To feel sorry for children always late for school

[Shootingstar1115]

I’m probably going to get slammed for this. I know parenting is hard and sometimes we all run a little late at times.

As a child I was always late for school. DM was absolutely terrible in the mornings. Wouldn’t get up early, we would never be given breakfast (usually biscuits or crisps in the car on the way). I hated walking in late every day. I never got used to it. Felt like all eyes were on me and the teachers would get annoyed. I wasn’t able to walk as the school was quite far away. I still very much like this now. It’s turned me into an extremely punctual person.

Every day after taking DS to school and DD over to the pre school I see the same parents walking towards the school by this point 15 minutes after it first started and they aren’t rushing either.

We live in a village where most people live no further than a 5 minute walk away from the school. It’s a small place and most people walk (other than the few who live in the surrounding areas).

I just feel sorry for the kids being ushered in so late in the morning. It’s the same parents every single day!! It reminds me of my childhood and now being late every day made me extremely anxious. Even at secondary school I’d be late every day. I didn’t live far enough away to get a bus in but it was too far to walk. I’d be sat in the car resdy waiting for DM to get in the car.

The school have sent home letters and everything about it.

Do some people just not give a crap??

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I imagine most people who are late have rubbish time keeping, but sometimes other factors at play.

When we moved here, I couldn't get my children into the same school. They were at 2 different primaries, 4 miles apart, 15 minute difference in finishing times. The one in my village finished first, but she was always last out of class. I'd get there as early as possible so I could park as close as I could (still not that close). After picking my daughter up, we'd drive to her brothers school in the next village. I'd park up at about the same time as the school was finishing so lots of cars and have to park miles away, then run with my daughter and new born baby to pick my son up. I'd always get looks and sometimes comments from other parents, even though I clearly had a child in another uniform! School were fine about it, but I was always 7/8 minutes late. I am normally obsessively early and suffer from anxiety so absolutely hated it! Fortunately they are at the same school now, as is the baby!

I try not to judge when I see others being late as you don't know what's going on. Although sometimes you can't help it!

I'm consistently late. My ds has severe mental illness and can't get out the house sometimes. If I try to leave without him he becomes hysterical and the knock on is my other one is late for school. The alternative is leaving him and risking coming back to tragedy or him having left the house.

I I I... I don't know why there's so many I's

Perhaps they have another drop off first or quite a busy morning caring for someone. Why don’t you offer to take them with your one day a week?

@Shootingstar1115 me and my sister got the school bus but if we ever had an extra activity after school or weekends we were always, always the last kids to be picked up. I used to beg teachers or parents not to wait behind because it was so embarrassing. There was nothing wrong at home, my mum would just forget her head if it wasn't attached.

Thanks all. I think there’s a massive difference between a parent who tries to get their children to school on time but cannot for whatever reason and parents who just run late, don’t really care and just stroll in like it doesn’t matter.

My sons asd means that he would proably have a huge meltdown if we were late for school. So I always make sure we are there at the time. There’s a 15 minute window to get to school too (between 8.40 and 8.55)

That's entirely different though @Sirzy the school have to make reasonable adjustments as they should.

Yanbu me too

I could man get my son to school in time every day when he was in 5-11. Even though he has additional needs. Then when children get more independence and want to walk to school in their own my son seems to be constantly late he leaves in plenty of time and the teacher tells me other children him pass him on the way. It's not always the parent.

But other parents won’t necessarily know that though and I am sure some will judge us going in late.

That’s the problem when people judge what they don’t know

YANBU. Same at our school, same kids every bloody morning. They live about 3 minutes drive from school. I know school have spoken to the mum about it as she posted a rant on fb about it, 'how dare a member of school staff talk to me that way' kind of thing. That was months ago, and it's still no better. I honestly don't get it - why can they not just get up 10 minutes earlier?

