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AIBU?

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Original poster

Awful School sports day

586 replies

Seniorschoolmum · 28/06/2019 17:50

I’ve just endured my ds’s sports day. My ds loathes sport. He has been stressing about it for weeks. He is the youngest, slowest & smallest in his year. He had to take part in every race and came last in all except one.
This was in front of 300 people.
He was understandably humiliated and very upset, and it showed. The school head walked across to him and told him to stop making a fuss, in front of everyone.
Six weeks ago, his year did SATS. In a class room, not in front of an audience of 300. Those children who weren’t very good were provided with counselling g, two terms of mindfulness sessions and every support.
I wholly agree with that support.

But the head’s behaviour this afternoon was nasty, spiteful, ignorant and unhelpful. I am so angry I can barely speak. I feel like pulling ds out of school for the last 3 weeks of term and wrecking her attendance figures on purpose.

I will calm down in a bit but honestly....

OP posts:
MrsRussell · 29/06/2019 20:05

Our Small Boy is also one of the smallest and youngest in his year (yr 4) and he simply doesn't see the point in the running jumping and standing still. He does the run a mile thing every morning and does the wake and shake dance classes but his sporting interests are more solitary - he likes yoga, long walks, he wants to learn to fence - he doesn't do the team spirit thing either due to certain of his peers who are grade 1 glory-hounds and quite unpleasant about mocking those who aren't so fast/footbally. (Because there's always one.)
He came in second last in the class sprint, because he decided to slow down to keep his dyspraxic mate company as the back marker. Not, I think, what was intended for "house points" but he got a cheer for it.

ElizaPancakes · 29/06/2019 20:12

I really think you need to encourage some resilience if it’s really true he was crying and it will take months to undo the damage.

It’s not even the taking part that counts. It’s that some people are good at some things, some good at others. Some are good all rounders and some are excellent at one or two things.

I appreciate the sentiment that the less able kids got counselling during SATs, but those and general academics like reading and writing are the things that have a profound impact on your life. Not being great at sports doesn’t.

MissEliza · 29/06/2019 20:15

You don't do your SATs in front of an audience but students receive their GCSE and A level grades in front of their peers, parents and teachers. We don't do that in Scotland and I think that must be bloody awful. I remember when ds1 screwed up big time he had to put up with the kids who'd bullied him in year 7 and 8 smirking at him. I'm so proud at how he dealt with that situation. He was able to cope, I believe, because having played a lot of sports he'd learned to cope with failure and defeat. He picked himself up and performed brilliantly at KS5.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 29/06/2019 20:16

My son has sen that includes dcd and for him sports day is a form of hell. Not done one for two years though as last year he had d and v virus and year before it was rained off.

Hanspannerly · 29/06/2019 20:20

In our school all the children are cheered on no matter where they come in the race. In fact, last year one boy who really struggled with the round the field race had all the other kids come back and run the last part with him! I think sports day is a good thing. Children who do less well academically work hard and struggle every day of the year. They know exactly where they are in the class rankings and never reach the top or do the best. Why can’t there be a day when sporty children are celebrated and get to ‘win’ at something. And it’s a life lesson in losing gracefully to everyone else.

Reba0706 · 29/06/2019 20:43

My sons school is quite the opposite in that they have a sports day but it's non-competitive....no actual races with winners just sporty games and activities for fun...completely inclusive...it's quite nice....but then on the converse they do competitive things for spelling and maths - full on whole assembly spelling bees with lines of children stood at the front, times tables under pressure - who can recite theirs the quickest with a winners trophy. My son isn't strong at spelling or times tables and he dreads these activities yet he can sprint...and he's fast....if there were races I'm sure he'd win and it would be an incredible confidence boost for him to see that he's really good at something and get some recognition....but he doesn't get chance for that

twitterbird · 29/06/2019 20:50

Not read the full thread but have to say I think the school bears some responsibility here. Our school each child does 3 races, we have lots of SEN children due to a resource being attached to the school, older kids accompanied the struggling ones and each and every child got a clap and some encouragement. The school put in place measures to make sure no one felt like a loser and I'm proud of them for that.

Lulu49 · 29/06/2019 20:53

Get a grip, both of you! Tell him to stop sulking and get out of the tree. He won’t be the only one who sucks on sports day and you should have told him more or less what the head did! It’s life, you will never be good at everything. Being over protective won’t help your son in life

DameFanny · 29/06/2019 21:01

Slow claps and patronising participation medals for all the posters happily demonstrating how shit their reading and comprehension skills are.

Special headteacher's mention to pinkkyyyy for deciding that OP's child was having a tantrum with no evidence whatsoever. I think that's a 50 yard leap to conclusion there, Well Done!

And lovely to see the strong competition for who can demonstrate the clearest that they haven't even bothered to take in the basic details of child's age. So many of you! Hurrah!

Fuck's sake.

OP - do write to the Governors won't you? Give the Head a taste of public humiliation, only his will be earned.

manicmij · 29/06/2019 21:06

That is awful attitude towards your DS by headteacher. Why are all chikdren expected to take part in every event. There will always be those who are desperate to take part as they know they will be good and those who are just not sport orientated. Think I would have to express my disdain to headteacher. Children should be encouraged to take part not humiliated for not succeeding when they do.

