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AIBU?

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Original poster

Awful School sports day

586 replies

Seniorschoolmum · 28/06/2019 17:50

I’ve just endured my ds’s sports day. My ds loathes sport. He has been stressing about it for weeks. He is the youngest, slowest & smallest in his year. He had to take part in every race and came last in all except one.
This was in front of 300 people.
He was understandably humiliated and very upset, and it showed. The school head walked across to him and told him to stop making a fuss, in front of everyone.
Six weeks ago, his year did SATS. In a class room, not in front of an audience of 300. Those children who weren’t very good were provided with counselling g, two terms of mindfulness sessions and every support.
I wholly agree with that support.

But the head’s behaviour this afternoon was nasty, spiteful, ignorant and unhelpful. I am so angry I can barely speak. I feel like pulling ds out of school for the last 3 weeks of term and wrecking her attendance figures on purpose.

I will calm down in a bit but honestly....

OP posts:
Fibbke · 01/07/2019 15:34

A weekly marathon would be about 40000 steps a week - i donthat in 3 days.

jennymanara · 01/07/2019 16:22

It said in addition to the current average exercise people do. I read the average steps people take are 5,000 a day. This is an average, not based on someone who is more active.

howabout · 01/07/2019 16:32

It is worth bearing in mind that the fitter a person is the less likely they are to get out of breath or hot and sweaty during exercise.

jennymanara · 01/07/2019 16:39

And I do get out of breath during a 30 minute brisk walk.

Fibbke · 01/07/2019 17:00

Walking is great, i enjoy it
But the PPS neighbour might prefer the gym and be getting a more effective workout than walking can provide.

jennymanara · 01/07/2019 17:33

The gym is expensive though. And I personally I hate the gym. Really hate it.

larrygrylls · 01/07/2019 18:29

I think it is fantastic when adults can play competitive sport and try to do it myself (pretty averagely) when I can. However, I think gym, dance, whatever is fine for adult fitness.

Those who have competed, however, at whatever level (4th team is fine!) have learned how to push themselves hard. Those who have not are the strollers on the treadmills, doing themselves very little good.

And weight is lost/gained on the margins. Exercise increases your metabolic rate for quite some time. And 200 calories a day (a very very moderate workout) makes about 1.5 stone of difference per annum (3,000 (k)cal is roughly one pound of body weight).

If you look at the happiness of children who do competitive sport at any level (as long as they are trying) you can see how much joy and confidence it brings.

jennymanara · 01/07/2019 18:49

Yes agree the strollers on treadmills are kidding themselves.

Fibbke · 01/07/2019 20:18

The strollers on treadmills are walking- doesn't make any difference physically if thats outside or in the gym! I love walking outside for mental health reasons but your body doesn't really care if you are walking to the shops or walking on a treadmill! I agree its an expensive way to walk but the gym walkers might also be doing weights or a class, who knows.

ASauvignonADay · 01/07/2019 21:01

I'm still curious as to what "fuss" he was making?

I think the head's comment was insensitive, at least from how it has been portrayed here.

I wonder if the head/staff/other parents there saw it differently. Maybe they think you are "that" parent.

Or maybe their sports day is shit and the staff are rude.

Who knows. We weren't there.

Not all sports days are bad though. Our kids at school aren't pressured to do anything they don't want to and there are lots of fun activities and other jobs they can do.

I'd be proactive - write a letter to challenge the head's comment and the way their day is run (eg. 7 races). Do you have any suggestions for how it could be better?

OBface · 01/07/2019 21:48

@EleanorReally we will never get proper athletes if we dont compete surely, although it sounds harsh. Look at rock climbing, parkour, mountaineering, ballet and other dance, and ultra running
There are lots of athletic disciplines that don’t focus on competition - or are this athletes not ‘proper’

I think you'll find that the ballet world is as competitive as any Hmm

EleanorReally · 01/07/2019 21:51

That's what I thought obface

LadyLannister · 02/07/2019 07:34

I can totally understand why your son was upset OP and I hope he’s feeling a bit better about it all. I think you’ve had some harsh replies on here from people who don’t understand how horrible sports day can be for someone who isn’t sporty.

