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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mother is being mean

131 replies

memorial · 29/06/2019 08:04

DD2 is in year 6 in local village primary. Next year they are all going to different secondaries. It's a lovely friendly class and the kids all get on really well.
She has a friend (let's call her B). B's mother is in a newish relationship with a few stepchildren.
The last week of term they have their leavers show, their "prom", end of year school trip and the kids have planned a meet up in the local park to sign shirts on the last day.
These kids have been in one class together since they were 5.
No doubt it will be an emotional week for them.
B's mother has booked a holiday with her partner and his DC for the last week of term and is taking B out of school. So B will miss all the activities.
DD2 reports she is really upset and they have included her in show rehearsals but she just cries.
So yes I know it's none of my business and I know holidays in school holidays are ridiculously expensive. But AIBU to think this seems thoughtless and mean and of all the weeks to pick her last week of primary seems heartless?

OP posts:
whiteroseredrose · 29/06/2019 08:31

I agree with you OP. After SATs was a magical time for both of my DC. Lots of fun together before they all split up and went to different secondary schools.

One of DDs friends left at the end of Y5 so knew she was going to miss out the next year so they did lots of things together as a friendship group in the summer holidays before she left. Picnic in the park, cinema, sleepover, day out shopping and a trip to a swimming place.

whiteroseredrose · 29/06/2019 08:33

Bridgetreilly you may well have been glad to miss the nonsense but the fact that this girl is crying suggests that she doesn't feel the same way!

MyNewBearTotoro · 29/06/2019 08:33

Taking a child on holiday is definitely not a situation I would describe as ‘mean.’ I thought you were going to say the mother was taking the step children on holiday but leaving out her own DD.

Realistically once the DD gets on holiday it’s unlikely she’s going to be thinking of what her friends are up to in school and chances are she’s not going to stay in touch with most of her primary friends if they’re going to different secondaries. It’s more important she builds good relationships with her new step siblings and it sounds like this holiday will be an opportunity to do this. Of course right now it feels like a big drama, because 11-year-olds are very good at making everything a drama, but actually chances are once she’s on the holiday she won’t feel like she’s missing out and in the long run it’s unlikely to be something she resents.

TinselTimes · 29/06/2019 08:35

Do you know them well enough to offer to have B stay with you for that week so she doesn’t miss out? Would you want to?

Otherwise tbh I think it’s a shame B is upset but we don’t know her mum’s circumstances to know whether she’s being mean or it’s just the best option overall.

stayathomer · 29/06/2019 08:37

the fact that this girl is crying suggests that she doesn't feel the same way! that's because she's in the thick of it and talking about it, of course she's crying but I can get when she's done her last day in school things will be different

NewSchoolNewName · 29/06/2019 08:38

I agree it’s a bad week for them to be away given everything that’s going on at school.

But I suppose the mum didn’t realise how significant it all was when they booked the holiday.

firawla · 29/06/2019 08:39

Yanbu OP I do think it’s quite thoughtless of the Mum. Of all the weeks to pick, I’m sure there would have been another one earlier in the year with a bit less going on?? I don’t think my year 6 would have been overly impressed if I did this to him, as much as holidays are a fun thing too. At this age, their experiences with friends are really important especially at key moments, and it’s a shame to miss out

JacquesHammer · 29/06/2019 08:40

One of DD’s classmates missed the last 3 weeks of primary because their new secondary had started Grin

Hoppinggreen · 29/06/2019 08:44

None of your business but yes, it’s awful
Dd is in Y9 now and still talks about the last few weeks at Primary, it was especially important for her as she went to a different school to her friends.
If the child wasn’t bothered it wouldn’t be so bad but it sounds like she is. In a year or so she probably won’t care but for now and age 11 it feels like a big deal for the poor kid

Hotterthanahotthing · 29/06/2019 08:46

My DD has just had her yr 11 prom as her school doesn't have a 6th form.
I can think of no earthly reason to have a prom at the end of primary school.I think this mum has sense and the girl will enjoy her holiday.

