Awful School sports day

[Seniorschoolmum]

I’ve just endured my ds’s sports day. My ds loathes sport. He has been stressing about it for weeks. He is the youngest, slowest & smallest in his year. He had to take part in every race and came last in all except one.
This was in front of 300 people.
He was understandably humiliated and very upset, and it showed. The school head walked across to him and told him to stop making a fuss, in front of everyone.
Six weeks ago, his year did SATS. In a class room, not in front of an audience of 300. Those children who weren’t very good were provided with counselling g, two terms of mindfulness sessions and every support.
I wholly agree with that support.

But the head’s behaviour this afternoon was nasty, spiteful, ignorant and unhelpful. I am so angry I can barely speak. I feel like pulling ds out of school for the last 3 weeks of term and wrecking her attendance figures on purpose.

I will calm down in a bit but honestly....

That is just awful. He would never have been put in that position in the school I work in and our head would never behave like that.

Firstly it wasn’t just one race, he was forced to take part in every race. Yes you’d expect kids to get over losing one race but not several.

You would never have a spelling bee / maths day in front of 300 children and their parents where all child were forced to take part in public audience tests over and again.

I’d go to the head demand such a day and insist every kid takes part whatever their ability time and again. Then ask for the Sats results to be publically put on show with names. Suggest he tell the children who will have failed several to stop making a fuss. Then ask him why there is an SEN budget if kids struggling with subjects are expected to go away and improve themselves- with zero fuss.

Just appalling and will put any child in that position off sport for life. I was that child. That attitude does nothing but cause damage which is why you’d never handle a child who struggles in other subjects the same way.

I wish I had the courage to bunk off by high school sports day. It was such a yawn fest. The most training I did for it was decide what to read while I was loitering on thr sidelines in my school uniform like the majority of others.
Still, it was the only day I school where my actions could express to my peers that I cared about them just as much as they did me.
My boys at least know that I think sports day is optional. More important is lifelong fitness.

There’s a bizarre sense of righteous indignation on about sports days, speech days and school play castings. Instead of getting furious and letting your children sulk and cry, isn’t it better to teach them to be proud of the things they are good at, join in gracefully at the things they aren’t so good at, and be pleased for their friends when they win things?

Strongly agree with this

I think Angrybird puts it really well and explains things clearly for those posters who are intent on trying to land their blows.

YANBU. I do not agree that this was just a case of learning to lose graciously. As has been said, he came last repeatedly, and was required to participate. I challenge even the most well-adjusted adult not to feel demoralized in that situation. I also do not think this is a case where he just needs to practice. Some children are just not athletic.

I think your son was treated horribly.

I was one of those kids. I was ok academically but not athletic, and on top of that I had asthma. It was not until we moved when I was about 14 that I joined a swim team and realized I was actually not a bad swimmer. As an adult, I have enjoyed aerobics and dance. But as a child I was miserable. I was treated badly in PE and absolutely hated it. I was picked last for teams (in the days when the teacher would choose the two sportiest girls to be captains and the would pick their teams in turn).

Dodge ball was a living hell. I read recently it was being banned here.

I can honestly say the humiliation stuck with me for years. It was not until I went to university and made friends who were more like me that I found my confidence.

I firmly believe that sports days should be structured in a way that participation is optional in the races etc., and there are activities to choose from. Why not have puzzle stations and see who figures it out fastest as well as running races? There could be throwing games like at carnivals etc. Egg and spoon is a great leveler. Using small teams to solve a scavenger hunt or similar would also be more inclusive than races.

There is in my mind no excuse for chastising the child in public. It simply sets him up for teasing and bullying. A word in private only. I would be extremely annoyed.

Op you haven't explained the seven races yet. I organised a sports day for a very small school and no one ran seven races. No wonder he was exhausted.

That’s exactly it angrybird123 he was back to saying he’s useless and rubbish at everything by this evening.

I don’t think it’s bad parenting, he does school club activities like swimming, gets involved in stuff with other kids, but he lacks confidence.

I would definitely speak to the governors, that’s if you didn’t want to speak to the headteacher directly. I would be annoyed too if my daughter’s headteacher spoke to my daughter like that.

My daughter is in reception and she came last in most her races. But her class and teachers cheered her on really loud and chanting her name when she was nearing the finish line. (It nearly made me cry!) I thought it was so sweet and my daughter was happy with that.

Your child’s school should encourage children to cheer on the ones who come last too in races. I know I would if I was a headteacher.

But surely the difference on Sports Day is that every single other child at the school and their family are there witnessing your inability to do athletics well through no fault of your own. Does the school make every child play the piano in front of the whole school and their families? Does the school make every child take a Maths Olympiad paper in front of the whole school and their families? Why not?

