Awful School sports day

[Seniorschoolmum]

I’ve just endured my ds’s sports day. My ds loathes sport. He has been stressing about it for weeks. He is the youngest, slowest & smallest in his year. He had to take part in every race and came last in all except one.
This was in front of 300 people.
He was understandably humiliated and very upset, and it showed. The school head walked across to him and told him to stop making a fuss, in front of everyone.
Six weeks ago, his year did SATS. In a class room, not in front of an audience of 300. Those children who weren’t very good were provided with counselling g, two terms of mindfulness sessions and every support.
I wholly agree with that support.

But the head’s behaviour this afternoon was nasty, spiteful, ignorant and unhelpful. I am so angry I can barely speak. I feel like pulling ds out of school for the last 3 weeks of term and wrecking her attendance figures on purpose.

I will calm down in a bit but honestly....

It is not ‘humiliation’ to do badly in something. And it is not public either. It is with your schoolmates and their parents. If the general public were admitted, the school would have a serious safeguarding issue.

I personally hated work team bonding outings but never refused them as I saw them as a necessary but unpleasant part of my role.

Every single job has bits you don’t like but have to do anyway. School should prepare for this.

Those parents encouraging students to duck the days they don’t like are doing them no favours.

That’s a daft post. It’s doing something you are crap at in front of peers and their parents which is “in public”. As an adult you have autonomy even at work as a child you don’t.

And such a person is a nasty shit. I don't believe that everyone at a sports day is a nasty shit. It's for the Head and teachers to create a positive attitude. And for spectators to stick to that approach.

The problem with that is it takes now account of how it makes the child feel. So I brought this up with a PE teacher, how my child just wanted the ground to open up and swallow them as they once again came in last and the parents were clapping and cheering, and some laughing, now they might have been genuinely being supportive or they might have been making fun of her but she felt humiliated.

My husband was a dancer at quite a high level, got lots of praise and admiration and female attention. I sometimes think he was attracted to me as I have two left feet and couldn't careless about dancing. However, he still as an old man says he felt the audience really wanted to see him fall over, trip, drop his partner. You can't tell people how they should feel and possibly the "class clown" who joins in with the laughter and cheering might genuinely be happy with that or he might go home and feel suicidal about it.

I personally hated work team bonding outings but never refused them as I saw them as a necessary but unpleasant part of my role. The point being you could refuse them.

Everywhere I have ever worked team bonding outings are part of the job and you can not refuse to do them. If they are not in work paid time it is different.

I had this,.
The teasing from the other children upset me, and I am very laid back.
We made a joke of it, for every race you lose I will pay you £10 towards new trainers that will help you run faster...my child got her brand new Named trainers...
Suddenly the child that won all the races was having fits at his mum for not rewarding him . .

I hated sports days as a kid (especially cross country) but am impressed that schools here seem to be making them more inclusive with all the parents cheering on all the kids and the kids getting to select three races/events (out of a mix of competitive and novelty).

Sports day still haunts me. I was very active outside school as a kid, I went swimming and on long walks with my mum and from the age of about 13 spent every spare minute at the stables.
However I couldn't catch, throw or run fast so school PE was abject misery for me.

I don't know why with sports day then don't make it so that kids who want to take part, take part. And everyone else can watch. Then sporty kids get the chance to shine, those who enjoy taking part even though they lose can take part, and everyone else watches.

It is amazing the number of parents prepared to actively undermine schools. I suspect a lot of those are the same ones who whinge when yo the school when poor behaviour of other pupils damages their own child’s learning...and cannot see a connection between the two.

Imagine if the school told your child that church/tooth brushing/family meals (substitute anything that you consider important as a parent) did not matter and they did not really have to do it.

You choose a school as an institution and (within reason) it is a package deal. There are normally plenty of routes to complain to the school or suggest improvements without undermining the authority of the teachers or the school.

Who would be a teacher these days?!

Nonsense. We are very supportive of school just not prepared to put my child off sport for life and make her miserable. Sometimes you do need to challenge authority. Our primary non religious school made a big fuss of a bible presentation. Some of us withdrew our kids and questioned it. School examined it thought about it and stopped doing it.

MsT,

Does that apply to your parental authority, too, in practice? Or do you just feel what you do is generally sensible and right?

As for the bible presentation, I just prefer to make my child do it and then discuss afterwards. They can just sit quietly with their own thoughts but obey the school in action. Children’s time is not precious and learning to be bored is an important skill...