My twins are the same age as your son and both hate sports day. They both have problems with joint hyper mobility so are never going to be athletes. Their school make a massive deal out of sports day. They have 4 or 5 throwing comps, 4 or 5 running races and about the same amount of novelty races (sack races etc). The kids have to compete in all of them. It’s too much when you’re going to come last in every single one. The same few kids end up with about 8 medals round their neck, whilst everyone else ends up with none. The same fuss isn’t made when a child does well in an academic subject, or art or music. I’m all for competitive sports when it’s optional and left to the competitive kids to compete.

However, I do tell my kids to put a smile on their face and remember that they’re good at lots of other things. It doesn’t hurt them to know that they can’t be the best at everything.

SalrycLuxx · 02/07/2019 08:33

I’m a treadmill stroller. Because I literally cannot run due to injury. Impact causes severe pain. Yet treadmills, being level and having a bit of ‘give’ are perfect for me to walk on.

Everyone comes to exercise in their own way, and at least we’re going faster than if we sat on the couch all day.

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 02/07/2019 14:35

Thing is I see some good practice ans terrible practice everywhere. My PE teachers were actually decent but where laboring with a crappy curriculum. The irony is not lost on me that the only time I ever got sweaty and out of breath was doing 'girly' stuff as it as mostly solitary (aerobics, jump rope etc)
My oldest had a sports week going to different schools ans trying stuff out (what didn't get rained off that is). He was ambivalent about it but I thought the basic idea was good.

I can see that team sports can build camaraderie but not on their own from the ground up. I f anything they make peer groups more, not less divisive.
And there is a strong disincentive to get better if all it means that everyone fights to avoid having you on their team - why bother? At least it means they leave you alone more.

Not to mention the noise of Sports day. I was having to use my self hypnosis to the max to tolerate it.

(from the smallest in their year Inc 6th form and with undiagnosed ASD and the iffy gross motor skills that go with it.)

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 05/07/2019 22:28

Anyone think that there would be more uptake for school sports day it it was made optional?

Would it kill them to poll children and parents for ideas (with sensible boundaries, we don't want it to go completely Mario Party!)

vszion · 05/07/2019 22:42

I was always last and my mum used to give me the day off. I was never sporty or competitive but I still enjoyed exercising and. Keeping fit when I left school .
I feel really sorry for you and your son I think I would have cried.
My son is very tall and athletic in his class and always comes first and is more advance when it comes to physical challenges but not so good at maths etc and when I was present during group time once and all the other children were confidently shouting out there Answers and my son was sinking into his seat I actually did cry cause I felt so sorry for him (in private) and that was literally in front of 5 other people and I couldn't deal with it so I really do feel for you .

Oblomov19 · 05/07/2019 22:47

I'm not sure I agree with OP that it'll take him months to get over. It shouldn't. We can't all be good at everything. That really isn't a problem. Half of us are average!!

Jimdandy · 05/07/2019 22:53

It’s tough on him and she shouldn’t have behaved that way but..

Life is tough and a competition. There’s going to be no one left with any backbone soon just going to be surrounded by snowflakes

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 06/07/2019 08:00

Thing is the type of competition that is part of life is something I have control of in terms of the skills and qualifications I have acquired and my experience - - although that sometimes matters fuck all if your main skill appears to spook HR people--, not something more dependant on the generic lottery ans the time of year your you are born. No one makes be apply to be a lawyer or an Olympic athlete as it's not what I do.

Cl1pperT · 06/07/2019 08:20

Why does having a backbone mean enduring public humiliation on sports day? Hmm

MsTSwift · 06/07/2019 08:24

Having a backbone is enduring something hating it then having the balls to refuse to put yourself through it again despite pressure and disapproval from others. That I admire.

converseandjeans · 06/07/2019 08:28

YANBU we would not expect an adult to perform in front of that many people & be made to feel silly.
Fair enough they need to learn to lose gracefully. So that is fine if for example they keep coming 4th and losing out on medals & have a strop. Or they do well in one race but have a strop when they do badly in another.
You would never make all students perform maths in front of all parents & have some poor kid made to look stupid.
I would speak to the head - it's not going to make them more resilient forcing them to do this. Perhaps he can be 'ill' next year.

Actionhasmagic · 06/07/2019 08:29

This was me too... I felt awful

Was good at creative subjects though and felt comfortable in these places

I think it ended up that I pretended to be sick on sports days.

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