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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Awful School sports day

586 replies

Seniorschoolmum · 28/06/2019 17:50

I’ve just endured my ds’s sports day. My ds loathes sport. He has been stressing about it for weeks. He is the youngest, slowest & smallest in his year. He had to take part in every race and came last in all except one.
This was in front of 300 people.
He was understandably humiliated and very upset, and it showed. The school head walked across to him and told him to stop making a fuss, in front of everyone.
Six weeks ago, his year did SATS. In a class room, not in front of an audience of 300. Those children who weren’t very good were provided with counselling g, two terms of mindfulness sessions and every support.
I wholly agree with that support.

But the head’s behaviour this afternoon was nasty, spiteful, ignorant and unhelpful. I am so angry I can barely speak. I feel like pulling ds out of school for the last 3 weeks of term and wrecking her attendance figures on purpose.

I will calm down in a bit but honestly....

OP posts:
SmellMySmellbow · 28/06/2019 18:23

I had a 5 year old DS in tears because he was last in his class race. He's over a head smaller than of some of his class mates. All the taking part is what counts chat goes straight over the head of a 5 year old, no matter how much you drill it. They are just competitive and it's shit. He's the best reader in his class but that's kept hush hush so as not to upset the ones who are struggling. He's been self flagellating ever since and refuses to even run in the park now because 'it's embarrassing'.

PutOnYourDamnSocks · 28/06/2019 18:24

Love sport here. Healthy body healthy mind and all that.

But until tables and spelling test are conducted in public in-front of all the parents I cannot fathom why sport is.

Chinnychinnychinnychib · 28/06/2019 18:25

My Dd is shite at sport but great academically. She hates sports day. I remind her that some people who are kit academic have to feel like this every day!!! So she can suck it up for one day a year....

Fibbke · 28/06/2019 18:25

Do you not like watching competitive sport socks?

Kaykay06 · 28/06/2019 18:26

I was that kid, I hated sports wasn’t sporty at all so sports day was hell I came last in everything. To those saying you can’t always win, it’s a bloody one day a year shit show fine for the kids who enjoy and are good at running etc but for those who aren’t or are quite self conscious (i was relentlessly bullied due to my looks in primary) it’s really horrible. And then for the head teacher to do that I’d be livid and I can feel exactly what I’d have felt if it had happened to me. Not all kids are robust and shrug stuff off.

My youngest is very similar to me, low confidence etc he didn’t want to do sports day and really got upset about it, he has asthma too so struggles just now (meds being tweaked as he’s grown) teacher just told him to do what he could. He ended up doing it all and it’s a small school so they do ‘fun’ games in the morning then a picnic lunch with parents then a race each in the afternoon nothing serious it’s not the olympics tbh. I think with the pressure off he actually enjoyed it he was last but got his ice cream and was happy. I know some kids are athletic and there are clubs and sports classes in school to support that not at the expense of other kids who are good at other things.

Yes we all need to know how to lose but not humiliated in front of peers/staff and parents,

summerishereatlast · 28/06/2019 18:27

Sports day is simply a platform for very sporty children ( like my dd14) to show how good they are. For everyone else it is torture as they battle not to be publicly humiliated like dd9 in exactly the same way you have described. It was our first and last one, we’ve had a day off ever since for every single sports day.
It is totally damaging to label anyone so young as a failure at certain sports, and put them off forever.
Console him with a day out next week, tell him he gets to choose going forward. Ditto agonising school plays, concerts and anything else that forces a child to be publicly embarrassed. All these things should be optional once the child is old enough to know whether it is for them or not.

RoryGillmoresEvilTwin · 28/06/2019 18:27

I'm also the proud owner of the youngest/smallest in his year, in fact the whole school.
I'm dreading sports day! He doesn't enjoy it at all and it's just something to endure! Public humiliation 😣

SunshineCake · 28/06/2019 18:27

Mumnset is a website, not animate person with opinions Hmm.

I would have to have a word with the head about what he said.

whatkatydidalready · 28/06/2019 18:28

Awful School sports day

Yes, they are, aren't they?

BooseysMom · 28/06/2019 18:28

*Sports Day is such a shitty damaging circus.

I’d vote anyone in for PM who vowed to ban it*

Absolutely agree. There was a faction of bullies who made my school life hell. I dreaded PE as i was always last to be picked. Sports day was the ultimate humiliation.

Whathappenedtooursummer · 28/06/2019 18:29

Can you arrange a 'family quiz night' and make sure he gets questions he knows? Quick boost may ease the shitty feelings he has now.
Def complain to the governors...

Purpleartichoke · 28/06/2019 18:30

I would tell him he doesn’t have to do the next one. Next year the two of you will go and do something physical he enjoys instead. There is absolutely no benefit to him participating of it is causing him stress.

Physical education at school is about inspiring a love of physical fitness, not about sporting skill. At least that is why it is supposed to be taught. If even one kid leaves an event like this upset, they have failed in that goal.