I don't know why with sports day then don't make it so that kids who want to take part, take part. And everyone else can watch. Then sporty kids get the chance to shine, those who enjoy taking part even though they lose can take part, and everyone else watches.

But you'd be undermining civilisation, the future of our post Brexit golden era and who knows what else.

Back in the real world that is such a sensible suggestion.

It sounds as though your own concerns over sports day has rubbed off onto him. How many kids are there in the class that he has to take place in every race!?

larrygrylls I think you're being a bit harsh here. Imagine that one thing you're crap at & being made to do it in front of 300 plus people?! It's embarrassing for that child.
Most schools do a sort of sports festival. So not all competitive.
I don't think it makes a parent disrespectful of the school ethos to not want their child to feel humiliated.

Our rules pretty fair and reasonable so usually minimal pushback if a child strongly disagrees or is upset we all discuss why and sometimes change our approach depending on child and situation. My parents were great at this so taking their approach.

Primary sports day grinds my gears as so easy to make it fun and competitive- let the fast sporty kids race if they choose to and the others do other stuff. This is what they do late primary and at secondary anyway just the lower school all forced to run my dd was v young for her year and self conscious about so publicly coming last so the second year of this nonsense she stayed home and we read books in the garden. Funnily enough now 13 she loves running and has just come 10th in a race of 500

I cannot believe you just said that children's time isn't precious. It damn well is. Sayi g that you have admitted that they are lesser people than adult.

As for authority, all authority should be questioned. Terrible things happen when authority is blindly obeyed. Terrible things happen when authority is abused, having been on the receiving end of that when still in primary school and in a very public manner.

However, one should always see eat the consequences are with respect to authority whether it be parental or school and that there is a functioning chain of command and accountability if things go wrong. I have been keen to tell my boys this from an early age.

After all, anyone who denies you the information you want or need does kit have your best interests will never be your friend. They do not see you as an equal but your Lord and master.

Exactly John (love your username) As parents our job is to bring up kids that respect authority and the need to fit in for the common good but smart enough to question it when necessary.

Children’s time isn’t precious. Why would it be? Look how much they waste mindlessly on screens (on average). They don’t have to cook or clean, they just have their schoolwork to do. How often do kids complain of being bored?!

MsTSwift, I kind of knew you would think your rules were reasonable and also that they would be ‘open to being questioned’. Surprise, surprise, schools with compulsory sports days think exactly the same a you. They discuss them at length at SLT level, have pupils’ committees who can put ideas forward etc.

I am all for intelligent questioning of stupid rules and challenging through appropriate channels. Just disobeying them, not so much...

There are a lot of parents on this thread who have not thought through the consequences of their actions. They create children with a ridiculous overestimation of their own importance and zero respect for adults.

What utter rubbish. Compulsory sports days are just a hang over from the bad old days but parents expect them so schools obliged to keep banging away with them. I’m GLAD to be a parent that actually listens to their child and acts on it when I think an event is not just unpleasant and pointless but potentially damaging. I don’t exaggerate. Poster after poster on this thread citing unhappy memories of these bloody sports days which potentially put people off sports for life. From a family of teachers and our family utterly swotty school supporting types my kids behaviour is exemplary but skipping sports day is a hill I’m prepared to die on.

But I have zero innate respect for people just because they're not dead yet but that does not mean that I am discourteous or inhospitable and neither are my boys. It is people's action that define them not their status or standing.

MN is obsessed with ‘dying on hills’ over utterly trivial things. Letting kids skip sports day poses no risk and is just detrimental to the school community and gives two fingers to those who come and try their hardest, regardless of ability.

A parent’s and school’s job is to equip children with the mental resilience to tackle challenges, not to just duck them. That is why DofE has become so popular again.

Those who let their kids duck sports day because they did not enjoy theirs are comparing apples with elephants. All sports days I have attended have been inclusive, based on house points (with some earned even for participation), students being able to choose events and even bake stalls etc.

As for this attitude of respect not being due but earned. This is a terrible attitude to bring kids up with. They need to respect a teacher’s authority in the classroom just as an employee needs to respect their boss in the workplace. The alternative is anarchy. There is a discussion to be had with children (which I have a lot) that you can obey whilst not feeling respectful and then you have a choice of trying to change things through accepted channels or finding a school/workplace more in tune with your own internal philosophy.

I agree. Respect should be the default setting. Obviously it can then be lost as well as retained.

DofE is voluntary.

Resilience isn't those who find PE easy having a great sports day. If you want kids struggling to fail in front of 100s of shouting parents and children it needs to be done for every subject.