Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Awful School sports day

586 replies

Seniorschoolmum · 28/06/2019 17:50

I’ve just endured my ds’s sports day. My ds loathes sport. He has been stressing about it for weeks. He is the youngest, slowest & smallest in his year. He had to take part in every race and came last in all except one.
This was in front of 300 people.
He was understandably humiliated and very upset, and it showed. The school head walked across to him and told him to stop making a fuss, in front of everyone.
Six weeks ago, his year did SATS. In a class room, not in front of an audience of 300. Those children who weren’t very good were provided with counselling g, two terms of mindfulness sessions and every support.
I wholly agree with that support.

But the head’s behaviour this afternoon was nasty, spiteful, ignorant and unhelpful. I am so angry I can barely speak. I feel like pulling ds out of school for the last 3 weeks of term and wrecking her attendance figures on purpose.

I will calm down in a bit but honestly....

OP posts:
thedevondumpling · 28/06/2019 21:27

Needmorechocolate, the thing is the non sporty kids put up with it every day just like your child with academic stuff because there are PE lessons and try outs for the football team etc but then once a year that get to be ritually humiliated in public.

How would you feel if the whole school plus parents were invited to watch your child trying to do the things they find difficult?

m0therofdragons · 28/06/2019 21:28

Dd1 was like this but now in year 6 has developed resilience (with our help). It's hard but actually a really important strength.

Frazzledandfedup · 28/06/2019 21:30

Taking part in 7 races is a lot and coming last in all of them may feel humiliating, understandably. It's too many races. Teachers should manage this better. Maybe with team events.

Pinkfinkle · 28/06/2019 21:30

Horrible but I think you should actively encourage he continues for his own sense of self confidence. I know that may seem counterproductive but giving up at the first hurdle never helped anyone. Sometimes you have to persevere and I do think that’s important here. Could you perhaps enrol him in some extracurricular sports?

Needmorechocolate · 28/06/2019 21:34

Thedevondumpling - yes I do get the point about it being public. Honestly though, if the school did a spelling bee or similar and everyone had to take part then i’d still expect him to do it and would just make sure I spoke to him before about his other strengths etc. I get that it isn’t nice to be the one to come last and so I do think the OPs school may need to think about how they structure their sports day eg do they earn points for their team by taking part, are there a mix of events (including ones that don’t actually need you to be particularly athletic) etc

Yabbers · 28/06/2019 21:35

Everyday in school my eldest has to sit in class knowing that he is “last” when it comes to maths/English. Kids are put in groups by ability and he is always in the bottom.

In front of the whole school? And their parents? With all of them watching, either with pity or laughing at them?

No, it doesn’t happen like that. Schools have dealt with that a lot but having certificates for “best improved” or “hardest worker” or “nicest kid” because they recognise how to encourage less academic children. Curricula are changed to make sure they are able to gain qualifications that are useful. They still insist on throwing the non sporty ones to the wolves on sports day. It’s an entirely different thing to being bottom of a set.

GreySk1es · 28/06/2019 21:36

My kids are incredibly resilient. One completed a 35 mile expedition with an injured friend in record time for his school. His brother has got through bullying and the third overcomes SENs to do very well academically. I see no need for the public humiliation they endured in front of screaming crowds. Put 2 off sport for life.

Yabbers · 28/06/2019 21:37

if the school did a spelling bee or similar and everyone had to take part

They don’t do that though. Any academic competition is restricted to those who will do well. There would be outcry if they tried otherwise.

Angrybird123 · 28/06/2019 21:37

sparrow that's great. We'll done you and your DD. Maybe you can come and teach me and the op how to sort out our DSs. I'm sure if we just say whatever you said they'll be cured of their crippling lack 9f self confidence. Ffs is it so hard to understand that not all kids, or people in general can deal with things in the same way, no matter how often they are told? For what it's worth my DS does cheer everyone on and makes a point of congratulating the winners but he also has a total sobbing meltdowns about how crap he is. I expect I should just tell him to buck up and then he'll be fine. Hmm

DrCoconut · 28/06/2019 21:38

The message I took away loud and clear from school sports was that I was bad at them and people would laugh at me if I tried. As a result I didn't do any significant physical activity from 16 to about 36. Then I realised I needed to increase my fitness and decided to join a gym and go to park run. Both were terrifying at first. I imagined all the fit sporty types sniggering at my pathetic attempts. But gradually I realised no one cares and I did then improve a lot by just getting stuck in and doing it. A non sporty child can't just teach themself to run. When and how would they do that? I didn't have access to facilities or information any more than a child from a non academic family can teach themself calculus.

