Awful School sports day

[Seniorschoolmum]

I’ve just endured my ds’s sports day. My ds loathes sport. He has been stressing about it for weeks. He is the youngest, slowest & smallest in his year. He had to take part in every race and came last in all except one.
This was in front of 300 people.
He was understandably humiliated and very upset, and it showed. The school head walked across to him and told him to stop making a fuss, in front of everyone.
Six weeks ago, his year did SATS. In a class room, not in front of an audience of 300. Those children who weren’t very good were provided with counselling g, two terms of mindfulness sessions and every support.
I wholly agree with that support.

But the head’s behaviour this afternoon was nasty, spiteful, ignorant and unhelpful. I am so angry I can barely speak. I feel like pulling ds out of school for the last 3 weeks of term and wrecking her attendance figures on purpose.

I will calm down in a bit but honestly....

My youngest had to do 4 different races and came last in all except 1, where she came second to last. No big deal. She wasn't upset although obviously she would have liked to have a 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th sticker. We praised her for trying and said how well she did to keep going. No fuss. She still enjoyed cheering on her friends and brother (who won 2 races).
I wonder why it was such a big deal to your son? Did you have the "taking part" talk beforehand?

Also, nobody watching would give two hoots about who came last. Parents tend to watch their own child, and would only notice others if they made a fuss.

One thing to remind your son is that no parents really cares how other people do in sports day - both of mine had their sports day last week and I haven’t a clue who came last in any of their races or if it was the same child. I was too busy trying to watch / film my own child.

Having said that - it should be relatively easy to make sports day bearable or even fun for all kids. Our school had lots of silly races like egg and spoon / bean bag on head type races as well as the usual running races so a variety of skills needed. They also do a “water race” where about 10 kids from each team line up and take it in turns to try and get some water out of a big bin with a (leaking) jug, carry it 20 yards and tip into another bin. Impossible to come last in that one as it is a team race.

Non sporty kids generally sign up for the water race and one of the silly ones and everyone seems to enjoy it.

I never understand this. People always say that if a child comes bottom of the class, at least it's done in private, but sports and general exercise are public. So unless we excuse all the unathletic kids from doing sports day (someone will always come last so where do you draw the line?), or make them all do sports day in private on their own with one teacher, I cant really are any other option?

I was thinking of mumsnet today.

There was a little girl in dds class at primary who always came last at sports day. She was a terrible runner, really sweet and smiley, but slow and uncoordinated. She joined an athletics club with my dd who was an excellent runner. Years later and she's just got the county record for the 3000m whereas my dd has given up running in favour of another sport. If your ds wants to improve he can.

I get that you are upset but do your son a favour and use this as a lesson in resilience.

Write a short email to the head and quote whatever crap is in their mission statement about valuing all the children etc.

Sports Day is such a shitty damaging circus.

I’d vote anyone in for PM who vowed to ban it.

I'd say have a party and celebrate the fact that this will be his last sports day - one day off this time of year isn't going to nix his school career.
So far my boys are OK with their sports days but if its going to be hyper competative (but without any actual training to make it meaningful) then they know I have their back.

I do the “taking part” chat every time it comes around. It never works but today was worse than normal.

Sports day is always miserable. He starts stressing straight after half term.

I understand how you must be feeling but from another angle, I went to a very academic school and wasn’t the smartest. Sports day was my day to shine. I was very good at sport and for that one day, I felt good at something. Noone is good at everything and in real life there will be winners and losers.

It sounds like a shitty sports day - there should be a range of events that use different skills so that even the kids who aren’t conventionally sporty can still participate in a fun way.

I find the head's behaviour unacceptable and given that your son is leaving, I'd send a letter to the governors explaining politely how you feel and pointing out that the aim at primary should surely be that everyone is positive about exercise. Public humiliation is never ok. It took me till mid twenties to get over the horror that was school sport. I'm quite fit and active now but as a teacher, still slightly get the shudders when sports day rolls around.

Do something positive for future students. Ensure the head has to justify his approach at the next governors' meeting.

I think ours were very lucky at school. Sports day was running races, egg and spoon, 3 legged, goal kicking, chucking bean bags in circles, everyone had a chance to do something different. Running races all afternoon are soooo boring for most of us children included.

Unfortunately it doesn't always work.out that not academic = sporty. What about the kids that are neither?

I hated all sports at school especially Sports Day but somehow I survived.

Anyway, I went to younger grandchildren's Sports Day yesterday and they had Year 6 children running with the other children and supporting those who were at the back which I thought was a good idea. All the parents watching gave a clap for the last person, no matter how good or bad the participants are someone always has to come last. Olympic athletes are the elite but one of them has to come last.

How old is he, OP?

@Biancadelrioisback there's definitely a way to do it. At my DS's primary school, DCs ran in house groups which meant there weren't even numbers of competitors in most of the races. So no one person could visibly come 'last' because things had to be done a certain number of times within the time limit iyswim. So each team had to do whatever the race was (throwing the ball into the hoop then running and getting it and passing it to the next person, for example) as many times as possible during the set time and they got points which were then weighted depending on how many people in the team.

The scoring was reasonably complicated (and I think usually guessed at!) but it was a way to make sure that slower people didn't stand out.

They also did lots of different races rather than traditional athletics - the throwing one as above, archery when they'd all had a chance to do it that year, funny obstacle races involving putting clothes on and off and doing a sum halfway through, etc etc. Nothing like the school sports of my youth, very inclusive and lots of fun for most children, including my dyspraxic DS who isn't co-ordinated enough for any sport really.

There were also serious 'straight' running races, but they weren't compulsory. It can absolutely be done.

But the head wasn't telling your ds off for coming last, s/he was telling him off for making a fuss. Most teachers I know would probably have ignored the behaviour but perhaps you need to talk to your ds about how he reacts in such situations. FWIW I was the child that came last in everything and I didn't give a shit because, as my mum always said, it wasn't going to help me get into uni.
In our school parents always give a massive cheer to the kids who trail and come last.

Well if he was mine he would def be “sick” on next sports day

Sorry your son was upset, that must have been horrible for him and you to see... But why would an 11 year old "make a fuss" out of not winning and what do you mean by this? Seems a little odd and may be you should chat to him about not getting so upset if he doesn't win?

He starts stressing weeks before?! Does he have issues with having to be perfect at everything? There may have been 300 people watching but literally noone cares. Does he comprehend that?

I say this as the kid who was also rubbish at athletics and dreaded sports day - I think your DS needs to pull himself together and learn to lose gracefully. Not everyone can be good at everything. I came last in lots of events at sports day, but I won the French and Literature prizes at speech day most years. I should imagine there were children in my class who hated not winning those sorts of prizes too, but I would have felt awful if instead of congratulating me, my classmates cried and made a fuss.

There’s a bizarre sense of righteous indignation on about sports days, speech days and school play castings. Instead of getting furious and letting your children sulk and cry, isn’t it better to teach them to be proud of the things they are good at, join in gracefully at the things they aren’t so good at, and be pleased for their friends when they win things?

My ds isn't at all sporty and he used to get quite upset at not winning. So I told him that if he tried his best then that's all we can ask for. I remember last years sports day, him bringing up the rear of the race with the crowd cheering him on for the last few metres. He actually slowed down and started blowing kisses to everyone watching, he was very happy 😊.

Was just giving my personal experience phineyj but understand it must be hard on sports day if you are always last and I do sympathise

Haven't you had a word with the head about the way he spoke to your DS? I sure as hell would