To think this mother is being mean

[memorial]

DD2 is in year 6 in local village primary. Next year they are all going to different secondaries. It's a lovely friendly class and the kids all get on really well.
She has a friend (let's call her B). B's mother is in a newish relationship with a few stepchildren.
The last week of term they have their leavers show, their "prom", end of year school trip and the kids have planned a meet up in the local park to sign shirts on the last day.
These kids have been in one class together since they were 5.
No doubt it will be an emotional week for them.
B's mother has booked a holiday with her partner and his DC for the last week of term and is taking B out of school. So B will miss all the activities.
DD2 reports she is really upset and they have included her in show rehearsals but she just cries.
So yes I know it's none of my business and I know holidays in school holidays are ridiculously expensive. But AIBU to think this seems thoughtless and mean and of all the weeks to pick her last week of primary seems heartless?

Neither of my kids gave a shit about all the end of year stuff and would have happily swapped for a holiday. I still remember my eldest looking around in puzzled wonder at her friends sobbing in their leavers assembly.

So no, she's probably not mean, she's just misjudged it. I don't think there are many parents who haven't misjudged stuff at some point are there? What's the significance of the stepchildren being mentioned by the way?

I also went to a small school with small classes and we'd all been in the same class since we were 5. I remember the last week of primary school being very fun and emotional - but thinking about it I am pretty sure my signed shirts were in the bin before I even finished high school. I am mid twenties now and i walk past some of the people from my primary class in the street often and we don't even acknowledge each other. It seems a big deal now but it will be soon forgotten

Mum's being pretty selfish IMO.

I think far too much fuss is made of leaving primary school tbh.
I couldn't believe when DC1 left the leavers service was completely engineered to making the kids and parents cry. Sad songs, baby pictures etc.
Yes it's the end of an era but quite a few will be going to the same secondary school and probably meet up in the holidays anyway.

Pulling a child out of leavers celebrations to scrub floors all week = mean.
Pulling a child out of school for a holiday and consequently missing leavers celebrations = bad timing.

It doesn't matter whether you think the fuss made is OTT; this child is upset. I can see why; she and her friends have come through primary school together, so they want to enjoy the final week together. Of all the weeks her mum could have chosen for the family holiday, why choose this one?

It sounds like there's a lot more going on than just sadness at missing the final week. This girl has gone through a lot of changes at home, which she's had no say in, with her mum's new relationship and finding herself part of a blended family. It's hardly surprising that she's as upset as she is.

i agree pp, ds leavers assembly was a purposely engineered sobfest.
did we attend the same one??
it actually made me angry! what a thing to do to children!

Oh god it's the #makingmemories crew!!!
I work in a Primary School and over the last 10 years I've watched the end of year 6 celebrations grow to ridiculous proportions.
It doesn't help the kids, a cheery but tearful goodbye at the end of year 6 is all that's necessary but now we have proms, leavers productions, parents organising leavers parties, the list is endless and it starts so early!
The result is increasingly anxious, tearful, emotional 11 year olds, who 10 years ago would have hardly batted an eyelid about leaving primary school. A lot of them are not yet emotionally equipped to deal with all the emotions flying around, which quite frankly are being dumped on them mostly by over involved parents!!
Good for her booking a family holiday, far more memorable in the long term.
And yes, it's absolutely none of your business!

The lack of empathy on this thread is astonishing.

The fact that some of you / your children didn’t care about the end of term is completely irrelevant. The OP has said that this child is sitting in class distressed as the others prepare for the school play.
The mother is thoughtless and putting her child last - this May be unavoidable but it is the truth all the same.

If missing the last day of school for a holiday makes a child miserable for weeks on end then frankly the other parents and the school need to take a hard look at how they or overhyping and stressing their children in an artificial exercise of "making memories".

This. The whole sickly, Instagrammable 'making memories' thing makes my eyes roll so far back in my head they risk getting stuck.

Obviously, it's sad that the child is upset, but if her mother decides to blend families with her new partner and his children, this girl will be potentially facing a lot more compromises than this over the next few years. It may of course be that this sense of fundamental things changing is what is behind her being so upset.

The op has reported that the her child has reported this back.
And why do you think she's so distressed? (if she is) Because schools and parents seem to make such an inappropriate, prolonged fuss about such things these days.

My previous post explains the problem with it all quite clearly but some parents just need those perfect photos for Instagram just a little bit too much.....

Maybe the school need to tone it down then Smiley? You can guarantee by the end of the first term of yr 7 most kids will.have a whole new group of friends .

@DisputedChair exactly!!! I work in a school, it's bloody sickening to watch. Parents literally pushing each other aside to get that 'perfect' shot.
I'll say it again, year 6 aren't yet emotionally equipped to deal with weeks and weeks of build up to all kinds of over done parties etc
Just let them say cheerio on the last day. A decade ago we didn't even get tears on the last day, sadly it's already started at our school. I wonder why? #stopthemadness!!!

velocitygirl7

I don’t think leavers productions are a new thing! We had one when leaving prep and moving to senior school in the 90s!