MissEliza · 28/06/2019 18:30

@FenellaMaxwell well said. Tbh the only dcs I can think of who make a fuss about sports day are the ones with competitive pushy parents and perhaps are afraid of letting them down.

Fibbke · 28/06/2019 18:31

It's amazing that all these people were so profoundly damaged by coming last in a race yet never thought to help themselves by actually running and getting better at it. It's far easier for a child to get fitter and therefore better at running than it is for an non academic child to improve academically (disclaimer not those who have dyspraxia Smile )

SilverySurfer · 28/06/2019 18:32

I still remember being humiliated every sports day. I was smallest in class and the teacher would lift me up to grab the parallel bars where I was left dangling until I fell off, whereupon I was then lifted up onto a horse (not a real one) which I crawled across and dropped off the other end. I told my parents every year that I would not be doing it again but I somehow always did. They told me I couldn't be good at everything and to be proud of what I did best and that has stayed with me throughout my life.

I hope your son is feeling better now.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 28/06/2019 18:32

How easy to say learn to lose gracefully. Its not about losing the race its about feeling humiliated in front of the other kids and then having that underlined in front of all the interested onlookers by being picked out for a public lecture from the Head. Disgusting and negative way to treat a young child. This is probably the culmination of a difficult term for him. If he's the youngest and smallest in the year, he has probably struggled and most children have by now had more than enough of school and are longing for the holidays. We used to call it end of school burn out.
The Head sounds horrendous and if this is a reflection of the past year, you should consider if he might be happier at a friendlier school.

PositiveVibez · 28/06/2019 18:33

I feel your pain.

But at least I didn't have shitty comments from a teacher to contend with, but I did have to watch my dd crying all the way through a race.

Never. Fucking. Again.

I was going to let her stay off this year, but she didn't want to let her house down.

It was shit. Every year is the same. She is usually the same as your ds. Stresses about it for weeks.

One more year left and then up to high school where sports day is optional - thank fuck.

AuntMarch · 28/06/2019 18:33

This was me at school too. I was much more academic and didn't have to try too hard in class but I am terrible at sports - no coordination, balance or speed!!

I completely disagree with schools not allowing winners - the kids who do struggle academically often get their chance to be among the best at something, and others realise they can't expect to be the best at everything - that's valuable. But there is no excuse for a head teacher to make a child feel worse.

Fwiw- I don't think I did a sports day after year 3. Funnily enough always ended up sick or with an appointment (to have a girly day with my mum and go for lunch)

LadyRannaldini · 28/06/2019 18:34

Having had the pleasure, such a lie, of attending my grandchildren's sports days a few times, I recall that those who seemed to be struggling and coming last were usually the ones who got the most support! Sometimes I think that anxious parents make situations worse for their children, their anxiety rubs off.
I was hopeless of any sport, except tennis, or PE, I wrote excuse notes from my mother, she found out when I was about 45 and I got such a bollocking!

howabout · 28/06/2019 18:34

We have "fun" non competitive sports day. Mine still hated it because she doesn't like all the noise and over excitement surrounding it - most children will turn it into a competition however it is constructed.

She was moaning before the day started and I did the encourage her to join in and have fun thing. I still had to sit and watch her be the only one in 200 to sit down and refuse to take further part half way through.

The difference was our Head sympathised and found her a helper role at the water stall which she excelled at and everyone went home happy.

Your Head sounds rubbish and lacking child management skills and compassion. YANBU

(irony is that my DD likes sport and athletics just not sports day)

MissEliza · 28/06/2019 18:34

I really don't get how coming last in a race equals being humiliated. What a stupid attitude.

Isatis · 28/06/2019 18:34

honestly you're being precious. He needs to learn to lose gracefully

Does anyone seriously imagine OP's son hasn't had years of learning how to lose gracefully? He doesn't have to be forced into entering races where he has to have the whole school watch him come last every time. After all, you wouldn't force the child who is bad at Maths to do tests publicly in front of the whole school where he can be seen to come last, so why do it to the child who is bad at sports?

SeaToSki · 28/06/2019 18:35

Can you ask your DS what he wants to do about it? What can he do to change the situation, blue sky some ideas from getting accepted j to an astronaut program before the next sports day to making an aappintment with the head teacher to explain how he felt as ask for some changes to be made to the format for next year, taking the day off sick, starting a petition to have team races too. See if he can think outside of himself about other kids before and after him that might feel the same way, about kids for whom its their only opportunity to shine all year

If you can shift his narrative to coping and surviving through adversity rather than being a victim , you will build resilience in him and will help him in bigger challenges in the future

Meanwhile an email to the headmaster asking him to clarify his aim in his scolding DS in front of everyone rather than quietly talking to him later is in order. That was not ok.

happybunny007 · 28/06/2019 18:36

Months to undo the damage? Really?

MissConductUS · 28/06/2019 18:37

Are sports days compulsory? I know physical education is required, but do you have the option of not competing on that day?