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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Awful School sports day

586 replies

Seniorschoolmum · 28/06/2019 17:50

I’ve just endured my ds’s sports day. My ds loathes sport. He has been stressing about it for weeks. He is the youngest, slowest & smallest in his year. He had to take part in every race and came last in all except one.
This was in front of 300 people.
He was understandably humiliated and very upset, and it showed. The school head walked across to him and told him to stop making a fuss, in front of everyone.
Six weeks ago, his year did SATS. In a class room, not in front of an audience of 300. Those children who weren’t very good were provided with counselling g, two terms of mindfulness sessions and every support.
I wholly agree with that support.

But the head’s behaviour this afternoon was nasty, spiteful, ignorant and unhelpful. I am so angry I can barely speak. I feel like pulling ds out of school for the last 3 weeks of term and wrecking her attendance figures on purpose.

I will calm down in a bit but honestly....

OP posts:
derxa · 28/06/2019 20:03

After the seventh race he was in tears. How in God's name was he in seven races. Is it a very small school? Did every child do seven races?

Original poster
Seniorschoolmum · 28/06/2019 20:04

If a teacher needs to share any kind of an instruction with a child, that’s fine of course but surely taking someone aside for a quiet word is appropriate.
Making it intentionally public was designed to make things worse.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 28/06/2019 20:06

If he really hates it and finds it humilating and overwhelming, then id consider taking him out of school for next years one. I have done this with my kids the last few years.

Pieceofpurplesky · 28/06/2019 20:07

He will be at high school next year. It will be very different as the sporty kids will want to run every race and he can do some of the less other events (shot/javelin etc).
Not sure why he is crying about coming last at 11. Did those that needed mindfulness lessons cry as less academic? Weird that those classes were only offered to some pupils though.
Tell his everyone is different.

Sagradafamiliar · 28/06/2019 20:08

The poor kid was probably mortified to be crying. Doubly humiliating. We cry when we're upset, not because we're manipulative masterminds who love drawing attention to ourselves in public. Shaming a child for crying as he felt shown up in front of hundreds of people is pretty low.

adaline · 28/06/2019 20:10

Not sure why the head thought having a go at a distressed child in public would help.

How is telling someone to stop making a fuss having a go at them?

Pinkyyy · 28/06/2019 20:10

I'm going to assume that he was causing a fuss because you're deliberately refusing to say how he was behaving at the time. This just sounds like poor parenting in all honesty.

EleanorReally · 28/06/2019 20:10

try not to let him take it so seriously op.
someone has to come last, same as someone comes first.

phoenixrosehere · 28/06/2019 20:11

Yanbu.

Some people forget what it’s like to be a child and the impact such things have on people. OP, your son obviously has resilience to go through all those activities despite coming in last in most of them. If he didn’t, he could have stopped at the first one he was last at, but he didn’t. The school head is an arse and could have been more comforting and not embarrassed him further. So glad our Sports Day ( Field Day where I’m from were never like what I hear about here.

Definitely take him out to the activities he enjoys and skip future Sports Days until he feels he wants to participate in them.

GeorgeTheFirst · 28/06/2019 20:11

Some children simply don't have the right body type, so that no matter how hard they train, they will always be slow.

If they train, they will be faster than a lot of the ones who don't. Definitely.

lotusbell · 28/06/2019 20:12

@Pinkyyy, poor parenting? Are you for real???

Pinkyyy · 28/06/2019 20:14

Yes @lotusbell I am. If the OP plans to spend months helping him get over a stupid primary school sports day then something has gone seriously wrong.

sweetiepie1979 · 28/06/2019 20:14

Write to the head. Tell him how it made you and your son feel. He sounds like a dick!

pallisers · 28/06/2019 20:19

Yeah I imagine he must have been kicking off big time for the head to tell him to stop making a fuss.

He is 10. He was upset. He came last in every one of 7 races and didn't have the option of not participating. He wasn't a brave child with mobility issues being cheered over the finish line - just a tired child sick of being last. If they called out academic results in front of entire school and parents by ranked scores and one child had to be the one to stand up as last in the class for all subjects people would think it was unconscionable. We all know that school races mean damn all - but he is a child in school - he hasn't reached that insight yet.

I'd be seriously unimpressed with this head. there are so many things he could have said to that child to defuse the situation and make him smile instead.

LillithsFamiliar · 28/06/2019 20:21

All these posters saying that the other parents won't care. I doubt the DC cares about the other parents. But the other DCs will have noticed and it could be their responses that are making OP's DC so stressed.
OP I'd keep him off next year. He's not learning anything from coming last in every race. That's not the way resilience is built.
And I say that as someone who often came last at sports day but I was completely unphased by it. I just had fun running. If it had upset me, I can't imagine anything more awful than being forced to do it again and again in front of an audience.

skybluee · 28/06/2019 20:21

I believe there should be sports day as it is so worthwhile for so many pupils but it should be restructured so the events are optional and with a wider range including team events.