Probably quite unusual back then but presumably also not full of parents sobbing while updating their social media? Also probably not accompanied by days of leavers proms/parties, picnics, parties at various houses etc?

Maybe it's a case of the girl's mother not placing such importance on these things rather than her being mean. You live in a village so it's not like the friends are never going to see each other again.The leavers show is more for the parents than the kids, and the child can get her friends to sign her shirt on her last day of school and then meet up in the park with them anytime to play and/or reminisce.
Shame about missing the prom and trip maybe, but I'm sure she'll get over that once she's away having fun on holiday, and you may find that it's your DD and her other friends who are the envious when they see her holiday pics.

For me, the mass sentimentalisation of primary school leaving falls into the same category as an adult need for your children to believe in Father Christmas -- there's a thread at least once a year on here in which those of us who don't do FC as literally real with our children are excoriated by parents who have a desperate need for their children to 'stay children as long as possible' and 'experience the magic'. It's about adult needs rather than unprompted children's feelings. I think children are actually fairly pragmatic about thins kind of thing.

You live in a village so it's not like the friends are never going to see each other again.

That's also a fair point.

@DisputedChair Spot on. My school is very diverse and interestingly, it's only the more affluent middle class children that are emotional wrecks at the end of year 6. They are the dc of the parents that organise the prom, picnics, parties etc and they all roam school on the last day with beautiful memory books to sign etc and are literally in pieces by the end of the day.
Our more working class children tend to cope much better, there tends to be a lot of shirt signing etc but they wander off quite cheerfully at the end of the day!
Food for thought definitely....

Probably quite unusual back then but presumably also not full of parents sobbing while updating their social media? Also probably not accompanied by days of leavers proms/parties, picnics, parties at various houses etc?

Well the social media comment is slightly silly isn’t it?

But the rest of it we had professional photos taken, days out, lunches, speech day etc!

Is it seriously such a difficult concept for you to grasp that children may view as important things that adults dismiss?

Well possibly if your quoting had been less selective you might have grasped the point I was making.

Having seen 4 kids through all these stages and into adulthood I've a very clear idea of the impact of adults over hyping things and making them into excessive events which are actually for the benefit of adults not the children.

TBH, these types of threads are a bit judgey. Probably not the best thing to do, but I’m sure her dd will get over it. Let’s be honest, none of us parents are perfect and sometimes choose not to centre our entire life’s around our DCs. These threads are a bit like ‘ ooh how could a parent do that - how lucky my dc is that she has parents who would never do that’.

Maybe she's very serious with this new partner and knows they are in it for the long run, and wants her daughter to have a lovely holiday to bond with her new stepsiblings and she can't afford it during holidays? Maybe she thinks this is more important than the 'fun' week of school which won't even be remembered in a couple of years? Maybe she knows that the girls can still be friends even when they're not at school together and is planning some summer activities for them? I think you're being rather judgey considering it's nothing essential she's missing, just a bit of fun, and she can have plenty more fun over summer with her friends!

Well this is an interesting thread, as I'm currently in the middle of arranging things for our year 6 cohort.

The play - it is a part of education - learning lines, supporting each other, creating props etc. Education in school isn't just about academia these days, we also do the whole social/emotional side of things now too. We also do a leavers assembly, acknowledging that children have been (hopefully!) working hard at the school for 7 years, getting support from school staff to help them develop. It's a celebration of achievement and recognition for each child's individual successes and how proud we are.

Something we have noticed in school is kids emotional health is a lot different to years ago. Some find it hard to cope with change. Resilience is lacking for quite a large proportion these days, and learning that life moves on, but that it will be OK, is an important lesson we help to teach them through the last few weeks. Learning about transition is a thing in our primary.

Please remember this is their experience, it's actually not for the parents, although some think it is. Granted, some kids don't need it, they have family that supports them through it and have resilience in spades, but other kids do. It's not just about your child.

As for this girl in the OP, it must be very hard for her to watch her friends get involved in the play, and all the talk that comes with it, knowing she is not involved. But I dare say mum feels the holiday is more important to bond with her step siblings. Hopefully mum will be helping her with her emotions and helping her through her disappointment. Empathy goes a long way.

It's a celebration of achievement and recognition for each child's individual successes and how proud we are

So every one gets a trophy?
Everyone gets a speaking part?

Utter rubbish - this is the opportunity for school to show case their sporting achievement with the odd science and maths award for ‘the best’ it doesn’t celebrate everyone’s achievements.

Year 6 kids have switched off, and they are wonky emotional because parents and teachers put the pressure on them.

They ar world they should be sad at leaving school, sad it’s their last week, how much they’ll miss their friends blah blah

Yeah we had a,leavers production when I left primary school the school had a,winter and summer concert every year and at the end of the concert the junior 4class ( it was junior 4 not year 6 in My day!😂) did a play.