Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Awful School sports day

586 replies

Seniorschoolmum · 28/06/2019 17:50

I’ve just endured my ds’s sports day. My ds loathes sport. He has been stressing about it for weeks. He is the youngest, slowest & smallest in his year. He had to take part in every race and came last in all except one.
This was in front of 300 people.
He was understandably humiliated and very upset, and it showed. The school head walked across to him and told him to stop making a fuss, in front of everyone.
Six weeks ago, his year did SATS. In a class room, not in front of an audience of 300. Those children who weren’t very good were provided with counselling g, two terms of mindfulness sessions and every support.
I wholly agree with that support.

But the head’s behaviour this afternoon was nasty, spiteful, ignorant and unhelpful. I am so angry I can barely speak. I feel like pulling ds out of school for the last 3 weeks of term and wrecking her attendance figures on purpose.

I will calm down in a bit but honestly....

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 29/06/2019 08:26

it must be bloody hard

And there are plenty of things you can do before they start needing to muck about because they’re bored.

IME a number of PE teachers are far to rigid to be suited to that particular aspect of teaching.

SecondTimeCharm · 29/06/2019 08:29

I can still remember the white hot embarrassment and humiliation i felt aged 11 when i also came last in every single event i was forced to participate in (smallest and youngest of year here too). and you best believe i’m a good loser too! but kids are cruel as we know.

my mother never made me attend another sports day after that. she knew i was already enduring p.e. twice a week

Fibbke · 29/06/2019 08:30

Yes i agree that there are lots of things they can do. Have you ever taught in a school? There's a very strict curriculum you need to get through. I coach outside school and its easy peasy by comparison as the kids who come to me want to do it!

Friends of mine who teach PE say the biggest issue is the parents.

JacquesHammer · 29/06/2019 08:31

Have you ever taught in a school? There's a very strict curriculum you need to get through. I coach outside school and its easy peasy by comparison as the kids who come to me want to do it!

Yes. I go into to schools to deliver sport.

Fibbke · 29/06/2019 08:33

But you aren't bound to the curriculum. The PE curriculum is a bit soul destroying at secondary.

JacquesHammer · 29/06/2019 08:34

But you aren't bound to the curriculum

Yes I am. I’m a specialist and visit schools on a rotational basis (voluntarily!) to deliver aspects of the curriculum.

Soontobe60 · 29/06/2019 08:37

OP, if you were so worried about your child taking part, why did you not go into school beforehand and ensure he did not have to do so? You say he was making a fuss, what exactly was he doing? Did he make a fuss after each race or just at the end? I'm surprised that in such a big school all children have to do all races. It must take a week to get through everyone! In my school each child gets to pick 2 races they want to do, and that, for 120 children, still takes all afternoon.
Also, why is he sitting in a tree? Because he didn't win or because the Head told him off? I'm also surprised you were able to hear what the Head said as we keep the parents and children on opposite sides of the field, so a parent might see their child is being told off, but would have no chance of hearing the exact words.
I suspect you're slightly exaggerating events, your son lacks resilience, and now you're compounding that by possibly keeping him off school, at a time when he should be doing all the end of term things for Year 6.
Tell him to get down from the tree, talk to him about how to manage his feelings if he comes last in anything, and do not try to make him feel better about his unacceptable behaviour at sports day. You will do him absolutely no favours if you don't. He's got several years of secondary school where resilience will be very important for him.

Fibbke · 29/06/2019 08:40

Ah i see. Lucky schools to have you!

Nodancingshoes · 29/06/2019 08:42

I've got one child who wins everything and is good at most sports and one child who is very uncoordinated and doesn't do well at any sports really... He doesn't seem to mind sports day but our school doesn't make winning a big deal - there is only one actual running race and the rest are field events. What kind of fuss was he making? If it was just general sadness then the head teacher was being unreasonable but if it was a full on meltdown, maybe not

Soontobe60 · 29/06/2019 08:43

@contentedsould
I think if that we're my child, come Monday morning I'd be storming into the heads office and making it VERY clear if he ever repeated that ever again I'd knock his fucking block off.

You sound delightful! And such a good role model for your children. Us teachers just LOVE parents like you! You don't sound T all like your user name. 🤣

MilesJuppIsMyBitch · 29/06/2019 08:44

But how does publically humiliating a child having a melt-down actually improve the situation?

