Awful School sports day

[Seniorschoolmum]

I’ve just endured my ds’s sports day. My ds loathes sport. He has been stressing about it for weeks. He is the youngest, slowest & smallest in his year. He had to take part in every race and came last in all except one.
This was in front of 300 people.
He was understandably humiliated and very upset, and it showed. The school head walked across to him and told him to stop making a fuss, in front of everyone.
Six weeks ago, his year did SATS. In a class room, not in front of an audience of 300. Those children who weren’t very good were provided with counselling g, two terms of mindfulness sessions and every support.
I wholly agree with that support.

But the head’s behaviour this afternoon was nasty, spiteful, ignorant and unhelpful. I am so angry I can barely speak. I feel like pulling ds out of school for the last 3 weeks of term and wrecking her attendance figures on purpose.

I will calm down in a bit but honestly....

YANBU, shitty thing to do, sports day is awful, it should not be compulsory to run all races, each child should be able to do a token appearance, nothing can destroy love for sport as public humiliation in front of all your peers

my eldest's best friend has struggled wiht this throughout primary, it really affected him, took years for him to find a sport he enjoyed, outside school of course!

one of my DC's also loses all the time, but he doesn't care so much, but that's because he is a popular confident kid with lots of friends, his best friend however is not, blanket attendance is a bad idea, let teachers and parents decide together what's best for a child given specific circumstances

You are welcome to have a day that makes the sporty kids feel good but not at the expense of my dd sorry (not sorry)

I really don't understand this privileging of sport over every other subject at school. Is there a Maths Day?

Every day is maths day. Sports day happens once a year - there are maths/spelling tests most weeks in primary school. Imagine being the kid that does the worst in the maths/spelling test every single week for six years?

Parents can easily pull their kids out of sports day if they really want to - you can't pull your kid out of weekly tests!

I think its important children do sports day. However, having a system where children get upset isn't fair.

Children don't need to do all the races, pick a minimum of 4 out of 8 and spend the rest of the time resting or cheering on your friends.

Have a variety of events for example sprints, hurdles, obstacles, throwing, balancing, skipping, catching, relays. There should always be something a child likes to pick.

Don't forget that children know who is no good at maths, can't read well, always misses a few spellings etc. It's not hidden and these children have to learn how to come with this.

Hes eleven?I'd be much more concerned about his reaction tbh. You need to start teaching him or helping him to develop some resilience. The head was prob doing him a favour,trying to stop him acting that way.

This is extremely outing but it's a funny story and I'll have to name change if anyone I went to school with spots me but I was rubbish at sport at school and I went to a high school that thrived on it. It is now a sports college.
In years 10 and 11 my form tutor was the female PE teacher. I was unsporty but ok academically whereas my older brother was great at sport, so she loved him. One day, in our weekly whole year girls lesson, the PE teacher decided to have a sort of netball tournament, 5 aside, across all 5 form groups. My form had some really sporty girls in it, so the 5 from my form were quickly decided. The rest of us? Oh we could run round the yard a few times, while she sorted the netball. I was enraged (it still annoys me). After we all completed the 5 laps she'd ordered us to do, she dismissed us with another however many more laps, and I refused. She came over to me and told me to start running and I said no. I felt disgusted that she couldn't be bothered to 'teach' the rest of us unsporty girls something worthwhile or inclusive, because she wanted to focus on her precious netball. It resulted in an argument, her grabbing my arm and getting in my face. I told her to "get off my fucking arm" at which point she threw her clipboard on the ground. I was suspended for a day because it was so out if character, they thought I'd lost the plot .
It still angers me and that attitude still prevails. My son is coming towards the end of year 7. He has never been sporty, although enjoys some activities. He has only recently got into football, although he doesn't watch it or support a team, he enjoys playing it with his mates and has started training. At primary school, many boys in his year could kick a ball before they could walk and were really into it, meaning whenever he joined in at break time, if he missed a shot or didnt pass, he was met with abuse and anger from the others. It put him off and knocked his confidence. School were great at getting the kids who weren't naturally sporty to take part in fun, cross school events and games but I've now found out he's in the low 'set' for PE at high school. Didn't even realise they put them in sets for PE these days. It can be very disheartening!

Yes I hated school sports as a child. I have never played any sport since leaving school and I never will.

There is nothing character enhancing about being humiliated repeatedly in public

I've never been to a sportsday that wasn't a boring, seemingly endless, badly organised shitshow so if any of my children were losing sleep over 'competing' then I wouldn't think twice about pulling them out for the day.

