A long one... my mum and step dads new will... more £ going to step dads god daughter than me (my mums daughter!)

[NannyL]

My Mum and my step dad are currently making their will:

My step Dad has no children; my mum has my sister and me. But my step Dad has 1 godchild, she is my age, a distant relative, (his aunts grand child I think.)

Anyway my step dad is a very difficult man (he has no contact at all with his father or siblings as they refuse to talk to him) and my mum is very weak and doesn?t like arguing with him over anything.

My mum really thinks that if they die their house should be split 3 ways: between me, my sister and his god daughter.
He thinks (and this is what they will do) that he will leave all his half to his goddaughter, and that my mum can leave her half (i.e. ¼ each) to my sister and I.

I'm REALLY cross cause I think WHY should she get double the amount as me and my sister? (is this really selfish?)

His reasons behind it are: his goddaughter will never inherit anything?. BECAUSE her parents (and grandparents, and her husbands family) have been the type of people who live in council houses and drink and smoke away every penny while living on the dole and doing no work. (I'm not saying that all people who don?t own their own homes are like this (indeed most are not), but her parents (and my step dad and his family etc) ARE ?those type? of people)

And he thinks its unfair on the god daughter that me and my sister will have shares in both of our sets of grandparents estates, and ultimately my father and mother both have large houses which will eventually be left to us as well. (but also my parents and grandparents have had good jobs, are intelligent people and have worked hard to earn their houses!)

Also my mum put (slightly) more than half the value of the house ?in? to the house (Money from divorcing my dad, in my mind it will always be my dads money) Whilst my step dad put in nearly half the value of the house, the reason he had enough money to put in was he was lucky and bought a house that went up in value by a HUGE amount?. Much more so than most other homes which have all gone up loads?.. fair enough, but most of the time he was living in it he was on the dole (or whatever it was called) and income support (or whatever) were paying the interest on the mortgage, so it wasn?t as if he was ?earning? his house going up in value, he was sitting on his bum (living off the state) and was extremely lucky.

I'm feeling REALLY hard done by that my mum cant be bothered to argue with him, and really cross that he wants to give every penny of his half to her. (she doesn?t like arguing with him, leaves that to me )

We (my step dad and I) have NEVER got on, and he has never been nice to me?. My mum went with him while I was 15 years old?. On my 2nd meeting of him ever he told me if I was his daughter id be living in the streets of London and not welcome in his house ? a few months later I was seriously injured in a car accident (was hit at 50mph as a pedestrian and nearly DIED) and neither he nor my mum came to see me for over a week (they don?t ?like? hospitals) and when he did all he did was moan about loosing his camera (bear in mind I had been in intensive care and high dependency and was still very seriously ill)?.

Am I being unreasonable to think that his god daughter should get twice the amount of money to me should they die?

(also I have nothing against the god daughter? she IS a nice ?normal? person, works hard and owns her own house etc, unlike her ancestors )

My parents went to a funeral this week of my dad's aunt. Two of her daughters did not attend the funeral because they had been left out of the will (as had all her children - the money all left amongst the grandchildren)

How sad is that - to not attend your own mother's funeral because she didn't leave you some money

BTW my dad says they are all OK finacially, big houses, nice holidays etc

Hi, do any mums out there work full time or part time? And if so, how did you find those part time jobs they are rarer than hens teeth don't you think?

I detest when people get arsy about wills.

It is down to the individual where their leave their estate and so many families let the idea of "getting what is rightfully theirs" in the way of life.

Money does not bring back the people who have died, and I think some people forget that.

Though - it does depend on how the will was written, I'm assuming that if he died first then all his share would go to your mum, and when she died, by default, to you and your sister, ie, half the value. In which case, you're sorted if he dies first

Its their money, just because she is your mum doesn't mean that you are entitled to any of it.

Exactly dontlookatme...

My gran is on the verge of moving to the states to be with her son who lives their with his American wife. It involves using all her estate to move over and support herself. She whittled for ages that there would be "no money for you and the girls"

Our reply - Bog off to USA! Money doesnt ease the grief and we'd much prefer to see her enjoying life in USA rather than miserable and isolated here.

omg I would much rather my parents enjoyed any money they had earned during their life time whilst they still could. rather than expecting a nice sum when they pass away. I feel it up to my parents what they do with their money.

exactly they should enjoy it.

they are making their Will ? Surely it is a singular thing, not joint, so you need to know more detail before making such assumptions. It is very unlikely they will die simoultaneously and were they to the elder would be deemed to have predeceased the younger I think. So the issue may be far from as straight forward as you seem to think. Could it be they have agreed this strategy so your mother sees no reason to argue, what leads you to think she wants it 3 ways? There is nothing to stop her wording her will differently if she chooses.

Anyway, what if you Mum dies first, perhaps leaving all to your Step Dad in that instance - he could then decide to change his will and pass all onto Goddaughter . Then you might have something to take issue with. In the meantime whilst I sort of see you point YABU.

Message withdrawn

NannyL, I agree with you. My parents are together and it is totally up to them how they spend and divide their money. However, with a step family whole new issues come into play. The money becomes a metaphor for acceptance - does your stepfather accept you on an equal footing to his own children (or in this case a child that isn't his)?