Ariadnepersephonecloud · 28/06/2019 21:39

My children are all awesome... At coming last 😁 honestly not a single sporty one among them. They are quite happy to come last generally and I even did a parents race one year to show them how good I was... At coming last too 😁 you just can't be good at everything and sometimes you have to lose gracefully... That being said being in every race seems a bit mujh. My little lasters usually only have to "compete" in one or two.

Mammajay · 28/06/2019 21:41

I would buy him a small present, wrap it up and say this is your prize for being good at cycling. Yep, I ruined my children - both got good degrees, have good jobs and are lovely people!

Yabbers · 28/06/2019 21:42

I know that may seem counterproductive but giving up at the first hurdle never helped anyone

Bollocks. If you are going to quit, quit fast and move on. If you recognise you hate something, that you don’t see that putting in hours of work will have a good outcome, the absolute worst thing you can do is persevere.

The smartest, most successful business people in the world are the ones who know when to quit. And yes, sometimes, that is at the first hurdle.

FamilyOfAliens · 28/06/2019 21:43

Can you arrange a 'family quiz night' and make sure he gets questions he knows?

Teach him to cheat to make himself feel better? Great idea! Hmm

Yabbers · 28/06/2019 21:44

Maybe you can come and teach me and the op how to sort out our DSs.

Mine too. Although DD at 10 is starting to grow out of it. I won’t even try to pretend I have anything to do with that!

stucknoue · 28/06/2019 21:45

Unfortunately the attitude towards sports in school fuels so many body image issues and self esteem not to mention discouraging exercise if you are not good at it. It took me until 45 to actually start doing regular exercise because I was bullied by my sports teachers

OneForTheRoadThen · 28/06/2019 21:45

I used to really hate sports day at school. My mum always made me go and said we all had to do things we don't want to in life. It's interesting how parenting has changed as so many are saying they would let their child skip that day.

Mine are preschoolers so a bit of a long way off, I don't know what I'll do when we get to that point. I definitely don't want them to feel like I did.

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain · 28/06/2019 21:46

The patronising cheering-on you get for being last is worse than being laughed at. Even quite young children know it's not genuine.

DD was/is very active and pursued her chosen sport to a high level as a teen, but she hated school sports, particularly team sports. I remember lots of grim faces and un-necessarily long trips to the toilet.

NeckPainChairSearch · 28/06/2019 21:46

Absolutely ridiculous. My dd comes last in everything every year. She's fine with it. Doesn't like it but congratulates those who win and we go home and tell her how proud we are of her for having a brilliant attitude

Incidentally, did you miss the bit about children not all being exactly the same?

Maybe your daughter could set an example to you about having a bit of that super-shiny 'brilliant attitude' instead of calling other children 'ridiculous'?

listsandbudgets · 28/06/2019 21:49

This makes me so grateful for the system at DD's school (she's in year 8)

Everyone has to do the obstacle race (which is usually very amusing to watch). Otherwise people are allowed to sign up for events and nothing is compulsory. Everyone is encouraged to sign up for something but not forced

DD hates sports so has opted out but will be helping with some of the organisational stuff instead.

lljkk · 28/06/2019 21:49

I was useless at school PE. And bullied generally. All this made me super stubborn about doing my best even if that's somebody else's lousy. I had so much room for improvement, nothing to lose. Since I was 14, I get a lot of exercise.

DS did the mortifying public tantrums crying thing, just b/c he didn't win (neither did he come near last). I stopped going to sports day for a few yrs.

Needmorechocolate · 28/06/2019 21:50

Yabbers - As I said, the OP’s school needs to looks at the way it structures sports day - focus on team events, include “non athletic events etc. I don’t know what sort of sports day you attend where you feel that children are “thrown to the wolves” but none of the ones I have been to have involved the whole school/parents laughing at a child coming last. They’ve all been done in small groups moving around different events - so basically their classmates and a few parents seeing how they perform, not really much different to the class seeing how their classmates perform in other subjects on a daily basis. It starts at primary - everyone knows what book band you are on etc, the kids has to read aloud in class/answer a question. I’m sorry but I’m sticking to my view that sports day is a good thing.

derxa · 28/06/2019 21:50

I'm estimating the sports day lasted four hours minimum. Shock

OhDear2200 · 28/06/2019 21:56

The head is a dick. And those saying that the head just doing his job should read up about the damaging effect of SHAME.

DrCoconut · 28/06/2019 22:05

Greys1es is 100% right. The academic equivalent of sports day is packing the hall with parents and peers then having each child stand up and answer for example maths questions. If you get it wrong or can't do it at all people giggle and jeer at you. Or patronisingly slow clap you. But if you get upset you're just a sore loser or wimp. Would (rightly) not be allowed.