For example, no one has to run, throw or jump in any event they don't want to.

There should be other options available like: helping with officiating, measuring, timing, writing an article on the day (for a leaflet or newsletter), helping with starting and lane etiquette.

For some pupils it's the highlight of the year and a chance to shine. GCSEs and A Levels are obviously very academically orientated - if you're good at maths it becomes apparent in all of your lessons and exams. Sports day is half a day, once a year, where pupils who are good at sport can shine. I know I looked forward to it for a long time before it! And would train specifically for it, along with helping one of my friends to train for the 800m.

It just needs a rethink. The event itself, the concept, is good. It needs to be administered differently, so it's an enjoyable day for all. It can be done.

I like the sound of the water event, plus tug of war (10 girls on each side) to take the pressure off. I also think there should be more focus on being an official.

Hirsutefirs · 28/06/2019 20:25

I was last in races at school.

It’s a sad person that can’t laugh at themselves.

cdtaylornats · 28/06/2019 20:27

I hated sport - so I made myself indispensable to the teachers.

Need someone to help out at sports event - that's me.
Someone to put records into the computer
Someone to do the paperwork

Always me. - never had time to do any actual sport.

Although one day I found myself going to school on Monday, checked a pocker and had a loaded starter pistol in my blazer.

mcmooberry · 28/06/2019 20:27

My 10 year old son is a crier - still - and I can absolutely imagine him crying in this situation. It's a bad business that he has been stressing about it all term, they must make a big deal about it at your school and 7 races, yikes!!
As someone has already pointed out, I doubt other parents are particularly taking note of who is where, most people are surely concentrating on their own offspring. Sports days are annoying, they favour sprinters, your DS just needs to play the long game, he might be a great climber or distance runner in later life. Or not sporty and it won't matter.

escapade1234 · 28/06/2019 20:29

At our school every last runner is cheered over the line. It’s a very supportive atmosphere and there are awards for the most enthusiastic participant, the most supportive house member etc etc Children also help with setting up the events and act as assistant officials in some events. Everyone has a role and no one is made to feel bad about not excelling at sport.

We also have a couple of daft event that are team-based and a bit silly and more about cooperation than anything else. The weaker runners are usually put on the final “sprint” so they have a shot at glory. It’s nicely done.

I know these things are really hard to take as a parent. But I honestly don’t think you are helping your child if you make a fuss. Dust them off and get on with something else. Lots of kids do enjoy sports day and for them it can be a chance to shine when they may not otherwise.

SandyY2K · 28/06/2019 20:29

Why did he have to take part in every race? Surely one or two would have been enough.

Anyway...next time just keep him off school on sportsday...he's got the weekend to get over it for now.

Silvercatowner · 28/06/2019 20:29

*Sports Day is such a shitty damaging circus.

I’d vote anyone in for PM who vowed to ban it*

Yeah me too. I've a successful career and a good life - but have nothing but awful memories of sports and sports days. As soon as I learned to bunk off I was so much happier. No-one noticed - I suspect I was an embarrassment to the PE staff,

efc1878 · 28/06/2019 20:32

My dd is very sporty- so her school put her in the 400m boys year 6 race (she's year 5- august birthday). Sports day is a strange set up!

NCforthis2019 · 28/06/2019 20:33

Yabu and extremely precious. Teach your son how to lose gracefully and that it’s ok - not everyone excels at sports. The HT wasn’t trying to embarrass him - he was just getting on with things. I say this as a mum who has a little one who is almost always one of the last ones - she’s 5 and she’s aware that not everyone can win - it’s the togetherness that sports day brings about that’s fun for her, and the parents race which they all love!

Angrybird123 · 28/06/2019 20:34

Oh fuck off with 'poor parenting'. I described above how my 10 year old reacts.. V similar to the op's. My DD is no more successful than him but is perfectly fine with it. They've been raised the same. Newsflash, 'teaching' someone something does always equate to them learning it. My DS has reacted badly to losing everything since toddler group games and I have said / tried all the things you might imagine. I won't stop trying and researching and asking for help but he is v v emotionally fragile. I wish he wasn't, it's a pain in the arse and embarrassing at times. I don't 'snowflake' him and work hard to help him to cope. I'm sure the op does the same. And 'months to get over it' may sound dramatic but to kids like this losing = I am rubbish, I am not worth anything. Its not losing the race that takes months to get over, its those feelings. So if any poster on here can point me in the direction of a CAHMS team that isn't overwhelmed or another free counselling service to help my DS not think he's worthless, that would be awesome Hmm

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