To think this mother is being mean

[memorial]

DD2 is in year 6 in local village primary. Next year they are all going to different secondaries. It's a lovely friendly class and the kids all get on really well.
She has a friend (let's call her B). B's mother is in a newish relationship with a few stepchildren.
The last week of term they have their leavers show, their "prom", end of year school trip and the kids have planned a meet up in the local park to sign shirts on the last day.
These kids have been in one class together since they were 5.
No doubt it will be an emotional week for them.
B's mother has booked a holiday with her partner and his DC for the last week of term and is taking B out of school. So B will miss all the activities.
DD2 reports she is really upset and they have included her in show rehearsals but she just cries.
So yes I know it's none of my business and I know holidays in school holidays are ridiculously expensive. But AIBU to think this seems thoughtless and mean and of all the weeks to pick her last week of primary seems heartless?

Yanbu at all-
Those downplaying it are allowing their anti Americanism to take over because you mentioned prom.
Maybe ‘mean’ is the wrong word, but definitely thoughtless.
I am 40 and can well remember the last school disco and still have the autograph book.
I think missing the school show is more sad though- they will be focused on it for weeks and she won’t be in it so her rehearsal will be wasted. I would have been devastated. I still have the video of my year 6 show and my daughter loves watching it- it’s also much discussed on old school fb groups so missing the last week may well be something that will continue to annoy her even as an adult.
Please do something for her and her friends and make it a bit better.

Depending on how close a friend of your DD she is and whether you have space etc. Could you offer to have her stay behind with you?

Sometimes in life you have to make choices
The child won’t miss any education and that’s a big consideration - she isn’t being pulled for term time effectively as she won’t miss anything important to her future

It’s a school disco

She’ll go to other discos

Prom=disco

The staff and pupils froth and hype this stuff up, then the parents are the shitty ones if they don’t buy in to it. It is bloody ridiculous how many events our school do for the leavers. Celebrate it sure, but does it need an assembly, a dinner, a leavers disco, a leavers lunch and then every parent waiting outside for them on the last day as they are marched through the crowd to massive applause after the teachers have hyped them up to a big emotional state.

However I am firmly against term time holidays as we are so fortunate to have free education and it devalues it by saying it’s optional and ok to ditch for something fun.

The leavers crap isn’t education. There is no education in the last week of school.

My kid is leaving too and there's no way I'd have him miss the last week, but she probably just doesn't get it.

She’ll go to other discos

I do think that leaving primary is a big deal, particularly where they're all going off to different schools. It's a kind of symbolic leap from childhood into adolescence.

The staff and pupils froth and hype this stuff up,

The staff don't ime. We have a leavers production which is part of their learning. That's it.
Our PTA organises the disco/leavers do. Not many teachers have the energy to 'froth' and are quite looking forward to waving their year 6's off iykwim....

we are so fortunate to have free education

Its not fortune and its not free. We pay taxes for it and if you don't vote to support it you lose it.

No luck involved at all.

Yeah its annoying that she is missing the celebrations of primary but if she can still stay friends with some of the girls it won't matter if she misses out on a disco.

I don't know anyone, certainty in my age (30s) that believe the last week of primary had a significant place in their lives. Lets be honest how many people have heaps of good friends from when they were at primary. Once secondary starts you go in different directions.

I am friends with about two, we are not that close and I barely see them.

We had a year six disco one afternoon after school and signed shirts on the last day. Prom is an American concept and is ridiculous for ten and eleven year olds

The OP has clearly said it's just a school disco that they call a prom so it is, in fact, exactly the same as the school disco you had and didn't think "ridiculous".

Could she stay at yours instead of going on holiday with her family and have a really good last week of term?? Is this something that could be broached with her family (obviously if they have booked flights/going abroad then they won't want to waste them). But if they are having a break in this country, perhaps they would be open to the idea. If not, then perhaps you and some other mums can arrange a special day out/event for her.

There is no education in the last week of school.

Putting on a production is educational: learning a script, rehearsals, performing to an audience, designing costumes and sets, singing as a group/solo etc

Also, I feel like these days they make leaving primary a big sob fest and make it into the Huge Thing which just makes kids over-emotional. I went to my niece's leaving service last year, they all sung this mawkish goodbye song (might have been Abba's Slippin Through My Fingers). Lots of the parents with the tissues out etc,

Don't get me wrong they should leave Primary with a decent goodbye from the school, nice assembly and cake, a few memories through photos and anecdotes. But it seems to drag on with various assemblies / services etc for the last couple of weeks.

I missed my last 2 days of primary school for a holiday and was a bit upset but I got over it. However we weren't doing a production or having a prom.

My dd is leaving and literally wouldn’t give a damn about missing the last week. But my year 5 dd would care very much if she missed it next year.

I was a bit whatever when ds1 left primary school.last yr ,yeah his yr six productions n on the last day of term was a bit emotional but the same two kids that had the starring role in every performance since reception got the main parts anyway, I think.he would have preferred a holiday and he didn't got to his" leaving meal" as he didn't want to.

However much people 'don't get it' it's a thing and the kids look forward to the leavers school bbq, the leavers assembly, and most of all the leavers party/prom/disco.
Once the summer term arrives and SATs are over it's what they look forward to, a rite of passage.
@memorial it's very kind of you to think of doing something with the girl and I'm sure she'll love it, but it won't stop her feeling left out when they're all talking about it in school.
YANBU. Whatever her reasoning, I think the mother has been thoughtless.

When I was in school we just left Primary 7 and that was it. There was no ceremony over it. What’s more, no one expected or looked for one.
The primary school leavers fuss has become well overblown now. I’m not sold on it at all. It seems expensive and a hassle. There’s nothing wrong in marking the end of an era of course...but does it have to be quite so all-consuming? I don’t think it does.

We're already planning to take DS2 out of school for his last two weeks of primary. My DS1 will be doing his Gcses that year, so will have a longer summer holiday, we are planning a big trip that year when we can be more flexible with dates.
DS1 s leavers concert was good, but the "prom" was a nightmare with parents and kids falling out over limos and children stressing because the didn't have a partner to take.
My two would definitely prefer a holiday.

Get the kids together over the summer break maybe ?

I agree it’s all a bit over the top
My son is just leaving year6 too
When I left primary we just left. There was no parties. No plays. No barbecue no yearbook no special hoodie no class photo that they ‘have’ to have
No shirt signing no nothing
And yes our school are doing all of that!!

Please don’t offer to have the child to stay with you! Whatever you think about the timing, going on holiday with a new stepfamily is important. Missing it for a school disco sends a very negative message to the rest of the family, and could damage future relationships.

Perhaps she doesn't want to follow the herd. It's not mean to take your family on holiday. Get some perspective?!?

'DD1 is 17 and DD2 14 and they still sometimes speak about their final show, leavers party and have kept their signed leavers shirts.'
"You only get to make those memories once"

My DDs are all over 21 and they've all binned their shirts. First, festivals, trips to Amsterdam/Paris/tattoos etc have all taken over anything that happened in School.

There's been a page made by someone from my DD's (22) High School on FB/Instagram. My DD and many of her peers are rejecting joining it because they've moved on.

It's probably been done for financial reasons and the Girl will enjoy the holiday as much. It's because she feels she's missing out.

It’s none of your business

So we're not allowed to feel sorry for a child who's clearly sad to be missing the end of primary activities? Not allowed to have an opinion? I don't think the op said it was her business did she?