To feel threatened by SS

[sashypants]

Back in February I had a massive meeting with my HV and my sons nursery, it was about his on going behaviour towards his siblings.

I said some days I wished I wasn't here and because of that, they got SS involved. I welcomed the help thinking that they'd either 1) take ds off me (would make me happy for about a day!) Or 2) get him seen by a physiologist .

FF to now and I'm just pissed off. The guy comes (the 3rd social worker we've had btw!!) Sees things are tough then says "awk well hopefully we can get you some help" this has been his words for the last 3 meetings.

So I refused any more meetings, and told him why. His response "I do understand but if we work together we can get you some help" 😤 but now I've got a letter that states if I do not comply with the meetings they will set up a childrens hearing basically, so pretty much I have to let them through my door or they will get some court order in place to be let through my door.

I feel this is grossly unfair, it's pretty much their way and nothing I can do about it 😓 am I really BU to request no more meetings

OH MY FUCKING GOD DO YOU NOT READ. I said I wasn't proud of that and it was in the dark days before ADs gave me the chance to clear my head 🤦‍♀️

If your boy is in nursery, he can't be very old, under four I would think. It sounds as though he is improving now which can only be good.

Why do you want him to see a physiologist? Is there something wrong with his anatomy?

Quote: Physiology is a very broad field. Qualified physiologists may work in academia or in practices, much like most other medical qualifications. Simply, they study the anatomy of the human body. They are interested in how organs and systems work together and what effects outside agents have on the human body.

Is it your parenting, then? Or is your son mentally ill? I'm confused.

You seem to be saying he's better now because you have changed your parenting style. So presumably it's not pathological and he doesn't need a psychologist assessment.

And why the hell are you bringing another child into this? That's ridiculously irresponsible.

Dd1 held dd3 under water age 7 (dd3 was 4) ina swimming pool on holiday. I was truly shocked and her reaction afterwards was more baffling, she didn't quite seem to get why we were cross. With hindsight 4 years on, I think dd3 was being annoying and dd1 wondered what would happen. I don't think she actually grasped she could have killed dd3. Dd3 has a way of annoying her sisters still but dd1&2 unite and manage it without murdering her. Dd1 is much more empathetic now.

Does it not strike you that me saying that, means I was on the bones of my arse desperate? That in those days I'd have given him to anybody. It was a cry for help. There is no need to come around now sticking the boot in more.
Like I said the SW has offered me respite care and because I can see more clearly now I have refused, in actual fact I realised I do NOT want him away from me. I need him here!

Yeah you really don't fucking read do you. The test was fucking negative

Antidepressants aren't a magic wand. I should know. I'm on two different types. Saying that they have fixed you is saying that your depression caused all of this. And if that's the case then why are you still blaming your DS for their behaviour?

ADs would only be starting to kick in after 3-4 weeks.

Your language is horrific. You refuse to accept that you continue to be at fault here.

You don't know what a psychologist is, or what they do.

How can you possibly imagine that SS would drop your case yet? Your children are in danger. You yourself offered to wilfully neglect one, and offered somebody money to take them away (you haven't answered why you did that yet). If you present half as badly IRL as you do on here then god help you in getting rid of them. Ever.

No my son is 5 I've already said this.
Jesus christ I'm not saying my depression caused this at all, but I was in a fog, a sucical fog. (Let's not forget I recently have a termination at that point!)
I couldn't see the wood for the trees. Since going onto them it has given me a clearer frame of mind. I feel calmer and I've been able to sit and speak to ds without feeling like I want to just to go sleep. I can actually walk into the kitchen and see knives and not be tempted to pick them up and cut my wrists anymore.
Since it is clearer, I've been able to enjoy DS more. And we've experienced some lovely times together. And will experience many more!
I know my parenting style had a major impact, so did bringing 2 children into it. I'm doing my best to resolve it now

Do I really need to spell out every little detail ffs. If it's so relevant I've been on them since the start of May.

