Awful School sports day

[Seniorschoolmum]

I’ve just endured my ds’s sports day. My ds loathes sport. He has been stressing about it for weeks. He is the youngest, slowest & smallest in his year. He had to take part in every race and came last in all except one.
This was in front of 300 people.
He was understandably humiliated and very upset, and it showed. The school head walked across to him and told him to stop making a fuss, in front of everyone.
Six weeks ago, his year did SATS. In a class room, not in front of an audience of 300. Those children who weren’t very good were provided with counselling g, two terms of mindfulness sessions and every support.
I wholly agree with that support.

But the head’s behaviour this afternoon was nasty, spiteful, ignorant and unhelpful. I am so angry I can barely speak. I feel like pulling ds out of school for the last 3 weeks of term and wrecking her attendance figures on purpose.

I will calm down in a bit but honestly....

Practice won't help someone poor at sports become a world class sports person, but yes they can improve. I have very poor coordination. Years ago I went to an aerobics class and it took me 6 months to be able to do the warm up accurately. I have played a sport for about 30 years. I have got much better at it over those years. Not great, but good enough that I am an average player at the club I go to. So yes you can get better with practice.

Bollocked by the teacher who couldn't believe that I genuinely could not throw, catch or run so therefore wasn't trying.

They don't get it, do they?

Thankfully, athletics wasn't done at my school, but we made up for it with ball games: winter was just hockey and netball, but summer was tennis, rounders and cricket (I never even knew that girls played cricket until I went to secondary school).

I was humiliated by one games teacher (ex-England netball team) for my lack of prowess in running and catching, and by another (ex-England women's cricket team) for my total inability to hit a ball. I was accused of deliberately performing badly in hockey.

They seemed incapable of grasping that I have all the hand-eye co-ordination of a dyspraxic mole and am generally a complete klutz.

Then, in the space of 3 months, I caught my ankle on a bar in the gym and fell with my ankle trapped, spraining it and landing on my head; grabbed a hockey stick out of a basket in the pavilion, not realising someone was leaning over my shoulder, and smacked her in the eye with it (I was mortified, it cut her just below the eye, bled shedloads and she had to have, iirc, 12 stiches); and was daydreaming during rounders when I heard someone shout my name and turned just in time for the rounders ball to hit me square between the eyes - I was knocked out briefly and had a dreadful nose bleed, plus 2 black eyes.

It was after that they stopped making me do games. I think they were scared there'd be litigation if they let me carry on!

DD was hypermobile and dyspraxia and also young for year. She was always offered the option of not taking part, and one girl did not do the racing.

But DD did, and school - for every race - had two athletic yr 6s in the middle of the track, and they would run with anyone who fell behind. She would be a whole lap behind the rest of her class, but carried on because they were with her - and she was cheered by all the parents.

Sports day doesn't just have to be about winning, there are ways of being competitive, but also rewarding effort.

And telling a child off is not public humiliation.

It is if they are being told off for not running fast enough.

But PE is a part of the curriculum

The only part where you are lined up with others to compete against those who are brilliant at it, in front of the whole school and their parents.

The only part where you are lined up with others to compete against those who are brilliant at it, in front of the whole school and their parents

Why did you cut the important part of that quote....?

Interesting.

@Yabbers except the child was not being told off for not running fast enough, but for having a tantrum.

How awful. I hated sports day in primary school. It was always so competitive and I was always bloody last!! I avoided it the whole 5 years of secondary and somehow got away with not taking part the whole time and watch from the sidelines 🤣

Their were students who were fantastic at sports and they were always ‘awarded’ which is great but I feel that children who struggle need that too. The pe teachers seem to only like those good at sports. I was terrible.

My own son isn’t keen on sports day and the last 2 years he’s refused to take part (he had asd). This year he did take part, he did come last but all the other children and staff were so encouraging and he gained a certificate in assembly for just taking part.

Sports day at my sons school is a lot different to mine though. They do a. Round robin thing in their house groups encouraging each other. Then they do a few longer races. Winners get stickers and recognised but I feel like all children are included too not just the good ones.

