Awful School sports day

[Seniorschoolmum]

I’ve just endured my ds’s sports day. My ds loathes sport. He has been stressing about it for weeks. He is the youngest, slowest & smallest in his year. He had to take part in every race and came last in all except one.
This was in front of 300 people.
He was understandably humiliated and very upset, and it showed. The school head walked across to him and told him to stop making a fuss, in front of everyone.
Six weeks ago, his year did SATS. In a class room, not in front of an audience of 300. Those children who weren’t very good were provided with counselling g, two terms of mindfulness sessions and every support.
I wholly agree with that support.

But the head’s behaviour this afternoon was nasty, spiteful, ignorant and unhelpful. I am so angry I can barely speak. I feel like pulling ds out of school for the last 3 weeks of term and wrecking her attendance figures on purpose.

I will calm down in a bit but honestly....

"Perhaps it is an opportunity for him to learn how to be better."

By being humiliated? Only a PE teacher would say something like this. Is it OK to humiliate someone who struggles with maths or is dyslexic?

OP only said he was in tears, not tantrumming

Multiple people have asked the OP to elaborate on how he was behaving and she won't. This can only mean that he was throwing a tantrum and that the head's comment was warranted.

imho, bad form to assume things that posters didn't say.

If he were tantrumming, I wonder why only happened in yr6, not in R-yr5. Or if he tantrummed each of those yrs & HT handled it differently so this was the first man-to-man type talk. Or if he's much more upset this yr for other reasons. Lot of changes looming for yr6s that some of them struggle with.

Sports day in our secondary is so competitive (betw. houses) that the kids only let their most able peers compete; would take days & days for everyone to have a go, anyway, so most are just warpainted & cheerleaders (no parents invited). Come to think of it, yr10 DS was in sports day this yr & ran his mile on non-sports day; they couldn't fit it in to the proper sports day schedule.

I had the multi-yrs tantrumming child in primary. HT did not get involved. Our HT is pretty hands off, though. We probably had a mere 250 witnesses by the time you count 75 kids + parents + staff + preschoolers. Our sports day is so busy there isn't much time to pander to any upset losers. Embarrassing but not worth a MN thread.

It's funny how another thread someone is talking about their 8yo lacking resilience b/c she finds most things too easy, and how to nurture resilience... I almost posted "Find her some failure."

Sport just isn't everybody's thing and not everyone will be good or even be able to improve

I’m yet to meet a child who can’t progress/improve. But you have to find the right way of achieving that. It’s all about man management!

"Perhaps it is an opportunity for him to learn how to be better."

By being humiliated? Only a PE teacher would say something like this.

This is the parent's opportunity to intervene and make sure that her son gets some personal coaching (from herself or someone else) to improve his enjoyment of and performance at sports.

My point is that improving one's sports performance is not taught in schools in my experience, it's very much the case if you're good, you're good and if you're not, you're hopeless.

I'm not a PE teacher.

When I was at school I really can not imagine that an NT child past 5 would have had a public tantrum at school. At home sure. But at school kids knew this was unacceptable.
And to those saying the DS was only crying, if he was crying quietly the Head simply would not have seen that. And the follow up detail that he was up a tree when with OP and refusing to come down, supports a tantrum earlier.
Kids cry, but by 10 they should have grown out of public tantrums.

Oh God, Fibbke is now on the thread telling everyone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and "learn to run properly."

Oh, and for the love of God people, could you please cut out the SPECIAL LOUD CHEERS for those who come last?

When adults do it, it's so patronizing as to be utterly soul crushing. You may as well say out loud to someone "You are a charity case."

When the kids do it, it's basically a form of mockery which they are allowed to get away with because the adults (bless them) believe naively that the kids are trying to be "nice."

I also don't think their job is to make kids love exercise for life either, although they can help.

Well, what IS their role, then?

Oh now, I don’t accept people cheer in a patronising way, I wouldn’t let my children tell themselves stories like that, it’s an integral part of sportsmanship to cheer the underdog, cheer the effort and not the outcome is a key learning message.

I hate sports-days but it’s not fair to say people being kind are patronising and secretly mocking.

I’m yet to meet a child who can’t progress/improve. But you have to find the right way of achieving that.

A child can improve and still come last.

Some kids just aren't good at sports...and that's ok...because there will be things that they are good at.

If improvement results in you getting a grade 2, rather than a 1 at GCSE level, it's still not good enough, even though it's an improvement.

We have to accept that talents lie in different areas. That's what makes us the individuals we are.

We have to accept that talents lie in different areas

But PE is a part of the curriculum however able you are and IMO it’s the role of the provider to ensure that lessons are useful, enjoyable and don’t result in humiliating kids!