Genuine question.

jennymanara · 29/06/2019 08:44

The OP's son must have had a massive over reaction for the Head to intervene. It can hardly be the blinking back tears scenario that some have imagined, as the Head simply would not have seen this. So I suspect a tantrum that is inappropriate and the Head was right to intervene. And I would have told him to get down from the tree immediately.

jennymanara · 29/06/2019 08:46

A melt down is a term to justify an over reaction. What would you do? Indulge a tantrum?
At this age he should be able to control his reactions in public far more than this.

jennymanara · 29/06/2019 08:47

And telling a child off is not public humiliation.

Thurmanmurman · 29/06/2019 08:50

It was DD (year 3) sports day last week and it’s the first year where it’s been competitive, with winners from each race being in the final, boys and girls in separate races etc. I can honestly say that the kids were amazingly supportive of each other. One boy has additional needs and got beaten by a mile in the 100 meters but every kid on the field was cheering him on, no hint of mocking, just supporting him to finish the race. Those saying sports day should be banned are ridiculous. For some sport may be the only thing they’re good at, like the little girl in DDs class who struggles with reading and writing but can run like the wind. Should she be denied her chance to show she’s good at something just because others can’t bear losing?

topcat2014 · 29/06/2019 08:59

At my boys grammar school in the 80s, if you were shite, the teacher used to ask "are you sure you are at the right school" - implying should be at the girls school.

I got hit on the head by a hockey ball or something, thrown by the teacher, because my reactions weren't quick enough.

Put me of sport for a while decades but run half marathons now.

Much prefer how DDs sports days are run, in class groups, with a whole year relay at the end.

lljkk · 29/06/2019 08:59

I never thought to try to count how many people attend sports day. Confused

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 29/06/2019 09:01

I'm surprised parents attend secondary school sports day, they never did in my day.

CorBlimeyGovenor · 29/06/2019 09:06

I don't think that it's helpful to judge the OPs DS based upon examples of other children coming last and being fine. All children are different. He was clearly not fine and felt embarrassed and humiliated. To 'tell him off'/have words with him over his reaction was unkind. He was clearly upset. What good did the head's approach do, other than make an already upset child feel even worse!

MilesJuppIsMyBitch · 29/06/2019 09:08

What would I do?

If I were the Head?

Hard to say, but going by what the OP has written, which is all we have to go on, probably asked a member of staff to take him somewhere quiet to calm down.

Not walked up to him to tell him to 'stop making a fuss' in front of his peers and their parents.

There are Heads who are primarily child-focussed, and there are Heads who are primarily school-image focussed. I wonder what motivated the Head in the OP's story?

MidniteScribbler · 29/06/2019 09:31

I think your language is very telling OP. "I've just endured my ds's sports day". I think that you are embarrassed about your son and you are deflecting attention to the head as the cause of your anger. Putting on a fuss, sitting a tree, months to get over it? Good grief. It's one thing to be disappointed about not winning, but if your son was carrying on like a pork chop about losing within your hearing, why did the head even have to deal with it? It must have been quite a public strop for the principal to have to come over, and you obviously weren't doing anything to tell him to stop overreacting.

jennymanara · 29/06/2019 09:34

@CorBlimeyGovenor I don't think there is anything wrong with OPs son being upset and feeling humiliated. I do think there is something wrong with him having a tantrum.

Jaffacakebeast · 29/06/2019 09:41

I feel your pain, my ds also the smallest, slowest and asthmatic. Strangely he loved PE at primary school, but not sports day. He actually said he’d fake an asthma attack so he didn’t have to take part in year 6. I agree they wouldn’t put kids on a stage for a spelling competition or maths quiz if they weren’t good, itd be humiliating, so why should every child be expected to take part in a sports competition (with an audience) my ds along with a few others ended up doing the scores and microphones and handing out medals at his last sports day

lljkk · 29/06/2019 09:42

OP only said he was in tears, not tantrumming.

If you're always dead last then you're probably pretty tough about it by yr6. A typical 10yo boy would go to great lengths to avoid crying in front of mates, too.

I wonder if the boy's upset wasn't about sports day but maybe other stuff, something else is actually bothering him.

Was he this tearful every year and the HT felt like the ignoring/softly softly approach hadn't achieved anything?

SandyY2K · 29/06/2019 09:59

Perhaps it is an opportunity for him to learn how to be better.

Sport just isn't everybody's thing and not everyone will be good or even be able to improve.

I used to help out in my DCs primary school and helped some lower ability kids with reading.

Some of them really tried, but they just didn't have the ability. The kids in this group remained in bottom sets in secondary school too. They were given additional support in both primary and secondary school, but they just didn't have the ability to achieve at a higher level.

It's not about practising sport... it's like some kids are good with musical instruments...others won't be and practice won't help.

Swipe left for the next trending thread