AnnaFiveTowns · 29/06/2019 21:11

Yanbu. Sports day is shit and I say this as the parent of two sporty kids who always won their races. It's just an exercise in humiliation. The only kids who like it are the ones who know they'll win. To be honest, if I were you I'd have let him pull a sickie.

winkywonky · 29/06/2019 21:23

It’s harsh. My son is only 5 and was devastated not to get a sticker as only 1st to 4th got one. I felt like crying along with him. But yes, life sucks. He will not get every job he applys for, every girl (or boy) he tries to date. Shit happens and your son is 10 so he does need to ‘man up’ as you put it. It’s difficult as a parent to watch but if you continue to wrap him in bubble wrap you are not really doing him any favours for adulthood. We can’t be the best at everything, we all need to realise that. We have our talents and our faults. Help guide him through, although it’s shit 😢

Upfeet · 29/06/2019 21:26

I would tell him to wise up. Nobody cares who wins or loses the egg and spin race and acting like 'it will take months to undo the damage' is encouraging him to be a bad loser.

JS06 · 29/06/2019 21:34

Ah OP that’s awful for your lad. I hope time heals the pain!

It’s horrible being under public scrutiny when things aren’t going so well.

If only the Head had handled it better...... I recall years ago when my DS was at primary school his egg came off the spoon, he got in a pickle and looked upset. Sports were his thing as he wasn’t academic so I could sense his being crushed. What happened next was inspired. The oldest teacher in the school joined DS. She had on a tweed skirt, flat shoes and she ran with him to the finish line. Her poor bouncing bosoms got a work out that day! Everyone cheered and it ended well. Let’s hope your lad has a great Summer and can put this behind him.

derxa · 29/06/2019 21:38

I would tell him to wise up. Nobody cares who wins or loses the egg and spin race and acting like 'it will take months to undo the damage' is encouraging him to be a bad loser. Well that must have been one of the seven races.

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 29/06/2019 21:40

Gosh yes, children need to learn how to lose gracefully. We should print out the results of all academic tests in large font and put them on display in schools in order of best to worst and then invite parents to come and look. Or perhaps have an assembly where we invite children to come on stage one by one to read out their own result. Anyone who feels humiliated should be told to learn to lose gracefully, or, perhaps, to get better at academic work - anyone can do that, just takes effort.

Raybay · 29/06/2019 21:47

Every year my daughter has a migraine, visits another school for the purpose of maybe looking for another school to attend or generally feels unwell. It's a real shame lol. She hates sport and independent schools love it. She tries her best in games lessons. Spots day is crap. I think most PE teachers haven't evolved since my school days. Lots of sports teachers seen to think you are a rubbish person just because you can't do well at sport. My daughter is uncorodinated and is rubbish at running even though she has long limbs and she is slender. Life's to short for sports day IMO. Maybe you should be able to get the option to opt out of it. I've paid for a days education and not a day of hell.

SadOtter · 29/06/2019 22:02

DD loses every single race every year, she actually really enjoys sport and is on the netball team, she just sucks at races. If she started making a fuss about losing I'd tell her to stop being ridiculous.

I have never been good at sports and was the youngest in my year, short and just a bit fat with no co-ordination whatsoever, I was never teased for being crap at sports, even though I have seen me run and I do look a right tit, I was however teased a lot for being a cry baby and a bad loser, I wish someone had given me a bit of tough love and told me to stop making a fuss.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/06/2019 22:07

winkywonky
You will find when your ds is 10 and in yr 6 he has a long way to go yet. I don’t agree with the “man up” comments at all.

Teresagreen1 · 29/06/2019 22:10

I'd keep him off and not put him through it. My youngest hated still does! Asked if she could stay off, she's in high school I said yep. She said the other day she might do it now

LouJJersey · 29/06/2019 22:39

I’d calm down and write a very polite email and ask for a meeting. But partly you are really feeling this as we all love our kids and don’t want to see them hurt or upset. I don’t think the head should have made a scene in front of everyone . Worth chatting it over with them.

murakamilove · 29/06/2019 22:42

I’m a headteacher - that is truly awful behaviour. Make a formal complaint. It’s humiliation & just plain nasty!

SnagAndChips · 29/06/2019 23:00

Unfortunately kids do need to learn to be good losers. Lots of things in life they will be bad at.
My eldest is appalling at sports, but I say that she should just do her best, opt out of ones she hates (new idea at the school) but try some. In future years, the person who won the hurdles will not necessarily find that helps them in work life, unlike the one who is great at maths/french/science.
We always giggle about her performance- I know she would love to win something, but she has to accept -graciously- that athletics is not her thing. And if you need to get upset, do it at home, with me!

DameFanny · 29/06/2019 23:19

SadOtter
I was however teased a lot for being a cry baby and a bad loser, I wish someone had given me a bit of tough love and told me to stop making a fuss.

Um. Sounds like your being teased was people telling you not to make a fuss. But it didn't work? Because it was crap advice that didn't help? Like all the 'tough love' advice on this thread?

quizqueen · 29/06/2019 23:30

The Head should have just said, 'Well done for entering and finishing the race'. He needs to be pulled up on what he said. Email him and give him a bollocking and tell him what he said has affected your child's confidence and he should know better and should choose his words more carefully, especially in front of other parents.

Ask why the SATs situation needed special treatment as that wasn't in front of an audience and no other parent will get to know individual marks. Also, tell your son that finishing the race, whatever his position is important, and that older and taller kids are likely to be stronger/faster than him. That's life.