Awful School sports day

[Seniorschoolmum]

I’ve just endured my ds’s sports day. My ds loathes sport. He has been stressing about it for weeks. He is the youngest, slowest & smallest in his year. He had to take part in every race and came last in all except one.
This was in front of 300 people.
He was understandably humiliated and very upset, and it showed. The school head walked across to him and told him to stop making a fuss, in front of everyone.
Six weeks ago, his year did SATS. In a class room, not in front of an audience of 300. Those children who weren’t very good were provided with counselling g, two terms of mindfulness sessions and every support.
I wholly agree with that support.

But the head’s behaviour this afternoon was nasty, spiteful, ignorant and unhelpful. I am so angry I can barely speak. I feel like pulling ds out of school for the last 3 weeks of term and wrecking her attendance figures on purpose.

I will calm down in a bit but honestly....

I much prefer dds sports day. They are split by houses and one house wins. No individual competitiveness. Your poor ds. It is really humiliating to be last at everything. I was that kid too. I cannot fathom why heads still insist on individual achievement. It is pretty obvious if you’re good at sport you tend to know it anyway, besides PE teachers in secondary can praise the children and discuss their merits at parents evening and in primary teachers can encourage everyone.

It's amazing that all these people were so profoundly damaged by coming last in a race yet never thought to help themselves by actually running and getting better at it.

That's ridiculous. Some children simply don't have the right body type, so that no matter how hard they train, they will always be slow. Many others will have problems with co-ordination that they can't just get over by training. If it was that easy to become a fast runner, we'd all be in the Olympics.

I really think sports days should be banned and only held for those who volunteer to participate.

The kids who are bottom of the class in maths do not have 300 parents watching them be the worst!

It is not a life lesson in any way at all other than to put kids who aren't naturally sporty off sport.

Big sympathy for your son and you OP

I don't normally advocate removing a child from school unless they are ill, but given the awful behaviour from the HT I would just say that he is not well next sports day. I am appalled on your behalf.

for both of you

MissEliza
Taunting, bullying, put downs, shame. Use your imagination.

I can understand you feeling upset and angry.
Yes, children do need to understand that they can't win at everything, but it doesn't sound as if the school handled it very well.
Maybe most parents wouldn't have paid attention to anyone except their own child, but a 7 Yr old upset at being last in everything won't understand that.
OPs child might have been making a fuss, but because he was upset. If a child had been upset at not doing well in a classroom activity would the school have given the same response?
When my dd was in infants all children took part in all races. I might be wrong, but have a feel they grouped them so the 6 children in each race were similar ish in ability. If anyone was lagging way behind, one of the staff would run with them to encourage them. They had stickers for 1st, 2nd and 3rd, but they all had a sticker for taking part.
In the holidays our council has lots of children's sports on. Maybe your son could try some to see if there is one he likes.

This is why I don't like school sports days. Competitive sports should be reserved for those who actually want to compete. There is nothing to be gained by forcing children who are shit at sport to engage in races. All it does is risk making these children think they are bad at anything active and turns them of activity. Which is not exactly what we need in a nation of increasingly overweight people.

Six weeks ago, his year did SATS. In a class room, not in front of an audience of 300. Those children who weren’t very good were provided with counselling g, two terms of mindfulness sessions and every support.
I wholly agree with that support

See the message I take from this is that we shouldn't have SATs! They aren't for the kids or the teachers - any competent teacher knows what standard their pupils are at. They are for bureaucrats and politicians. They should be bloody banned. Finland doesn't have this crap and they kick our arse at educating their kids.

You don't have to be fast. Just fitter and more used to running. If you learn to run properly you won't come last unless you are at a school stuffed with uber athletes. Give yourself back control.

I think the attitude of the school makes a big difference, in a nice supportive school it might not be a big deal but in an uncaring only winners count type school it can be very damaging. If the Head is anything to go by this school isn't the first type.

I always hate it when people go on about everyone cheering on the kid at the back, if that child is self conscious that must feel like the ultimate humiliation, all that child wants is for no one to notice.

