Awful School sports day

[Seniorschoolmum]

I’ve just endured my ds’s sports day. My ds loathes sport. He has been stressing about it for weeks. He is the youngest, slowest & smallest in his year. He had to take part in every race and came last in all except one.
This was in front of 300 people.
He was understandably humiliated and very upset, and it showed. The school head walked across to him and told him to stop making a fuss, in front of everyone.
Six weeks ago, his year did SATS. In a class room, not in front of an audience of 300. Those children who weren’t very good were provided with counselling g, two terms of mindfulness sessions and every support.
I wholly agree with that support.

But the head’s behaviour this afternoon was nasty, spiteful, ignorant and unhelpful. I am so angry I can barely speak. I feel like pulling ds out of school for the last 3 weeks of term and wrecking her attendance figures on purpose.

I will calm down in a bit but honestly....

This is the parent's opportunity to intervene and make sure that her son gets some personal coaching (from herself or someone else) to improve his enjoyment of and performance at sports.

Why? Would you suggest that a child who's tone deaf and has no interest in music gets personal music lessons, to improve their enjoyment of and performance at music? Or painting or drama?

Some people have no aptitude for or interest in anything sporty. You can't "improve" on something that doesn't exist.

I think it would be better off all round if people weren't forced to do non-academic shite that they hate and are crap at, just because the school says so. And I think it would be better if schools focussed more on turning out humans who are literate, numerate and compassionate rather than competitive.

(Caveat: I may be slightly biassed because of my vile nephew, who has an outstanding talent for a sport that led to talk of him having a career as a professional when he was only 8. At 11, he has had to give up the sport because his tantrums when any decision went against him, or when he lost, were so appalling he has been banned from regional competitions. If that's where "improving performance and enjoyment" get you, count me out. It's just turned him into one hell of a bad loser.)

@Fluffypyjamas I think calling posters stupid is a little short sighted. Building resilience in kids is a huge part of a parents job. What will she do when he stresses for weeks over a work presentation? Will she call his boss and tell him he's too stressed to do it - or will she tell him to think back on all those times he had to do stuff he didn't want to and got through it just fine.

There are some certainties in our world and you cant change them, competition and uncomfortable situations being a sure thing, so we need to help them adapt to it. And Kindly. She should absolutely tell him to do sports day again but I would be seeking some professional help to build that resilience.

larrygrylls what about the academic kid who is also great at sport or the non academic kid who isn't good at sport?

The non sporty kids feel stupid when it is PE or games, when the team is picked for football/netball/cricket or whatever. They are sometimes made to feel stupid at playtime when they don't get included as they aren't any good.

Two of my kids were sporty, great they played in all the team, why did the non sporty one have to be humiliated? Why couldn't they just drop out. The funny thing was she was a great dancer, did lessons several times a week and was probably fitter than alot of the sporty ones but she couldn't catch, kick or throw a ball to save her life. Funnily enough no one ever insisted her brothers had to appear in any of the dance competitions she did. Surely it would have been good for them to have everyone cheering and encouraging them when they danced like to little elephants and got the lowest marks in the competition?

My DS is terrible at sports and loathed sports day but learnt to cope by refusing to try. He would deliberately walk on running races. He hid his humiliation by pretending not to care. Sports at school are so devisive. If you aren’t great at English not everyone in the whole school knows.

Mental health is a massive thing in schools now and children should be supported in what ever area of school life they find difficult.

Surely sports day should be about everyone having a go, no pressure, no acres of parents watching every race. DD's school was much more this type of sports day. The actual competitive stuff was done by the kids who were into it in multi-school events attended by the interested. And the parents/carers of the interested.

I think your ds will be ok. It'll build some level of resilience.

I was that hopeless kid who was the smallest slowest person on sports days. It got to the point where some friend hung back to jog it out with me and we would have a great time. Lol but honestly he'll be fine

Would it be more useful if instead of sport day it was more literal in that children had a selection of physical activities that were either team or individual and have small group coaching without spectators. A few days in the summer term where they can do activities that are not usually part of the curriculum like orienteering, paddle boarding, endurance running etc. Less pointless competition and public humiliation and more physicality, all that children can participate and exercise.

And as it happens I don't think my oldest will be doing sports day again.

My dd is the same and yet they also made her take part in quad kids which is an athletics competition against all the other schools in the borough, she too is small and asthmatic so only got a third of the way round the cross country circuit, was very upset after but mostly humiliated.... but she has to get over it or she’ll never cope in senior school.... her school doesn’t offer any counselling for those who struggled with sats though either

Why did you cut the important part of that quote....

Because the ridiculous notion that PE teachers aren’t humiliating children is laughable and doesn’t detract from the fact PE is the only part of the curriculum where those shit at it are expected to perform in front of a whole bunch of people so people can see how shit they are.

