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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mother is being mean

131 replies

memorial · 29/06/2019 08:04

DD2 is in year 6 in local village primary. Next year they are all going to different secondaries. It's a lovely friendly class and the kids all get on really well.
She has a friend (let's call her B). B's mother is in a newish relationship with a few stepchildren.
The last week of term they have their leavers show, their "prom", end of year school trip and the kids have planned a meet up in the local park to sign shirts on the last day.
These kids have been in one class together since they were 5.
No doubt it will be an emotional week for them.
B's mother has booked a holiday with her partner and his DC for the last week of term and is taking B out of school. So B will miss all the activities.
DD2 reports she is really upset and they have included her in show rehearsals but she just cries.
So yes I know it's none of my business and I know holidays in school holidays are ridiculously expensive. But AIBU to think this seems thoughtless and mean and of all the weeks to pick her last week of primary seems heartless?

OP posts:
Dramaofallama · 29/06/2019 10:03

I missed my prom and leaving do as my parents booked a 2 week holiday to Greece.
I was disappointed at the time but the minute I arrived at Greece that faded and I forgot all about it. I had a great time.

birdonawire1 · 29/06/2019 10:05

I think it was very thoughtless, but not deliberately mean to her dd. Not much you can do about it though

C8H10N4O2 · 29/06/2019 10:15

My DDs are all over 21 and they've all binned their shirts. First, festivals, trips to Amsterdam/Paris/tattoos etc have all taken over anything that happened in School

I agree, mine are all in their 20s and none of them would be able to tell you where their signed shirts are. Not sure when the ridiculously overblown performance leaving started but when mine went through they had leavers assembley and signed each other's shirts in the playground. Parents took pictures if pictures were wanted.

It was plenty frankly.

At primary school the kids are geographically close enough to stay in touch if they are inclined.

OP: if you want to actually help this child you could encourage your DD and her friends to make less of a big deal of the whole pantomime and reassure her that she is lucky to be going on holiday.

icannotremember · 29/06/2019 10:18

It is mean and for all the people saying she won't care later, she cares now. A holiday cannot be worth making your DC miserable for weeks on end, surely?

kmc1111 · 29/06/2019 10:23

That sounds like an awful lot of fuss for primary school. When my kids finished primary school their principal and some teachers gave some little speech and they had the last lesson of the day free to eat some cake and say their goodbyes. No show, no prom, no signed shirts. If they had signed shirts I doubt they could pick out more than a couple of names now as young adults.

The mother has other children to think about. If the choice is giving all her children memories of a great holiday, or giving one child the memory of a school disco and the rest the memories of a shitty holiday or no holiday, well that’s not a hard choice.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/06/2019 10:23

There is no education in the last week of school

I agree with the response about regarding plays. And would also like to add that ending an era, saying goodbye to friends and teachers in a ritualised and protected way is educational.

Being pulled out of school is another way of educating a child.... hopefully on how these children will not act if they ever have children.

memorial
I don’t think mean is the right word. Lacking in thought. Selfish maybe if they could have afforded the holiday a week later.

If it was a choice between missing the end of yr6 and not going on holiday at all, your dds friend should at least have been prepared. Ideally consulted.

Yabbers · 29/06/2019 10:26

Not many teachers have the energy to 'froth' and are quite looking forward to waving their year 6's off iykwim....

Ahh yes, because teachers are so exhausted for working a whole term since two weeks off in Easter. 🙄

Our teachers definitely froth it.

C8H10N4O2 · 29/06/2019 10:27

A holiday cannot be worth making your DC miserable for weeks on end, surely?

Seriously? If missing the last day of school for a holiday makes a child miserable for weeks on end then frankly the other parents and the school need to take a hard look at how they or overhyping and stressing their children in an artificial exercise of "making memories".

Kaddm · 29/06/2019 10:27

The mum prob doesn’t realise what a big deal it is for B

Benjispruce · 29/06/2019 10:28

Oh yabbers well done!