I had 2 very sporty sons and a very unsporty daughter, She had a teacher who sounds like the Head in the OP and I used to keep her home on sports day. The girls who bullied her didn't need any extra opportunities.

How about getting active and involved in changing the structure of the sports day to include a greater variety of events? Putting the stress on the health aspect of sport?

My friend would not have become better at running through practice. She was very short and stout and much better at aiming and throwing. I can't throw to safe my life (once took out a teacher with a spin ball)

Ok fine, don't bother trying to get better at it. Just cry when you come last then take months to get over the damage. Much easier

I’m with the head on this one. Children need to learn graciously, otherwise they grow into very unpleasant adults.

I was a year younger than everyone from infant school onwards. Luckily I was a fast runner and later a good fighter (rough comprehensive).op your poor son - he sounds overly upset but that’s how he feels - there’s no point a load if us saying he should pull himself together etc. As long as you’ve done what you can to help him out it all into perspective, then it’s hard to deal with.
Well done to him for climbing that tree !

This is why my child is always 'sick' on sports days. Life's too short to be made miserable by something that really doesn't matter.

I would keep him out for future ones. He's not gaining anything from it, it's making him hate sport and feel shit - there nothing to be gained from him attending. Poor lad.

Sports Day is often handled woefully in schools

There is no reason not to deliver a fun, challenging day that accommodates everyone, not just the natural athletes.

Your poor boy OP, school PE does such damage to kids on the whole

My DS came last in nearly everything on sports day. We talked about it beforehand and prepared him well (he has some health issues and will be dealing with these for life, he struggles to run etc.) and talked about how he has done other great things at school and it was time for the sporty children to have their day... and even by doing the races he would be contributing to his house points.

Hence, he got through the day and was a bit disappointed but OK and felt good that did his best (which in our house is the big thing).

However, his school are very supportive of the children who struggle and have lots and lots of opportunities for people to shine in different areas.

In your case I would be raising it with the head and asking whether their response was appropriate. I would communicate the fallout and ask how the school community will support pupils like your son at future sports days.... if they aren't helpful, yes I would skip next years (but work on resilience...)

I would tell him he doesn’t have to do the next one. Next year the two of you will go and do something physical he enjoys instead. There is absolutely no benefit to him participating of it is causing him stress

Physical education at school is about inspiring a love of physical fitness, not about sporting skill. At least that is why it is supposed to be taught. If even one kid leaves an event like this upset, they have failed in that goal

Totally agree with all of the above.

I was always last at sports day. My mum explained that some people were really good at sports, some were really good at drawing, some could play an instrument, some wrote really good stories and I was really good at maths. It wouldn't be fair for one person to be good at everything. Could you maybe point out what he is really good at?

His old is he, seven or eleven?

And how much of a fuss was he making that the head teacher had to come over and speak to him? Was there not a way to take him somewhere private if he was having a melt down?

You're right that it isn't right, and is isn't fair; but the most important thing to take out of this is to work on your ds's resilience. That's your biggest and first battle out of this.
To be so upset is not going to set him up well for the future.
Dd2 also came miserably last, she hated it. She had a shit day, but that was yesterday, it hasn't been mentioned today.
But you make such a good point about the fact that those who need help at academics get so so much help, and yet those who need help at sport, get left in the corner and then humiliated one day a year.

Sports day is the equivalent of making every child stand up in front of the school plus their parents and answer maths questions. When someone gets an answer embarrassingly wrong, they have to suck it up and let the maths geniuses have 'their chance to shine.' That would just never happen. What does happen is the child who is shit at maths gets tonnes and tonnes of extra help.

honestly you're being precious. He needs to learn to lose gracefully

Another here who understands that learning to lose gracefully and being humiliated/feeling humiliated are different things.

Months to undo the damage? Really?

The OP knows her child the best. Adults can hang on to feelings of humiliation for even longer if something has affected their confidence or self-esteem. Why shouldn't kids be afforded the same level of understanding?

we will never get proper athletes if we dont compete surely, although it sounds harsh

Physical education at school is about inspiring a love of physical fitness, not about sporting skill well, it is about both to be fair. There is a difference between sport and exercise, yes, but PE should cover both.

agree that he needs to learn resilience.