Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To skip a birthday party that I promised to attend

135 replies

Likepebblesonthebeach · 27/06/2019 23:51

It is my best friends fiancées big birthday tomorrow night. They have arranged a party in a hotel in another county. It is around 60/90 mins drive. As it’s so far away & we are so broke this month I plan on driving. I could stay in the hotel but again, I’m broke & going solo as DH has to mind our kids. We have lots of mutual friends so don’t mind going solo or not drinking at all.
DS has had a vomiting bug since Monday. He had two huge vomits today, one near bedtime. I don’t want to leave DH with a sick child and a young baby. I am also knackered from a week of cleaning up vomit and lack of sleep - DS is waking at night with vomits or fever.

I’m such a people pleaser that I don’t want to flake - it will look like I just can’t be bothered with the drive.
Either DS will still be I’ll and I’ll need to help DH or DS will be better and I’d love nothing more than a bottle of wine & take away with DH after a rotten week.

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 27/06/2019 23:54

You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. If you don’t feel up to it, don’t go.

geologyrocks · 27/06/2019 23:54

Why would you promise and not go?

If your child is well then fine...sometimes you need to put yourself out in order to make someone else feel good about themselves. If you like and respect this person..why not?

PositiveVibez · 27/06/2019 23:58

The MN response of 'its an invite, not a summons', is very apt here.

Yanbu OP

thewinkingprawn · 27/06/2019 23:58

I don’t think you need to stay and help DH - tough though it is he will manage and you have said you will go. However not wanting to go is another matter but if you do that I would say you have come down with the big yourself and no way can you make it - it may be a fib but anything else will look pretty poor. Totally get where you are coming from though - under those circumstances I wouldn’t want to go either

CharityConundrum · 27/06/2019 23:59

I might cry off on the grounds that I wouldn't want to pass on any potential bug to a party full of people! That makes it a more 'worthy' reason to stay away and the added factor of you being exhausted is just kind of a given.

thewinkingprawn · 28/06/2019 00:00

it’s an invite not a summons i can’t stand that saying / it misses totally the reality of some of these situations and relationships. However it does not apply here as she has said she will go.

SkintAsASkintThing · 28/06/2019 00:00

I couldn't be arsed either.

Tell a white lie and say you have the bug........it's a miracle if you haven't tbh.

madamim · 28/06/2019 00:01

I would just explain that your child has a vomiting bug, and that he has continued to vomit and that you would be mortified if you passed it onto a guest x

ladymariner · 28/06/2019 00:20

Sorry but I think you should go....your dh can manage for one evening, and you're not staying over. I think if you agree to do something you should do it.

1Wildheartsease · 28/06/2019 00:28

It would be most unfair to pass on the bug!
You should stay home.

winterisstillcoming · 28/06/2019 00:31

I'd message and say 'things are not looking good here, I've got 3 down with D&V and I'm just about still standing.. I'll try my best to come to the party but if I'm desperately needed, or end up with the bug myself then I won't be able to come as it seems to be really contagious. I'll keep you posted'.

Just be honest, she's your BFF. If you cancel, make sure you make it up to him later. These things happen.

newmomof1 · 28/06/2019 00:32

It's a large party - I can't imagine you'll be missed too badly (in the nicest possible way!)
Just tell her you've come down with the bug

Baritriwsahys · 28/06/2019 00:35

You actually made a promise to go?

That sounds like a really odd way for adults to converse. Are you sure you haven't just discussed it with the assumption you will be there, or said 'yes I will be there'? Because both of these are no promises. Nothing is set in stone and circumstances can change.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 28/06/2019 00:35

Stomach bug is a genuine acceptable excuse. Use it.

AquaPris · 28/06/2019 00:44

Can you hack a sick child and new baby? If so why the fuck can he not?

Baritriwsahys · 28/06/2019 00:46

Can you hack a sick child and new baby? If so why the fuck can he not?

OP did not say her DH couldn't 'hack' them.

She said she did not want to leave him with a sick child and a new baby, which is actually quite a reasonable parenting response.

Stressedout10 · 28/06/2019 01:06

Please don't go you could give everyone d&v.WinkHalo
Stay home with dh and Wine
Have a nice weekend

EmmaGrundyForPM · 28/06/2019 04:56

I don't think YABU but I guess I might try to go if the party includes a formal sit-down meal which your friends have paid for.

Was your dh also invited?

newmomof1 · 28/06/2019 04:58

@AquaPris Can you hack a sick child and new baby? If so why the fuck can he not?

Well aren't you a delight?
She wants to be there to help - he hasn't asked her not to go.
They're a couple so help each other out...

PlatoAteMySnozcumber · 28/06/2019 05:20

Hmm... I would make the effort to go for a couple of hours. Random from work’s party, stay at home. Best friend’s husband, I would go. I would get in touch with her and let her know DS has vomiting bug, say you are fine to go but you want to clear it with her as you don’t know if you might be contagious and not sure what to do for the best. It gives her an opportunity to give you an out but obviously she might just say it’s fine!

musicalxo · 28/06/2019 05:33

You don't have to go if you don't want to given your sick DS and rotten week. If she's really your BFF, I'm sure she'll understand.

GPatz · 28/06/2019 05:49

If you agreeing to attend has not caused your friend any significant amount of money, then make your excuses to stay at home with your bottle of wine and your husband.

If the party involves something like a sit down meal, then I would go.

It may be an invite and not a summons, but if you agreed to go to a party, you try to go. You get enough people moaning on here about how parents RSVP to a children's party the don't turn up. I can see why now.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/06/2019 06:16

I’d say you feel ill now and cannot risk passing the bug on. Don’t go too much into clearing up vomit especially if they don’t have a child. They won’t get the tiredness or capacity young children have for vomiting everywhere.

BoomBoomsCousin · 28/06/2019 06:21

It does sound like you can't be arsed rather than you can't make it. You have good reason for that though. 2 - 3 hours of driving for a party when you're tired doesn't sound like it will be much fun. If there's a per head expense like a meal or a risk that lots of people are dropping out and it will end up a bit of a disaster then I'd suck it up and go. But otherwise, an explanation that you're really sorry but your children are sick and it would be too much on top of the sleepless nights but you'd love to bring them a bottle of wine round to celebrate in a couple of weeks time when the kids aren't making life so difficult, etc. Then do it.

Ihatehashtags · 28/06/2019 06:23

You should go. If you don’t its pretty flaky. Surely you’ve got a friend or family member who can look after even one child for a night. Honestly people are pathetic these days. Real snowflakes

Swipe left for the next trending thread