Awful School sports day

[Seniorschoolmum]

I’ve just endured my ds’s sports day. My ds loathes sport. He has been stressing about it for weeks. He is the youngest, slowest & smallest in his year. He had to take part in every race and came last in all except one.
This was in front of 300 people.
He was understandably humiliated and very upset, and it showed. The school head walked across to him and told him to stop making a fuss, in front of everyone.
Six weeks ago, his year did SATS. In a class room, not in front of an audience of 300. Those children who weren’t very good were provided with counselling g, two terms of mindfulness sessions and every support.
I wholly agree with that support.

But the head’s behaviour this afternoon was nasty, spiteful, ignorant and unhelpful. I am so angry I can barely speak. I feel like pulling ds out of school for the last 3 weeks of term and wrecking her attendance figures on purpose.

I will calm down in a bit but honestly....

I think that there is a much better way to have Sports Day. Just fun, non-competitive games and a family picnic after.

At my dc's school, we divided children into groups of 7-10. 2 parents/group.

We had many, many parent volunteers ...and some FUN/ORIGINAL games as well as some expected ones. No races in front of the school. Just fun.

Yes, some dc were awful, but with silly games, eventually everyone was a winner or loser
The emphasis was on moving and enjoying physical activity.
I was friends with the PE teacher and he felt strongly that no child feel humiliated and EVERY child have fun/enjoy physical activity.

I volunteered every year and I still think fondly of those days.

One particularly fun game we played was "kick your shoe up the hill."

I got really good at showing them how to do it.

He was responsible for teaching generations of children. He watched some pushy parents yell at their dc and shook his head.

He told me, "i remember when those fathers were my students. They were terrible. Now they expect their dc to be better than they were."

I was a horrible sports person bc I grew up on a farm. Nobody to teach me any games. I still feel embarrassed at my being chosen last and being laughed at by teachers and peers.

"Tough love' is a stupid saying. It didn't build my character, it made me avoid sports until I was an adult and finally understood it was lack of experience, not clumsiness that was my reason for poor performance.

When I volunteered at dc's schools, I knew many mothers who told me, "life isn't fair." When they didn't want to provide food/drink for EVERY child at a class party bc we had an odd number of students and we would need only 1 or 2 from a package of treats (hence need to buy 3 pkgs instead of 2).

I told them all this: "it won't be YOUR child learning that lesson will it???" Then, I often purchased the extra pkg. Bc no. It wouldn't be their dc.

I sincerely doubt anyone suggesting that Sports Day is a wonderful Lesson Day at losing was the butt of jokes or worse, their dc was.

Humiliation is NOT helpful. I tried to teach dc how to play most sports, how to lose graciously, how to laugh at themselves, and to only cry once they made it to the car.

But the best lessons about sports was taught by their dear PE teacher who didn't emphasize winning; but rather he taught the importance of enjoying themselves and being kind to classmates.
OP

That is such a shame, it will probably put him off sport for ever., and possibly school, too. Keep encouraging him to do the things he likes, trying to include some physical things, praise and encourage. I was the chubby slow one at school and hated P.E. By the end of my senior years I was the head girl of my home rooms class, we won sports day that year. I was in every ports team I could be on. I put it all down to the positive parenting I received.

Yes, there are other subject days in some schools which are curriculum days.

My ds was terrible at sport, I used to keep him of school and take him out for the day every single year!!.... He is very clever and is currently embarking on a PHD.... do what you feel is best for your ds taking part is not all it’s cracked to be.

I'm surprised they had a format where there were proper competitive races - ours have always had team events where you can't tell who is doing what and teachers tot up a points tally for each house.

Bloody boring for parents to watch, until the actual running races at the end, but it does protect the kids' feelings.

As a fellow Klutz, I think you should make an appointment to see head and point out the difference in her attitude. Maybe with the governor as well?

I think that sports day is a lesson in adult responsibility and agency. There are things you can't avoid in adult live you have to do, like jobseeking and bereavement for instance. But thing is if there are things you don't want to do that you don't HAVE to do then don't do them.
Like sports day, guess how many times I've played rounders in a big team as an adult? Or had to spend my free time e with people who don't want me around? ZERO

FwIw I was the smallest and slopes in my year and now I can bang out 5 chin ups in a row, run 10k in an hour and swim I open water without a wetsuit for hours. Learn more from YouTube and Physical trainers than PE

It's such a shame your DS is going to be very, very sick on every future school sports day! Poor wee thing.

If it were my child and he'd always had such issues with sports day he'd have been off sick doing something more interesting that day. Having said that, at dc's v small school the camaraderie is ace, and even the ones who aren't very good (ds1 is dyspraxic) are so encouraged by their peers they have a good time. The events are mostly team based though, so it's never about pitting one child against another.