If improvement results in you getting a grade 2, rather than a 1 at GCSE level, it's still not good enough, even though it's an improvement.

Why not? I mean, grade 2 exists b/c it's not grade 1. Grade 2 is a better result. Not good enough to get on a college course, but good enough to get some satisfaction from.

I found out about the Tuneless Choirs today. Probably none in my area, but I'm seriously tempted. My singing has improved a lot from being completely off key awful always to sometimes sounding ok. I'm very very proud of that improvement.

I was openly mocked and sniggered at by peers in primary about my awful singing (teachers regularly forced us to sing however bad). Adults would just beg me to STFU until university & then they gave me pure looks of horror. The open mockery just made me try harder, so much scope for proving them wrong.

lljkk I run a tuneless choir.

I wouldn't make any of my members sing a solo in front of an audience though!

(You should join one: they're fabulous).

Sorry but that is absolute rubbish having to go in every race. In our Primary it was 2 races, or more if they liked. Being last in one race would be enough for me, two I could stand, but a whole handful would be an utter nightmare. I would probably keep him at home next year, give him a rest because that sounded pretty nasty. So what, it's not for everyone.

Mine are at secondary school now. Made the decision a couple of years ago that they would no longer take part in sports day. I keep them off that day.

This followed a hot day on a field with no shade where they burned horribly even with sun cream on.

They have otherwise 100% attendance so I don’t really care.

I feel your anger I really do . My son stresses over this every year and I contemplate what should I do. This year I took the day of from work and called in sick for him and we had the best day together ! I told the teacher exactly why I didn’t make him attend so far no report back but I’m just not having it. And no I’m not a snowflake parent either. He hates it so why make him do it

A good school will include a variety of events on sports day that all children can take part in and enjoy, not just those aimed at the sporty competitive children.

I would be tempted to send a letter to the Head and governors pointing out that their sports day isn't particularly inclusive because it doesn't take into account those children who are smaller and younger than their peers.

And next sports day keep him away from school ...

You don't say whether he's in year 2 or year 6. If he's sulking in a tree at the age of 11, I think you've got bigger problems coming along than Sports Day. Tbh I wouldn't have tolerated that at 7 either. When you say "he was a bit upset and understandably it showed", do you mean he had a tantrum in front of the whole school as he didn't win? By year 6, I'd not expect that, unless there is some undiagnosed SEN. He will likely pick up on your attitude too and make that another reason not to try.

I realise this sounds harsh, but if there's no SEN in the picture he does sound like he needs a bit of resilience and tough love here.

" realise this sounds harsh, but if there's no SEN in the picture he does sound like he needs a bit of resilience and tough love here."

How about 'Special Sport Needs' 😀

Perhaps you shld send teachers a sarcastic letter explaining esprit de corps.It must have been absolutely rotten for your poor boy.

Thats ridicolous from the heads point of view, our school make a fuss of every child who does a race, been last isnt a big issue, we had one little girl last year who was last in everything as soon as someone made it to the end she would slow up and just meander to the end waving at the crowd, she was presented a medal at the end for "Best Crowd Pleaser" all the kids get medals or sweets for taking part.
They even had a wheelchair race due to one boy, they borrowed a couple of old wheelchairs and did a team thing where two team member had to take turn in pushing the chair to the end n switch over, first team to do so many lengths was the winner, this enabled the kid in the wheelchair to take part and not feel like he stood out. Sports days should be fun. We have welly throwing, fancy dress races, wheelchair races, tug of war even backward walking and other stuff for those who arent really sports orientated. Kids shouldnt be put down just because they are unhappy, try making them happy. Head teacher sounds appaling to be honest. I'd complain about how your DS was treat and ask them to make sports day more entertaining for the children and support the ones less sporty to find something they can excel at.

I've finally learned that we don't have to participate in sports day if we don't want to. My DC have been sick with a bug and one of them has a sore foot. They both hate SD and at my school cheaters are rife on this day with no consequences. I would have had to sit there all day in the heat to see my DS run in one race and not the other 2 events as he didn't qualify.

