To think this mother is being mean

[memorial]

DD2 is in year 6 in local village primary. Next year they are all going to different secondaries. It's a lovely friendly class and the kids all get on really well.
She has a friend (let's call her B). B's mother is in a newish relationship with a few stepchildren.
The last week of term they have their leavers show, their "prom", end of year school trip and the kids have planned a meet up in the local park to sign shirts on the last day.
These kids have been in one class together since they were 5.
No doubt it will be an emotional week for them.
B's mother has booked a holiday with her partner and his DC for the last week of term and is taking B out of school. So B will miss all the activities.
DD2 reports she is really upset and they have included her in show rehearsals but she just cries.
So yes I know it's none of my business and I know holidays in school holidays are ridiculously expensive. But AIBU to think this seems thoughtless and mean and of all the weeks to pick her last week of primary seems heartless?

The mother probably didn't realise it was such a big deal.

We have had the dates for the leavers concert and the prom for months

It’s none of your business.

Totally heartless - that last week is filled with those special experiences that they remember as they go on to the next stage. DD1 is 17 and DD2 14 and they still sometimes speak about their final show, leavers party and have kept their signed leavers shirts.

That’s very selfish of the mother.

I agree with you. Could you do something with your dd and her friend before she goes on holiday?

Isabella I agree completely. I know IABU on this bit. But I have known B since she was 5. I feel really sad for her.

Rick that's a really good idea. Might offer to take B and a few of the girls out somewhere

Yes, I would have been upsetting at missing the final week of school. You mention ‘a few’ stepchildren, so maybe that makes the cost prohibitive at other times. But it’s a shame for the child.

I think this is sad- I think some parents just don’t get the significance in the world of an 11 year old.

I'm sure it's cost and I totally get that. Genuinely wondered if I was being unreasonable to think this was mean and whether anyone else would do it?

I know it’s not the same, but at least it’s something. Hope you have fun whatever you do.

I don't know, I'm torn on this, you don't know the circumstances that led to them picking the dates, there could be work stuff, they could have looked at other things she or other children would have missed in school, or perhaps it was actually the only dates they could get. Mean is a but strong. And I'm sure they'll make it up to her, no need for you to do stuff for her

None of your business.

It's hardly heartless or mean it's a holiday which will be great for the family. I think too much big deal is made about leaving primary school I mean a prom etc but that's just my opinion.

I don't remember my last week of primary and I'm only 23. I'm sure she'll get over it.

I don't think it's mean. She probably thought her DD would be thrilled to skip off the last boring week of school. Her friends (and you) need to stop giving weight to the idea that her mother is doing something awful.

Grump that's why I asked actually because it does seem all a bit OTT to me, I don't remember any of this drama when I was at school (but I am very old).
I haven't made a big deal at all to DD2 I'm not colluding with am emotional group of 11 year olds don't be daft.
I've told her that I'm sure B will have a lovely time on holiday and they need to try not to make a big deal of the events in front of her.

I agree with you. Some things come around once - leaving primary school is a big deal especially in the circumstances you outline. Poor girl. That should trump holidays that can happen every year.

Perhaps you could help your DD think of ways her friends could make it a bit better for her? Eg throw her a surprise party of her closest friends. I don’t know, but basically some sort of compensation for her.

You see you just don't know what goes on behind closed doors.

Is the mother having IVF treatment?
Is she having cosmetic surgery?
Are they eloping to get married?
Has a distant relative said they need to see them?
Are the short on cash so booking a holiday within term time makes lots of sense?
Had the girl said she wasn't interested but has now changed her mind?
I don't think it's mean I'm guessing she probably wasn't aware of the festivities and their significance.

The fact that her mum is in a new relationship makes this even harder for the girl. Sounds like the relationship is taking priority over her. That is shit.

Definitely no IVF she's as old as me and would hate even the thought of another baby (this I do know for definite)

My parents did this to me, I've never forgotten and would never ever have done it to mine as a result!

I find all the celebration for leaving primary school baffling. I remember leaving each school and looking forward to the next one but it didn't need a week of festivities to memorize it. Perhaps this mother feels the same and the child is fine at home but gets swept up with the fuss at school.

I don't think it's that big a deal. They'll have a great holiday, and her daughter won't miss much by way of education. I would have happily missed all the end of year nonsense.