I did that because I WAS DESPERATE. I needed help, I wanted somebody to listen.mak to

Yes you do need to spell out every little detail. Because your children were/are in danger.

So yes, little details matter. That's why SS are involved.

Whatever. You're just making me feel worse. I know I've made a positive change.

I'm sorry this is happening. I understand that you asked SS for help when you were desperate for some support, but unfortunately the way they work is that they will only even assess you for help if there are safeguarding concerns. So they had to be suitably worried in the first place. Unfortunately you were probably under the impression they were a helpful and supportive service, instead they are just a massive arse covering exercise. So now you're on their radar they are aware of your family and can't just dissapear until they are sure Things are much more stable. Therefore they won't just go away, no. Now they are involved you are doing to have to jump through lots of hoops until they back off again.

Carry on then. But work with SS.

They are taught that everybody lies so will want to see evidence of any changes (and lasting evidence not just you saying you are ok now)

It s good things are better
But because thIngs were extremely bad as you have said- then ss have a duty to follow up for a length of time.
Surely you can see that?
A few weeks ago d's was in yur words trying to drown his sibling. You wanted to give him away. You were in a bad place.
So if things are now great then after a few months follow up they will sign off.
Might be 3 or 6 or 12 months.
Go along with it .
Maybe d's does have some needs and school will assess him.

My language is horrific to you because you're purposely being horrible. Everybody else has said how great it is that I've seen the light and manage to change things around, but you, you're constantly there making remarks. It doesn't matter at all when I started ADs

Please, OP, just read back your own posts. Forget everyone else’s. Just yours.

Is it really so hard to grasp that I am a young mum, struggling with children, juggling going back to work and yes I'm a bit stressed, heaven forbid i don't use the right 'psychologist' word.
I see nothing wrong with my posts. This thread is no longer serving me a purpose so I will hide it.
Me and DS are happier that is the main thing

People are treating you kindly. I'm being harsher. You know why? Because I used to work with families that had been flagged to SS. And I've seen stuff fall under the radar, and kids suffer.

Play nice for SS. They've noticed you have difficulty coping with your family. You will have to prove that you are fully capable before they will sign you off. And that will take a lot longer than 3 weeks.

I’m so confused. If your child is 5 wouldn’t he already be in school? If you’ve been on this journey 2 years you asked for help when he was just 3. Somehow you’ve added a baby to the situation since then and also had a termination and possibly miscarriages and could also have been pregnant again. You also work including at weekends. I’m not surprised the child is behaving as he is. I would suggest looking in to attachment disorder. Did you get post natal depression after he was born? It sounds like even if not your relationship broke down during this time. I’m not saying any of this to judge you just that it does sound hugely chaotic and unstable and I can’t imagine you being in the right head space to support your son fully in his early years. This also comes across in your wording about your child. I agree you need support but probably in the form of parenting classes and tailored support to form better attachments with your son. The 3 weeks of improvements won’t be enough.

Maybe have a conversation with the sw about what the next steps are and an idea of time frames (nothing ever happens quickly 🙄).

Good luck with your journey. It sounds like you are making positive steps and recognising that your parenting needs to change rather than your son. Keep going with it. If you like to read it might be worth looking at ‘playful parenting’, ‘how to talk so kids will listen’ and ‘siblings without rivalry’. Lots of one to one time. Lots of praise. Getting your partner on board too.

Well FO then because you're making me feel worse. I am actually in tears, I was doing so well.
Like I said he hasn't been around since the start of June so I don't see why that can't continue 🤷‍♀️

Sashypants after 2 years of behaviour so bad you wanted to kill yourself and you told SS to remove your son, this change hasn't really been long enough. It's a great start and pleased that your son is happier and that you are too but it still isn't long enough to say that it's all alright now and there will never be a problem again.

Work with SS, they aren't going to disappear because you've said it's fine now. So the best thing to do is work with them and they will see how things have improved and they will disappear on their own.

However I'm also confused; if he is already 5 wouldn't he be at school?