I don't need to counsel my son as he has other talents and is more than happy for sporty boys to have their day. However, we didn't feel the need to go and support them so we all stayed home and chilled out. Wish I had done it years ago. I find a quick email saying your kid has an upset tummy does the trick with no questions asked

I don't think you are being unreasonable if the headmaster didn't handle it well and in public.

I do think you are being dramatic about him losing and the effect it has on him. I have a super sporty kid - always comes first and used to have a fit if he didn't. (same for all games etc) That to me is a sore loser and I recognised he couldnt go through life getting that wound up. The 'its the taking part that matters talk' never worked with him so we did some work with a great child psychologist where she made him lose at games week after week until he could control that emotion and be less hard on himself. Now he's the first to congratulate his winning opponent and be genuinely happy for his friends.

I also have a kid that always comes last and Ive never seen any kid or adult judging him for that - nor does he judge himself - he just shrugs and says that was fun. My heart always breaks a little for him despite this so I do know how you feel.

Life is a competition, for jobs, for partners and the list goes on. You need to help him deal with that and frankly sports days are the perfect lesson.

Leant sound like a nice headmistress, tell him he was excellent, he actually finished the race, that dippy dongle might not have been able to do it, but he did. I hated sports, always last, yet joined running club when older, again always last home, but was always supported. Tell your DS he's amazing, with his swimming & cycling.

I work in a school and have 2 kids. Both are dyspeptic so sport is not their thing. My oldest always comes last and hates it as is in top sets for everything, fantastic at art and music but just can’t win in sport. Drives them nuts but every year we have the chat about just trying your best.
No 2 the same but much more of a trier as everything didn’t come so easy as it did for no1. This year they came 2nd in the obstacle race.
We’re lucky our school puts on silly races for the less sporty and everyone cheers the ones coming last or struggling, the kid that falls but picks themselves up get an almighty cheer when they cross the line. Kids go back to finish the race with their friend that struggles at the back so they aren’t on their own. It’s a joyful and encouraging atmosphere.
But it’s also a really important day for the not so academic kids, it’s their day to be the best at something. In every year i’ve Worked in i’ve had a kid that really struggles academically but excels in sport or the art subjects. Primary is now so focused on Maths and English the non academic kids Don get to shine as bright in the music and art classes as they are being cut.
If we stop Sports day they won’t get their time to shine. Yes it’s hard when you aren’t athletic, I never was, always cane in the last 3 but I rocked a sack race.
OP I think your head dealt with this very badly and they clearly need to make positive changes to support those that are clearly struggling. Use this as a chance to build resilience in your son. He sounds an awful lot like my oldest child. It’s taken a lot of work but they are now ok with sports day. It’ll never be their favourite day but they have made peace with the fact that we all sometimes have to take part in things we’d rather not.

Dyspraxic not dyspeptic no idea what that even is.

This post is upsetting for so many reasons. I stopped reading it after 100 posts as I was so astounded by the stupidity of some of the posters. Please OP do not put your child through this again! For all those posters saying that 'he needs to learn how to lose gracefully' or 'its they taking part rather than the winning' please get a grip. It is quite clear from what the OP has posted that her child has had weeks of distress in the run up to this event. In what world would it be seen as a good learning environment to feel humiliated and belittled? I despair sometimes at the crap people come out with.

Someone has to be first and someone has to be last in nearly every everything in life but it doesn't mean that people should be made to feel bad about it (especially by people who are supposed to be supportive - the head is a prat, well done for not telling him so publically!). I have this to come, I was that child in sports and to be fair my 4yr old son runs just like his mother 🤣
Everyone is good at something. Sports isn't his thing, never mind. It's not important in the great scheme of things. Support and encourage him to understand that he has fantastic strengths too, strengths that the fastest runner may not have. It's all so I us and roundabouts, try not to great the small stuff and good luck

Sports day is often a real chance to shine for less academic kids who feel stupid most other days.

You have to learn to lose and win and sports day is great for that.