The headteacher sounds horrible.
If he were my son I wouldn’t make it a big deal and hide my own frustration, take him for chips and ice cream and say “don’t worry, I’ll let you stay off school on sports day next year... our little secret”.

If he's humiliated about coming last, it's because he has self-respect and wants to do well. This might put him off sports for a long time, but I'm sure when he's good at something, he'll try his best to excel.

we will never get proper athletes if we dont compete surely,

These kids will never be proper athletes. The other kids beating them by miles does nothing for the competitive ones either.

Forcing kids who hate sport and and are constantly last, to go through that in front of friends and parents is ridiculous. They don’t do it for the kids poor at academics so why for sports.

We’ve been fighting with the school about their lack of inclusion in sports and this year’s sports day was going to be shit for DD. So, we kept her off and went and did something fun instead.

No 'not' that's completely backwards. My DS has little self respect or self esteem. He thinks he's crap at everything. Literally even if he has just done something successfully, like tied his tie, he will say he hasn't. Hell literally flat out deny he has succeeded even when he has, so trying to make him feel good about coming 2nd, 3rd or last isn't going to work.

Also, notice how it is always the non sporty, usually quiet, dare I say geek kids who need to learn “resilience” (And I say that as a proud geek myself) The odd ones out, the ones who are picked on, all need to build resilience that is SO important for them to learn.

Apparently the popular ones, or the sporty ones don’t need such a lesson.

Ah all these lovely stories of 'well it wasn't like that at my school. Cheered us on if we were last'
Well good for you. Tad irrelevant though as that's not what happened here.
That must have been shitty for you and your son op, brings back some not very buried memories for me too. I get where you're coming from completely

He is 10! Yes he does need to toughen up. I say this as someone who came last at everything sporty and felt humiliated. I would never have cried at school or had a tantrum.

Angry maybe I'm judging by myself. I guess I'm fairly competitive, so if I know I'm going to be crap at something - especially if it'll be witnessed by hundreds of people - I would avoid doing it. I'd focus on things I'm good at instead. I'm sure I'm not alone in that!

And sport doesnt mean competing at races in front of 100s of people. Swimming, hiking and other individual sports are just as valid if not more important. Kids need to find something they enjoy, the hell that is sports day does help with that one iota.

Needs to toughen up. Wow so now kids shouldn’t express emotion, great for mental help.

To those saying we don’t do the equivalent with other subjects then i don’t agree. Everyday in school my eldest has to sit in class knowing that he is “last” when it comes to maths/English. Kids are put in groups by ability and he is always in the bottom. The other kids see him going off for additional maths/English support every week. They are constantly tested on academic subjects and I don’t think there is an equivalent focus on other subjects (pe, art, drama etc). Ok, I get that the parents aren’t physically there in class cheering people on during their normal lessons but everyone still knows which kids are struggling academically. For my DS sports day is one day he gets to shine, he is athletic and is naturally sporty. I’d be gutted if they banned sports day because it gives him just one day when he doesn’t have to be “last” at school. If he has to suck it up the rest of the year and accept that others perform better than him academically then surely the same should apply for that one day of the year at sports day? In response to the OP I do think that it seems your school’s sports day needs a rethink, perhaps with more team events so that individuals don’t stand out as coming last in every race.

I do think there’s a lot more support for children who aren’t academic than children who aren’t sporty. I was never very coordinated or fast, but I was very bright. It used to annoy me that our school listed everyone’s times for eg the cross country on the sports notice board, but the kids who were shit at physics didn’t get the same kind of humiliation.

What on earth kind of sports day do you have ? Ours were relays done in class groups with each relay team made up of house groups. The only spectators were the parents of classmates. . Each class moved around to a new themed relay race. The only race where everyone watched was the parents'/carers' race.

Absolutely ridiculous.
My dd comes last in everything every year. She's fine with it. Doesn't like it but congratulates those who win and we go home and tell her how proud we are of her for having a brilliant attitude.

Then we reassure her that no-one will ever expect her to run in a sack or balance an egg on a spoon outside of school 😂.

Resilience is far more important than being good at sport. I'd be mortified if she crued about losing to be honest.

Sports day should have things that are fun to participate in and are not about winning, and children should not be forced to enter races if they don't want to.
Resilience is good but I'm not sure being made to lose 7 times is going to be a useful learning experience.
It's good to realise that crap days happen and you'll be fine. It's also good to learn that your parent is on your side in situations that are excessively crap.
If I were op I'd encourage him to develop more of a positive attitude about the day and think about what went well- avoid feeding any angst about how terrible it was -but also reassure him he won't have to go next year if he doesn't want to

Sorry but I think until there are similar days in other subjects where there is mass public humiliation in front of parents there is no place for sports day. Kids crap at PE have weekly PE lessons to boost the moral of those who struggle in other subjects.