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AIBU?

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Original poster

Awful School sports day

586 replies

Seniorschoolmum · 28/06/2019 17:50

I’ve just endured my ds’s sports day. My ds loathes sport. He has been stressing about it for weeks. He is the youngest, slowest & smallest in his year. He had to take part in every race and came last in all except one.
This was in front of 300 people.
He was understandably humiliated and very upset, and it showed. The school head walked across to him and told him to stop making a fuss, in front of everyone.
Six weeks ago, his year did SATS. In a class room, not in front of an audience of 300. Those children who weren’t very good were provided with counselling g, two terms of mindfulness sessions and every support.
I wholly agree with that support.

But the head’s behaviour this afternoon was nasty, spiteful, ignorant and unhelpful. I am so angry I can barely speak. I feel like pulling ds out of school for the last 3 weeks of term and wrecking her attendance figures on purpose.

I will calm down in a bit but honestly....

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 28/06/2019 19:07

Just phone in and say he's sick on the day. 3 of mine did today for our (secondary school) sports day and I think it's the best thing for DC who eg stressed about it. Saying that, there were some kids who trailed in last and they were the ones who got cheered the most by parents and teachers alike. They tried and were given a lot of encouragement and praise.

Coronapop · 28/06/2019 19:07

YANBU. Take your DS for as many interesting activities over the weekend as you can manage, to distract him from his sad experience of sports day and get him thinking about other things. And perhaps let him have a half day day off next year (dentist appointment or whatever).

Cherrysoup · 28/06/2019 19:08

@MitziK at my last school, very inclusive, the children in wheelchairs were pushed by non wheelchair children, it might strike some people as patronising, but everyone seemed to enjoy it and competition was fierce!

AbGonk · 28/06/2019 19:09

Don't know if anyone has linked yet but there are some excellent points made against sports day on this thread

Promise your DS you'll give him a sick note for every senior school sports day.

Gingernaut · 28/06/2019 19:09

In secondary school, my class went on strike.

Our form teacher was furious.

thedevondumpling · 28/06/2019 19:10

Yes let's cheer on 300 kids all day whilst they recite their times tables. Sounds like a blast. Doesn't sound any worse than watching kids run up and down a bit of grass.

PuppyMonkey · 28/06/2019 19:11

Sports days are pants. My sympathetic mum thankfully let me skive off for a lot of them when I was growing up.

All those on here saying OP’s son just needs to be resilient and practice and he’ll get fitter and better are talking such arse.

I remember I once had to do the shot put event at sports day. Nobody else wanted to do it, they all wanted to run the relay or do the 200m race. Came last of course. A nervous, shy, skinny 13 year old. What a shock. Everyone laughed at me and I was mortified.

As if I was going to go out and practice more to do better at the fucking shot put.Grin

I’m still shit at the fucking shot put and it has yet to impact on my life.

Iris1654 · 28/06/2019 19:12

honestly, I think you can’t be good at everything, it’s good to loose. Crying at loosing is crazy.

However if you/ they are that traumatised by it, just take a sick day. One of mine hates the school play...so we don’t go.

In ten/twenty years time they will remember my kindness. (The play is generally shit😂 )
And I do have the balls to tell school exactly why we are not attending.

haverhill · 28/06/2019 19:14

My son’s school has a three day sports day. Confused

derxa · 28/06/2019 19:15

It's the annual bash sports day thread. Packed full of hyperbole and things that never happened.

SmellMySmellbow · 28/06/2019 19:15

Actually, school play is a good comparison. Some kids hate standing up in front of everyone and solo acting so aren't made to do it, they just stand at the back somewhere in the chorus... Same should apply at sports day. They can go and just cheer on the others in the crowd if they don't fancy it.

MissEliza · 28/06/2019 19:16

@Mummyoflittledragon I'm a TA, a parent and the kid who came last. I have never witnessed or heard of that happening. I must have been at some exceptionally nice schools.

LonelyTiredandLow · 28/06/2019 19:17

I don't really understand the argument that kids who are good at sport need to be seen to be good at it to get credit/feel fulfilled. Kids that excel in Chemistry, History or Geography don't get to stand and show off in front of 300 people every year. Maybe they should, the parents would gain more from hearing the Q & A than sitting in scorching sun for 2+ hours getting heat stroke. Fit-shaming at primary and secondary has lasting effects for teens and beyond. If we want sustainable healthcare, making people watch while some children 'fail' at sport is simply not the way forward; imagine a group of random spectators watching you at the gym! It does seem outdated.

GPatz · 28/06/2019 19:18

If he was upset after coming last in a race, I would agree with those saying he needs to learn to lose gracefully.

However, he had to take part in all the races and came last in all the races, bar one. That's bound to affect any kid.

