banking on the demise of others. So crass.

Agnes

yep, YABU. there's no money coming to me, ever. my parents are those sort of people
adults can make their own way in the world.

my money will go equally between my children.

so i understand thatyou would be pissed off. Of course if there is inequity after a death then there is going tobe bad feeling.

however should i be your step sister i would divide it equally

NannyL,

It sounds like you are going to inherent so much. I kinda think this is more about your relationship with your stepdad than what you are going to inherent. It sounds like the two of you really got off to a horrible start and it has been bad every since.

Has it occurred to you that maybe what you really want is for your mom to choose you. By that I mean, you feel that this man has treated you horrible and want your mom to defend you. Sometimes when a parent doesn't stick up for you, it feels like they are on the other person's "side."

It sounds like God Daughter is a nice person so try not to begrudge her. You are going to inherent so much so why fight for this small portion. Let it go and work on your relationship with your mom.