Some posters are very unsympathetic. I wouldn't have a problem with sports day if participating in the races wasn't compulsory and you could just opt for the sack race etc. As it usually is it is the equivalent of making a shy tone deaf child sing a solo in a singing context or having a public reading contest with every child in the class reading from the same level of book on stage. To the poster saying "just practice and improve" it is no easier to improve in this area than any other. You can improve but some people will always find it difficult. I would be fuming with the head. Sports day should be fun but it is often organised in a way that causes public embarrassment. I do like watching athletics when the people participating have chosen to. Likewise I enjoy watching musicians perform but not people without musical talent being laughed at.

On balance, and having calmed down, in future he can skip sports day unless he wants to take part, as long as he joins in for the rest of the year.

Thanks for your views. An hour ago I was all for storming the school office on Monday morning..

It’s not hard to run sports days that celebrate the kids that are good at sports and are fun and inclusive for the kids that aren’t great at sports. I seem to remember our school having silly relay races for the kids that weren’t good athletes.

Exactly - I can't understand why a school wouldn't run a mixture of serious competitive races and fun taking part races.

That's pretty much how every major participation focused adult sporting event is run - charity runners who are just there to take part don't compete against elite runners.

Park Run is successful because everyone is supposed to feel supported, whatever their speed.

I doubt any of the 300 would notice or care what position he came in. Perhaps he is feeling your fustration a little bit.

How old is your DS? For the head to have had to come over and tell him to stop making a fuss it sounds like he was making a right bloody drama out of it. It's a race. Someone has to come first and someone has to come last. I see where he gets his dramatics from with your comment about how it will take months of work to get him over it. FFS, really

Op, is he eleven? Was he kicking off in public and that's why rhe head had to come over and tell him to stop making a fuss? Is this why you're avoiding saying how old he is?

It’s not hard to run sports days that celebrate the kids that are good at sports and are fun and inclusive for the kids that aren’t great at sports. Agreed.

Oh and he wasn't humiliated. No one gives a shiny shit about anyone apart from their own kids. No one will have even noticed.

I'd also like to know the same @Bluntness100 I did ask if he was making a fuss but the OP perhaps didn't see my comment as there are a lot. By 11 years old I wouldn't expect them to be kicking off like that. Sounds like he was having a tantrum.

Aw, I'm sorry, OP. Your poor kid.

Agree with the idea of maybe trying some coaching in some sports/exercise activity to help him feel 'mastery' of things. And maybe research some stories of people who overcame obstacles to do well at sports?

I mean, I hate sports and spent most of my life trying to avoid it, I don't think anyone needs to be good at it particularly. But if he's so insecure and unhappy and anxious because he feels he's not good at it, then helping him to find a growth mindset and understand that he can learn to do well might well help?

This woman's brilliant on everything to do with raising kids: www.ahaparenting.com/blog/best_way_to_help_your_child_succeed

Also, if it helps, I bodyswerved sports day this year after falling flat on my face in the parents race last year (very inelegant) and hearing that they uploaded the fucking thing to youtube. So yeah, I sent my partner this year ...

Yeah I imagine he must have been kicking off big time for the head to tell him to stop making a fuss.

He’s 10. After the seventh race he was in tears.

Not sure why the head thought having a go at a distressed child in public would help.

To those people saying ds needs to learn to lose, he’s fine most of the time. Perhaps I should tell him to “man up”. Add in a bit of “stiff upper lip”. That’ll help.

Anyway, he’s asleep now. It’s finished.

All my kids hate sports day however they do lots of climbing, walking, surfing and kayaking so not not active I'd you know what I mean. I hate the fact that all the fuss is not made when they compete in things to do with music or other things.

OP when you say he was in tears, was he crying to you or was he making a display?

I'm just struggling to understand how telling him to stop making a fuss is so hurtful in your eyes.

There’s a girl at DS’s school who has had awful mobility issues. Don’t know the ins and outs of it but she was a wheelchair user then had a pretty hardcore operation and was in full leg casts and now she can walk supported by two specialist walking sticks. She was so desperate to do sports day and she beamed the whole day. She was just so happy to be able to walk.

Sports Day doesn’t have to be awful for the kids who aren’t athletically blessed. It’s all about yours and the schools attitude to it.

However I wouldn’t be happy with the Head in your situation. Unnecessary and pointless.

I think it probably would help more to tell him that than to make him think it will take 'months of work' to get over tbh

Op, he wasn't just quietly crying though was he? It's totally illogical the head would feel the need to come over to him and tell him to stop making a fuss if this was discreet tears. I would assume he was indeed making a fuss.

I understand his upset, but you need to teach him ways to manage that upset, kicking off in public isn't ok and does him no favours. Ten is well old enough to know how to conduct yourself.

Were you simply unable to get him someplace private?