I was the one terrible at sports. I'm short (5ft now) and chubby. Even now I'm thinking about joining the local gym to lose weight but in my head it's pointless because if I do classes I won't be able to keep up and if I go alone I'll be there ten minutes and be done in.

I had one teacher who was great and loved me because I tried. I sprained my knee during basketball, knocked myself out during volley ball and hurt my neck trampolining.

JohnMcCain that sounds brilliant.

I have played a sport for about 30 years. I have got much better at it over those years. Good for the OPs son to know, by the time he's 40 he could be good enough.

I actually cannot believe the responses on this thread.

Reading levels, being asked questions in class, spelling tests, SATs, awards for academic achievement...

Academic achievements are celebrated every day in school and the children are constantly compared (to each other, to age-related expectations). It's almost like a competion where the children come in various places (imagine!).

But God forbid sporting achievements should be acknowledged (never mind encouraged) and children be compared and placed.

With attitudes like the ones on this thread (take them out of school for the day, get them a counsellor, speak to the head IMMEDIATELY) we're going to end up with another generation of snowflakes even worse than their parents.

Bring back winners (and losers) for sports for crying out loud!!

One of mine hated sports day - I just kept him off school. I did get pulled in a couple of times about it, my view was when you have a problem with his academic work let me know. Otherwise don't expect me to have much interest. He actually enjoys exercise - walking as a family for several miles, swimming, a kick about with a ball - just not races in front of everyone.

My DD was really bad at every athletics event in her sports day. I know every child is different but she just accepted it isn’t her thing and I encouraged her to cheer for all the sporty kids so that they feel good. She gets plenty of praise for other things she is good at at school. I really think you should try to work with your DS to get him to see things a bit differently. It is admirable to be happy for others successes and I am sure it can be learnt if it doesn’t come naturally to him.

@thedevondumpling No need to be sarky, I was responding to the poster who said if you are bad at sport, practice makes no difference. My lack of coordination is at the extreme end, and yes practice does make a difference.

Sorry haven’t read the whole thread.

My daughter came last in every event she took part in throughout primary. She has a condition that effects her legs but was still made to take part in something each year. She never got upset, she had no expectations as she knew she wouldn’t win. One year she chose the longest running race and was a lap behind everyone else, the whole school cheered her on as she ran the last lap alone, she sees it as an achievement, she knew she would be last, she could have stopped running but she wanted to finish.

Sports day is awful, I shed many tears watching both my dd’s Who both have sn’s but not everything in life is easy, we can’t all be good at everything. My dd may have been last at every race but she’s now in the top 5% in the country for English and is predicted level 9’s in GCSE, loosing sports day will not effect her future other than teaching her not to give up because something is hard.

Drag as PP have tried to explain the difference with sports days is the public nature of it. Literally the whole school and their families watching you. Last time I checked SATS are not sat in a public arena with everyone watching you. The two are not comparable.

Not doing music or pottery or other activities posters have listed alongside sport don’t tangibly contribute to one’s health.

There is a very real and important health benefit to sport. Hence it’s not something that I think a parent can just shrug their shoulders about say - oh well, it just wasn’t to be. As they could do with, say cello lessons

Some kids are only good at sport and deserve their one day each year to shine. It is not fair to take their one day away form them. What is far worse are the non-competitive sports days where no one is allowed to win or lose. I was useless at sport and often came last and it did not bother me because I was good at other things. There must be something your child is good at and if not he has just not found it yet.

@Lovemusic33 you and your dd both sound lovely. Good luck to her.

"Last time I checked SATS are not sat in a public arena with everyone watching you. The two are not comparable."

No, but the kids are all aware of how they and their classmates perform academically in class (and often the parents do too). Academic awards are also given in front of the same audience as sports day. Generally at sports day all children are cheered on (often the children coming last more so than the others). Rarely do you witness the same level of encouragement for those who don't perform as well academically.

My DCs have yet to receive a medal and cheer for participtaion in a spelling test.

DS always comes last at Sports Day- so far anyway! (just finishing year 2).
If he was upset by it I would keep him off but he’s been ok so far. His house have a couple of fast runners so they do ok st
School do make a big thing of winning at sports day including medals which I feel is a bit inappropriate for primary- I think I it should be about taking part and having a go rather than winning.
They only do one fun race and again I think at that age (at our school it is divided infant/ junior am/pm) there should be mostly fun races- sack, egg and spoon etc.
I haven’t ever said anything and won’t do unless DS is upset by it. If he were upset I would just grant him an extra day holiday a year and write him a very vague email excusing him from attending.
for you and your DS

*fast runners so they do at at relay.