BirthdayDreamer · 29/06/2019 10:31

My parents booked a holiday abroad starting the last week of year 6 when I was that age. We had always had holidays in UK in the middle of August, so this was unusual. I missed the all the fun of the final week, the leaving party disco, saying goodbye to friends and schoolmates properly. My DM didn't care whatsoever, she didn't set any store by any of that. She was not at all empathetic/sympathetic to my feelings. I still feel a bit resentful now as an adult. It wasn't a one-off, these things never are, and if she had been sympathetic and recognised my feelings or at least the situation for me then it would have been a lot better but it was swept away. No patience for feelz. Smile

Yabbers · 29/06/2019 10:31

@Benjispruce

😆

CaMePlaitPas · 29/06/2019 10:36

I wish my parents would have done this, people make such a big deal out of it, I'm nearly 30 and I remember it being such a trauma.

Life is made up of meetings and partings and nothing stays the same forever.

icannotremember · 29/06/2019 10:41

Seriously? If missing the last day of school for a holiday makes a child miserable for weeks on end

The last week and all the events it contains. Is it seriously such a difficult concept for you to grasp that children may view as important things that adults dismiss? This kid sounds like she would much rather be involved in all the activities and events planned for her and her friends to mark the end of the primary school than go on holiday with her mums new boyfriend and his kids and who can blame her?

chipsnmayo · 29/06/2019 10:44

My DD's (21) signed shirt from secondary has sat in her draws since she left, the writing is all smudged so its pretty much unreadable Grin and she hasn't touched the year book in years either. I would say she is still good friends with four girls.

Her primary didn't make that much of a big deal when they left, there was a play, a leavers service and a disco. Think they all left with a class photo and a DVD of the play, I only found the DVD when I was clearing out boxes. I doubt it had been looked at in a decade.

I am shocked they do hoodies, year books etc now, alongside various other activities, fancy 'proms' etc for primary, it must cost parents a fortune!

Hoppinggreen · 29/06/2019 10:52

At the end of the day it doesn’t matter if anyone on here thinks it’s mean or a shame or anything else. The point is does this girl care and it sounds like she does
Unfortunately though there’s not much anyone can do about it

Honeybingbong · 29/06/2019 10:53

The last week of primary school is a big deal for the child. God I’m not ashamed to admit that watching my now grown up ds singing never forget by take that in the leaver assembly still gives me a lump in my throat. His little face all emotional with his arms around his mates.
I wouldn’t take one of mine away but I don’t think the mum is mean either.

My children have all got their shirts that were signed on the last day. Could you maybe get your dd to do one for her friend and give it to her when she gets back ?

SilverNewMoon · 29/06/2019 10:53

I don't see the issue with this - I found my last week of primary school terribly upsetting, especially the leavers service. I would have liked to have skipped it all if I could. It drags it out and makes children think too much about what's happening, and makes kids unnecessarily upset imo.

SoupDragon · 29/06/2019 10:54

If missing the last day of school...

It's not missing the last day of school, it's missing the pay, the trip, the disco and the last day and having to watch all their friends preparing for those things knowing they can't take part. It's utterly shit.

SoupDragon · 29/06/2019 10:54

Play. Not pay.

wellbuggerme · 29/06/2019 10:55

i remember ds yr 6 leavers assembly, parents literally SOBBING lol!

I was like " are they dying"??? a few parents and me looked at each other and were like "wtf"!.

its the parents making such a song and dance over it . most of the kids were all going to the same secondary and play over the summer hols as usual.

rosesandcashmere · 29/06/2019 10:56

I can't remember my last week at junior school, I had one, I'm sure there were tears but I do remember holidays. It's not such a big deal. she's what 11? She can keep in touch. It's not the end of the world

Toodleoopuddle · 29/06/2019 10:56

Couldn't get upset about this. I don't remember anything about the end of school, I'm sure we did stuff. I do remember family holidays though.

wellbuggerme · 29/06/2019 10:57

didn`t help that one of the yr 6 parents had a yr 6 child of her own , hence the sob fest she put on.

the assembly/ week should be about looking forwards to the future, not looking back. (and singing a ton of songs from the greatest showman).

Hoppinggreen · 29/06/2019 10:58

That’s my point
I didn’t care, I wasn’t upset, I wasn’t bothered
That’s great but this girl IS!!

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