An aunt of mine left the money she'd inherited from her husband (my mum's brother, who died tragically young) to her second husband. When he died he'd spent most of it on his mistress, but what was left went to his children, bypassing my two cousins. The money would have made a diiference to them but it represents so much more - the betrayal of their mother and of themselves by a man they called 'Dad'.

Dh has a similar situation with his dad and step mum. He's philosophical about it but my bil is furious. If their stepmum chooses she could leave everything to her dcs bypassing dh and his brothers, and my bil is so angry that one stepsister in particular could benefit from all the years his dad has worked hard at the expense of his natural children - she's not avery nice person. Here it is more about unresovled family conflict.

I think step parents of all ages have a tremendous responsibility to ensure all dcs are treated the same.

you are being completely unreasonable. firstly it's his money, secondly as you say he became your step parent when you were 15 and you never got on. where as he was most likely god father to the other girl from her birth.
as for bringing in the source of his money i don't see what relevance that has to anything.

I really don't understand why people feel the need to share the details of their wills before they die. Just look at the sort of upset it can cause.

I honestly have no idea what's in my mum's will, and wouldn't dream of asking.

The trouble with wills isn't just the hurt feelings that bequests (or lack of them) can cause, but also that so much can happen in the intervening years before someone dies anyway ..... am thinking, for example, of care home fees, the family home being sold etc ...... so potentially, what someone intends at this moment in time could be radically changed by circumstances beyond their control in years to come. Given that fact, why even discuss the issue and cause upset when it could have been avoided ?

Well, suppose there are four stepchildre. Two are the children of the mother, and their natural father is a millionaire, and his only children, so going to inherit from him. The mother and the stepfather are relatively poor but own a house worth, say, £280K. He is a widower, and his children will only inherit the house.

What does 'treating all the children equally' mean in this case? Should the house be left in equal shares to all the children, leaving two of the children with a total inheritance of £70K while the others will eventually inherit at least £500K, or should the inheritance be largely left to the stepchildren without the expectations of another huge bequest?

The house should be left to whoever the person making the will wants to leave it to. There is no right and wrong, it's about the wishes of the one who signs at the bottom.

I can't believe how many people seem to think that it is acceptable to expect some form of mention in a will. It's really rude and makes them look like nothing but money grabbing asshats. It's shameful.

Agnes

NannyL, I really feel for you. Being 15 is hard enough, God knows, without having to deal with someone who doesn't like you marrying your mother, just when you need her (not that you admit that, of course). You may have been 15 and, if you were like me at that age, a total pain but you were the child and your stepdad the adult. That the relationship between you failed is down to him. As I said before, this whole business of the will goes back to his non-acceptance of you as a member of his family. When you marry someone you get the whole package including dcs and your stepdad didn't take that on board. I wonder why he has made sure you know the terms of his will?

Aloha, each situation will be different. From what I can gather here regardless of income source the capital invested in the marital home (which seems to be the bulk of the estate) was roughly equal. Anyway, as I said before this obviously reflects the OP's relationship with her stepdad in general and has to do with a lot more than money.

Sorry, I sound like you were marrying your mother! Also I meant that you woulsdn't admit needing your mum when you were 15, not now.

NannyL said, "me and my sister will have shares in both of our sets of grandparents estates, and ultimately my father and mother both have large houses which will eventually be left to us as well."
Whereas the goddaughter (whom he presumably loves) will only ever inherit his share of the house - there is nobody else for her to inherit from.
In terms of finances, NannyL is set to be far better off than her stepfather's godchild. She isn't at all hard done by. If she feels sad about her stepfather never liking her, I can completely understand that, and it is a shame. But it's a totally separate issue. Money isn't love.
My dad died recently and had not a penny to leave me. We aren't dripping with trickledown wealth in my family!

what aloha said

see we can agree....

I never thought for a minute that we couldn't

aloha, of course money isn't love. But it so often becomes a metaphor for it, or the lack of it. I suspect this wouldn't be an issue at all if her stepdad had been a different sort of person.

I am sorry about your dad, I did leave a message for you on another thread (many moons ago I was ionesmum). I know there's nothing I can really say that helps. xxx

no meneither, tbh... think we had a fair few threads we agreed at in the past....
I just thought it was funny right this minute, iykwim

Actually I have every sympathy for the family situation. Must have felt awful to have your mother marry a man you couldn't stand when you were a teenager, and it sounds as if he has been very hostile to you. It all sounds as if it was very, very tough on you, and I'm so sorry your mum didn't support you in the way you would have liked and probably quite reasonably expected. I'm sure you felt betrayed and abandoned in many ways. I would have.
Yet for all that, the money is still a different issue. I think you can only shrug your shoulders, think 'I never expected any different from him' and move on.

I do agree with what aloha says about shrugging your shoulders, there is nothing you can do about it and you have to find a way of living with it and moving on. This whole situation is causing you hassle far more than it is him.

It is only money and to die with money in the bank is an act of gross stupidity. I hope to live my life like that. You make your own way in life. After reading other posts it really does seem like you just want your mammy to side with you. I'm sure there is a lot of history here but the will is not the issue and I would echo what has already been said and concentrate on having some lovely times with your mum.