Crappy way to run a Sports Day in my opinion.

Veterinari · 28/06/2019 19:21

@EleanorReally
we will never get proper athletes if we dont compete surely, although it sounds harsh
Look at rock climbing, parkour, mountaineering, ballet and other dance, and ultra running
There are lots of athletic disciplines that don’t focus on competition - or are this athletes not ‘proper’ Enough for you? Hmm

Lasttobepickedatgames · 28/06/2019 19:22

As you can see from my user name PE was a weekly hour of humiliation. In secondary school I pushed back and refused to do sports day. I'm actually now of above average fitness, I got into it when I left school. Support your son in finding a fitness routine that's right for him, if that's having a dance on his own at home in private so be it. Don't let him do another sports day he isn't comfortable with or it may put him off all fitness which would be a bad thing.

Angrybird123 · 28/06/2019 19:24

Adults post on here every day about how they find x, y, z situation difficult, traumatising, anxiety enducing and on the whole get support and encouragement. Posters who reply 'well I can do it so why can't you' usually get their arse handed to them. So i don't really understand the posters who are saying I coped with losing, I learnt, I thought it was funny etc so the ops DS should do the same. Not everyone is the same, not everyone is resilient and whilst i absolutely agree we should help kids to try and learn that, this is not the way to do it. My DS is ten. Loves sport. Is ok at some of it but never wins and it crushes him. Proper emotional distress. Its fucking embarrassing when he's howling in front of the whole school. I am resilient. I don't really get why he isn't and I have tried til I am blue in the fucking face to help him but so far I haven't been successful, perhaps because Im not a child psychologist which is what I think he needs to help him with his generalised anxiety and low self esteem. I hate sports day because he goes into it with high expectations and hopes and gets crushed every fucking year. It's agony. As is when he is passed over for roles in plays, assemblies etc. Not everyone is good at something. Not everyone is the best at something. If you're sort of OK at everything you never get your chance to win / shine, you just get to watch others do it, and that's hard.

TanMateix · 28/06/2019 19:24

If she is doing well in all areas and has a very good attendance I wouldn’t mind pretending she is sick for a day to save her from the humiliation.

LonelyTiredandLow · 28/06/2019 19:27

If UK said the every school was going to get individual marks for every exam the kids set parents would be in uproar. It's a subject, apparently just the same as the others, yet we don't choose to host the rest in front of the entire parent population. Is it because it is seen as a 'non-subject' which is shit as it affects health for life? Is it because it attracts the dads? Is it because we pay £1 for a bottle of water to stop keeling over so the school gets funded? It's all arse about tit IMO.

Liverbird77 · 28/06/2019 19:27

There is a difference between loathing sport and loathing sports day.
In no other area of the curriculum are children so exposed.
I hate the idea of any child dreading a school event for weeks.
Your poor son. I hope he feels better soon. I bet he is ace at loads of other stuff.

ANiceLuxury · 28/06/2019 19:29

This was my dd last year in reception. She came last in everything and was crying and crying and everyone was staring at her. On some races the teachers got the year 6s to pull her along so she wasnt last as she was so upset but even when she came 2nd to last she still wailed!!

Dh went to the sports day and he said it was awful.

Im glad i wasnt there

KnitFastDieWarm · 28/06/2019 19:29

coming last in everything and feeling humiliated in front of your peers is not the same as ‘not winning’ Hmm
It took me until adulthood to enjoy physical activity, thanks to school PE and sports days. I think they actively discourage less athletic children from getting fitter and healthier because they come to associated physical activity with humiliation and failure.
I’m off hiking all day tomorrow, fortunately no one will be laughing at me or worse, cheering patronisingly Hmm

JacquesHammer · 28/06/2019 19:30

It’s everything that’s wrong with school sports provision when kids feeling humiliated is seen as desirous for building resilience.

It’s totally counter-productive.

donquixotedelamancha · 28/06/2019 19:31

I was that kid. I came last in every sports event. It is humiliating. I wish I'd learnt to fail well much earlier in life.

Praise him when he tries. Praise him when he improves. Tell him it doesn't matter how he does as long as he tries.

Don't feed the drama because he came last- teach him that failure is part of success.

Kyogre · 28/06/2019 19:35

It’s not hard to run sports days that celebrate the kids that are good at sports and are fun and inclusive for the kids that aren’t great at sports. I seem to remember our school having silly relay races for the kids that weren’t good athletes. They were group or house based so no individual would have stood out for being bad. The whole day had a fun fete type of atmosphere. This was a long while ago too.

I was one of the kids that was sporty but struggled academically. I still remember my victories and how delighted I was. It was my moment to shine. 😁
I don’t see anything wrong with sports days as long as they are done properly.