A lot of people, for some reason, think that academic work is great and sport does not matter.

The reality is that fitness will influence your lifespan and enjoyment of life in the same way as being successful academically will. Competitive sport also teaches collaboration and winning and losing gracefully, vital life lessons.

In theory children can do fine ignoring all sport. However, most will also not need to solve a quadratic equation or write a discursive essay in their adult careers.

The idea of school (IMO and that of those who make the national curriculum) is to equip pupils with facts and, most importantly, skills for life.

Sport ( not just exercise) is one of the best givers of resilience and confidence. If it is not fulfilling that goal, it is probably the fault of schools and (even more importantly, parents) of not emotionally equipping children for the inevitable disappointments and how to use them to grow stronger.

If your child was bad at maths or English, would you pull them out? Sport is a practiced event that leads to healthier life style . I see it as a balance. Making people we’ll rounded. Speak to the head and discuss emotional well being in all parts of education not just academics. get your child moving if not already. It is not too late and creates resilience in things that are not easy at first.

I explained to my son that he is good at academics but not sport . OTHers are the opposite but it is all learning. We started doing more activities and it helped. He doesn’t win but sets a goal for himself.

Larrygrylls
You are spot on

Jwpetal

👍🏻👍🏻

Some of the opinions coming through on this thread are truly baffling.
Some implying that children who aren't good at sport are simply not active enough.
Some implying that children who find losing difficult are victims of poor parenting.
I disagree that sports day should be cancelled, but agree that it should be optional. Assuming that children are participating in PE lessons, they are already accessing that part of the curriculum and I don't see how missing out on one day a year is going to have a negative impact on their physical development.
My DS is awaiting assessment for DCD (dyspraxia) and as well as the difficulties he faces with physical tasks, he has difficulties with regulating his emotions. He's a perfectionist and hates losing. He has emotional outbursts which we are working on, but there's no magical fix. His sports day is next week and I am dreading it. We've been talking a lot about how he will feel of he doesn't win and helping him to come up with coping strategies but there's no guarantee that he will lose graciously without a scene. I just hope the parents on the day will be less judgemental than some of you!

My DD has just changed schools due to move. New school is very “serious” about sport yet 1/3 of pupils in her year didn’t go to school on sports day which tells you how much the less sporty kids hate it!

Larrygrills, some people can’t play sport for physiological reason. Your ability to play a team sport depends on what type of nerve endings you have. Forcing people to do something they can’t is bad for self esteem

Forcing people to do something they can not do well is not bad for self esteem at all.

It can be jenny if you have someone like the loopy head in the OP who makes a big issue about it.

I am equally finding some of the opinions on this thread baffling.

‘Forcing people to do something that they can’t is bad for their self esteem’ for instance. Does that apply to Maths, English, doing science practicals? Or uniquely to sport?

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. But we can all set goals and improve at things, too, and, most importantly, can take pride in trying our hardest.

The snowflake parents who allow their children to miss sports day because they are bad at sport are doing the opposite of building happy resilient adults.

Make sure he is away for all future sports days.

I hated sports day. My DS (younger) was very sporty, played hockey at county level, cross country champ and so on. The teachers expected me to be like her and win every thing so when I came last I used to get "why aren't you as good as her...you should try harder" etc,etc. The last sports day I did was when I was 15...I lined up on the track for the 400m ,teacher yelled "go" and whilst everyone took off like a pack of greyhounds I casually wandered to the side of the track and sat down. If the sporty kids want to do it then fair enough but it shouldn't be forced upon those that have no interest in it.

There are some worryingly myopic views on this thread. I like a great many DC have a physical disability which I can manage in my day to day activities and which PE teachers always adapted lessons to accommodate. However Sports Day with All School Participation does not facilitate this approach. It was always thoroughly demoralising as it was so much about maximising the importance of my disability. Entirely counter productive in encouraging a healthy lifestyle.

Doing things you are not good at, but being praised for the effort, is good for self esteem. Only doing things you are good at is a recipe to breed fear of failure.

But the thing is there isn't the public humiliation aspect of maths and English unlike sports day.

Unless there is a plan for everyone to do a compulsory spelling bee or instant calculus as a public sport.

Plus if people are getting injured in maths and English somethings gone horribly wrong.

If there is any ‘public humiliation’ the school is doing it wrong. Yes, the audience can see you are the slowest but, if you actually try (and many don’t) they can celebrate your effort and applaud you.

The reality is that all pupils know the weak ones in every class and public examinations are called that for a reason.

I love seeing some kids who are normally struggling shine at sports day. For the rest, they need to learn that life is not just about them and that, for a few hours, they can celebrate the achievements of the athletes.

What some would do is allow the (frequently smug) academic students smile as they get their 94%s back in tests but absent themselves for the one day a year that some of the 53% ers get to shine....