Original poster
memorial · 29/06/2019 08:51

It's not really a "prom". It's a "school disco" in the small school hall with the head doing the music...starting at 5:30 and finishing by 8. They just call it a "prom"

OP posts:
Benjispruce · 29/06/2019 08:53

She probably had no idea all this stuff was going to happen. YABU!
Some parents(mums) get over-invested in theses end of term/leavers things. I work in year 6 and the emotions of some of the girls is running very high. It is a memorable time but I'm not sure labouring the point by having many farewells actually helps them.

katewhinesalot · 29/06/2019 08:54

I do feel sorry for her. It's important at that age. But yes to having a pre prom party just before she goes. Perhaps they could wear their dresses. You could get together with the other parents to create a special night. It won't stop them having fun at the real one. 2x the fun.

SoupDragon · 29/06/2019 08:55

I missed going on the Y6 trip youth hostelling because my parents took me away on holiday for the final 2 weeks. I was really upset about it.

Yes, I think it's mean of whoever made the decision.

Benjispruce · 29/06/2019 08:55

BTW there are several children in my year 6 who will miss the last week/production due to holidays. It's commonplace due to the cost.

thedevondumpling · 29/06/2019 08:55

Can anything be brought forward a week? If she is rehearsing for the show could they do a show (dress rehearsal) before she leaves, can the party in the park move. Might be possible to avoid her missing everything. If the school is small and everyone has known everyone for seven years I'm sure something could be done.

I do sympathise with the little girl, I know it is easy to say she'll forget about it but she is bound to feel left out. When I was ten, so over 50 years ago, I got the lead role in a school play. I had learned the lines, done the rehearsals and then the week before I got home to the "exciting news" that mum had booked a holiday and we were going away and I would miss the play. I was upset, I can still remember how upset, and to top it off I had to go into school the next day and tell my teacher I wouldn't be there for the play. She was so annoyed, which is understandable, but it wasn't my fault. I sat in disgrace and watched while someone else rehearsed my part.

It hurts when you are ten.

SoupDragon · 29/06/2019 08:56

She probably had no idea all this stuff was going to happen.

How disinterested to you have to be not to realise there will be end of year leaving stuff going on?

MaybeitsMaybelline · 29/06/2019 08:56

Sad now, but a week after starting high school no one will remember.

Seriously, mine have absolutely no recollection of their leavers party in the park, and mine is very hazy.

InsertFunnyUsername · 29/06/2019 08:59

Am i the only one who remembers the last week as a bit meh, most of my friendship circle managed to convince our Parents not to send us in on the last day, whats the point we will just watch films etc Blush

Allhailthesun · 29/06/2019 09:01

I think the end of primary celebrations are more for the parents. It’s the end of childhood in many senses.

I don’t get the drama over saying goodbye to your friends thing. The ones that like each other stay in touch regardless and everyone goes on to make new friends. It’s possible to say goodbye and go on holiday without being scarred for life.

Take them out and have a special early Leavers do. I’m sure if it’s a small village school they’ll give her a mention in assembly or something.

LaMarschallin · 29/06/2019 09:01

I'm not really sure what the point of this AIBU is. If the general consensus is that the other mother is BU, what then?
Will you stage some sort of intervention and whisk her child off to attend this last week?

No. I know that's silly. For what it's worth, I agree with you. I think it's a shame that this last week of them all being together will be missed, and I wouldn't have chosen that for my children.

As a PP has said, it would be a lovely gesture to do something special to mark the end of term for your DC and this child.

TheHandsOfNeilBuchanan · 29/06/2019 09:02

We had a year six disco one afternoon after school and signed shirts on the last day. Prom is an American concept and is ridiculous for ten and eleven year olds (don't even get me started on nursery graduations). It's a bit of a shame she'll miss the last week but she won't care in six months and has a brand new group of 'best friends' at her new school.

lljkk · 29/06/2019 09:02

It's just a disco...
I have no sentimentality about DC leaving primary so I guess I won't get it. I will be handing out streamers & celebration chocolates on DS's last day.

tttigress · 29/06/2019 09:05

My personal feeling is that schools dont need Proms. Especially for end of junior or for 16 year olds going into the 6th form.

Judging by some of the posts on here it causes too much hassle all round.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 29/06/2019 09:05

You only get to make those memories once so I agree.

However I am firmly against term time holidays as we are so fortunate to have free education and it devalues it by saying it’s optional and ok to ditch for something fun.