Of course it's kind (when it comes from the adults, at least), but that doesn't stop it being incredibly patronizing. The extra-loud cheering is happening precisely because the person is being perceived as crap. And they know it.

My son is in the bottom ‘set’ for everything. He endures this in a day to day basis, struggling through every lesson knowing people around him are so much better at the lessons.

However he excels at sport. Sports day is once a year, lessons are every day for 6 hours. 5 days a week.

However he still manages to go in and try his best without coming home everyday in tears, or indeed have a tantrum about it all.

Of course it's kind (when it comes from the adults, at least), but that doesn't stop it being incredibly patronizing. The extra-loud cheering is happening precisely because the person is being perceived as crap. And they know it

Are you a parent? Because that is a dreadful way of looking at that situation. People are cheering and applauding because they respect the child for carrying on, doing their best and getting over the line no matter what.

Isn’t that the sort of spirit we want for all our children? Life’s is a journey, not a sprint to a final destination. Training for a marathon is more important than your finish time. Giving it your all is far more important than simply being a naturally fast runner.

It’s a shame you don’t see it that way. I hope you never let this warped perception pass onto your child because it is a damaging one.

Nobody is “crap” at running. Some are simply faster than others. The slower ones are putting in just as much effort and deserve my applause. The only reason I might clap harder is because I really want the child to know they are respected for what they have achieved, despite being slower than others.

I’ve only read the first few posts so far but I really hate this attitude of needing to learn to lose - that’s fine, but why should it have to be in something you are forced to do that is In front of all others kids and their parents?? What other situation other than sports day resembles that ‘lesson’? I was another person forced to endure and be crap at it and it put me off exercising in public for many, many years. If someone is poor academically they will not be forced to do demonstrate that publicly and have their result shared with everyone! Sports day is a great opportunity to celebrate children whose talents are sport based, but it shouldn’t be at the expense of other children who aren’t.

The comment about people clapping those not in first place is so off the mark to be laughable. I went to watch the London Marathon this year, and the amount of people cheering runners on at the rear was heartwarming. My DD ran in it, for the first time ever, and said afterwards that it was only because of the applause and encouragement of the spectators that she kept on running and completed it. I have started to do park runs, and am so not a runner. The first time I completed it through running all the way was purely because those cheering me on gave me the strength to not give up. Cheering the children on is integral to their wellbeing.

Keep him off sports day in future, and ask the head why his issues in PE had n’t been noticed and what help she is planning to give him. I’d also asked have the pe lessons been evaluated and assessed

I'm amazed at people saying clapping ore for those in last place is patronsing. I think they show great resilience and determination. Bloody good on them!

At secondary, it's often tricky to recruit enough children to fill up the sheet of activities although my current school was no problem (all boys). We did offer a massive variety of activities, including static rowing, sailing, swimming, rock climbing, badminton, karate, even boules! So the boys could choose something which doesn't mean they have to be super fast/the best at running. Maybe other schools should try to offer activities that don't involve being a great runner and therefore be more inclusive.

We did offer a massive variety of activities, including static rowing, sailing, swimming, rock climbing, badminton, karate, even boules! So the boys could choose something which doesn't mean they have to be super fast/the best at running. Maybe other schools should try to offer activities that don't involve being a great runner and therefore be more inclusive

Far too expensive!

Oh God, Fibbke is now on the thread telling everyone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and "learn to run properly."

Not you Kokeshi, you are a lost cause.

But PE is a part of the curriculum however able you are and IMO it’s the role of the provider to ensure that lessons are useful, enjoyable and don’t result in humiliating kids!

Where did I mention anything about humiliating the kids?

As a child I hated maths...it was never interesting, just stressful... I doubt the school could have made it interesting and enjoyable for me.

Some subjects just aren't interesting for everyone, but they still have to participate if it's on the curriculum.

Regular PE lessons don't need to be competitive, which is what brings about feeling humiliated if you lose all the time.

What I disagree with, is having to participate in 7 events. There's really no need for that.

As a sidenote, another occasion that parents do see kids not performing so well asides from sportsday is in school plays.

My post was in response to a pp saying kids should practice sports to get better.... my point was that all the practice in the world won't help those who are simply not good at sports and we have to accept that.

Some people are just not academic and all the practice or tuition available, will not help.

Brigante

That's great that your school offered such a great selection of activities. Was it a private school or selective school by any chance? I suspect most kids go to schools where most kids can't access things like sailing, rock climbing and boules.

my point was that all the practice in the world won't help those who are simply not good at sports and we have to accept that

Yes and I responded to that saying I believed you were incorrect.