Awful School sports day

[Seniorschoolmum]

I’ve just endured my ds’s sports day. My ds loathes sport. He has been stressing about it for weeks. He is the youngest, slowest & smallest in his year. He had to take part in every race and came last in all except one.
This was in front of 300 people.
He was understandably humiliated and very upset, and it showed. The school head walked across to him and told him to stop making a fuss, in front of everyone.
Six weeks ago, his year did SATS. In a class room, not in front of an audience of 300. Those children who weren’t very good were provided with counselling g, two terms of mindfulness sessions and every support.
I wholly agree with that support.

But the head’s behaviour this afternoon was nasty, spiteful, ignorant and unhelpful. I am so angry I can barely speak. I feel like pulling ds out of school for the last 3 weeks of term and wrecking her attendance figures on purpose.

I will calm down in a bit but honestly....

When I was at school I was shit at PE and did very well academically. Quite a few teachers seemed to take the attitude that because I did well in the classroom there was a certain justice in my PE lessons and enforced sports days being an absolute torment. Even in infant school I recognised that the attitude that it was awful to be made to feel inadequate for academic failure but acceptable and indeed character building to be made to feel inadequate for sporting failure was utter hypocrisy.

Mind you, my mum, also a teacher and thus an absolute stickler for school rules and treating teachers with politeness and basic respect, was also a woman who would not hesitate to stand up for her DC when they were unfairly treated. She has no time for adults who cover unkindness to children with guff about it being good for them. A headteacher choosing to remonstrate with an upset child in front of hundreds of others would have earned her professional and personal contempt. The head teacher in question could have made a much better choice. It's interesting that her instinct was to tell the child off. Is that her usual approach to an upset child? Or does she feel children's emotions are only valid if she thinks the reason they are upset is a good one? Lots of people on this thread seem to.

Just wanted to say your message really struck a chord with me. We had exactly the same thing with our son at Sports days always coming last, in one instance they didn't even wait for our son to finish his race before they started the next one. He used to dread sports day when he was age 5-8 and I always made him go, telling him that in life we have to do things that we don't want to. He would even try and train in the run up to it and then still be last which was heart breaking to watch. As he got older (he's now 11) he has struggled even more with sport and eventually last year we had him assessed privately with a physio and they diagnosed a problem with his muscle tension (different from muscle strength which can be built up, muscle tension you are born with) which means that he will always struggle with sport, so my guilt for all those sports day I made him endure is huge. The point I wanted to make though is I know not all kids will have something like this but when we worked with professional therapists and I raised sports day and the ritual humiliation, their response was "just don't go if it makes him unhappy or creates stress - his mental wellbeing and confidence is far more important" and I wish I had had the confidence to save him from the humiliation in the past. We've changed schools recently and his new school is amazing, - they let the children choose which events they want to enter (although there was a minimum no) and encouraged him to enter things where people compete one at a time long like a long jump or throwing , so it was less obvious. He came last in all of his events, but enjoyed himself and his class cheered him on. I guess the key is how the school manage it. I do agree with your point, that the attitude of many schools seems to be that if children struggle academically , they get support and assistance, but if they struggle with sport, that's just tough. If sports day makes him miserable, take him out and go and do something fun for both of you - have your own sports day and go bowling or sailing for the day!

Ugh. My local paper has picked up on this thread. Not even local to the OP! Must be a slow news day in my area.

My son has joint hyper mobility and low muscle tone although I’ve told other parents I’ve always felt they’ve been dismissive oh yes Tarquin is rubbish at sport too etc. In infants my son got upset that he struggled and so I was dreading it last year but we had a good positive chat and he was alright. This year first year of proper races in juniors I.e. no egg and spoon. He came last in EVERY race I couldn’t make it so his Dad went and I said if he hates it I’m not making him do it again. Do you know what he was fine all the parents cheered him (they could see for themselves how behind the others he was) and he got given a 3rd rosette (even though he was nowhere near 3rd) for trying so hard and he was over the moon. It’s a bit of both they do need to know some of us are good at some things and bad at others but school should have been supportive and given a pat on the back for carrying on when he could have given up.

The school head walked across to him and told him to stop making a fuss, in front of everyone.

^this is what's disgusting and tantamount to an un-supportive head^^

I'd absolutely kick up a fuss about that - not all chidren are 'sporty' and shouldn't be berated for it.

Hi Vonderviche, that is exactly what my son has too. Ironically, when he was younger everyone just assumed he was bad at sport and were quite dismissive about not trying or putting the effort in (even now, some people think it's just made up so he doesn't feel bad about his lack of ability!) However getting his diagnosis has empowered him as he knows he can't compete equally no matter how hard he tries, so when he comes last , it is not a fair comparison and he doesn't feel bad. Sadly it's also become clearer to other people as he's got older that it isn't just a case of being 'sporty as he is now so far behind the others'. I had lovely feedback from his teachers the other day though, pointing out that while he struggles due to his condition, he gives it 110% which they really appreciate unlike some kids who are very capable, but don't bother. Great to know that his efforts are recognised, even when they don't produce results. Glad to hear your son has a supportive school too.

I wonder if there are any PE teachers who were the slow kid who came last. This is a genuine question BTW, not meant to be goady.

Reason I am asking is that I am thinking (providing I can somehow fit this in) is I am toying with becoming a physical trainer in the next decade specializing with helping people who have fallen out of fitness or who never got the habit. It wouldn't be by day job though.

Probably not, just as maths teachers tend not to have dyscalculia.

And humiliation in the classroom is a real problem too. And blights more than one day a year when different DC might shine/struggle

There are absolutely tons of trainers who market themselves like that already.

@Seniorschoolmum I am another of these people who was the ex-micro-preemie smallest, slowest in the year with undiagnosed ASD and associated awful gross motor skills, at three different schools full of house spirit, with compulsory sport, bullying from staff and students and general total obsession with sporting high achievement (Australia in the 80s and 90s - practically every school was like that). I completely see your son's point of view. I completely agree that keeping him off sports day may well be a good solution.

However, that won't fix the rest of the year, and he's still going to have to do athletics all the way through school probably. Something that worked for me was Parkrun - the whole point of it is that it is inclusive and that the speed demons at the front absolutely do not sledge the people puffing along at the back.

Training for Parkrun a couple of times a week, doing it on Saturday mornings, watching my times very slowly improve - generally made me enjoy running in a way I absolutely never had before. That training and fitness also gave me the headspace and time to concentrate enough on running technique, which meant I could begin to realise how to make it easier for myself. Running lightly and quietly in shoes with as little cushioning as possible, not sticking my backside out, getting my balance right, etc makes it all massively easier. Technique really really helps.

No idea if that could be a solution for your son, but if he's 10, there would be plenty of other children of similar age there, if he decided to go along and give it a try.

The thing is while you should do the best you can in PE at school don't worry if you aren't the fastest or the most coordinated. I would write off not being the best at PE simply because everyone develops faster and ignore the focus on competition, no one will give a crap about it 5 years down the line. Do find things that are fun and stay active out of school. Don't let lifelong fitness be the biggest loser.