My daughter is never late but some days we are extremely tight and I’m always rushing her in. We usually have around 5 mins to spare. It doesn’t seem to matter how early I get up it’s a constant battle, she refuses to eat, refuses to get dressed. Has meltdowns when it comes to brushing hair and teeth. She’s only in preschool just now but all it takes some days is 1 child being a touch difficult in the morning to throw everything else out of sync. It’s not always because parents can’t be arsed.

I hear you. I think getting to school on time is just part of basic parenting and although it doesn’t come easily to me I work hard at it. DC1 has been late to school once per academic year so far.

I agree with the PP who said parents’ attitude to it makes a difference - when parents don’t recognise the stress it causes their child, i do judge that because they’re clearly not paying enough attention.

I also agree with the point about better a bit late/flustered but fed and loved, than on time when that’s achieved through screeching. My mum was never late but she leaned heavily on ‘getting things done through shouting’ and though I don’t always manage it, I definitely try to avoid doing that to my kids.

Because I’m naturally a bit crap at timekeeping, I do it all quite explicitly and hope I’m teaching DC the skills/process so that they might be less rubbish at it than me.

You know anxiety shows its self in different ways. Im always at least 30 mins early - not sure whats better, standing in the pissing rain and sleet for 30 mins until the gates open , or rocking up 10 mins after

Teaching children to be on time is an important part of parenting. It becomes more serious if your adult child can’t keep a job because they are persistently late.

If your child is sleepy in the morning they need an earlier bedtime. I used to stand in my DCs room singing silly songs until they got out of bed. It’s a kinder way than to keep saying ‘are you awake?’

Such a good observation. You feel sorry for the harassed, running, sweating, parent shouting 'come on we'll be late'. The constantly late, strolling in parents show a complete lack of respect for teachers and their time and are teaching their kids it is ok to keep others waiting and disrupt a lesson that has started.
Like others my son has a multitude of special needs and it's like bloody herding cats until he has taken his medication in the morning. You just have to get up much earlier and be organised the night before. I have also had mental health problems, but for me it was always non-negotiable making sure we were on time, my son was clean, smart and had breakfast. It is really important to how he is in school to have a (relatively) calm and organised start to the day.

Yanbu but I have empathy for people who struggle. Depression etc can play a part. It's not as easy as saying "be more organised" any more than saying "eat less" is helpful for persistant overweight.

Shouting and rushing ds is would only mean he went into school in full meltdown and unable to engage in anything so who exactly would that help?

The most important part for getting him into school is keeping calm and not letting him see me getting stressed!

When my son got custody of his 2 children full time, they'd been with their mother exclusively for 2 years. He collected their school reports to take to their new school - both of them had been late for school over 50 times , and it was only half-way through the year. Mum wasn't working - she just couldn't be bothered to get up in the morning. Both kids are paranoid about being late now - my DGD has a panic attack if it looks as if she'll be any less than 20 minutes early for the day. It really does affect children .

I'm demented at the minute trying to get ds 9 to school on time atm. He goes so slow in the mornings, and I either have to stand over him while he does everything, or it's like he just stands there picking his nose/daydreaming? Will often spend a lot of time back chatting, or refusing to do things, which doesn't help. Even the days we get up early and are all set to be early for school, he still seems to find some way to makes us late, needing to go for a poo right at the last minute, or realising he's "lost" a shoe at some point or whatever.

It doesn't seem to bother him (I've asked loads of times), but I find it really embarrassing. I hate having to shout at him, but it's like in the mornings he'll only listen/focus if I raise my voice? He still has to be reminded to wipe his mouth after he brushes his teeth (and not on his sleeve...), put socks on etc. It's much worse than trying to get a baby or toddler ready as he's much bigger, and complains so much more. Every morning is a battle, it's exhausting. Once he's ready we can be on time for everything else that day, it's just the actual getting ready part that's the problem. I think he'd literally rather do anything else than brush his teeth. I once barged into the bathroom to see what was taking him so long, he was stood with a foot on either side of the bath, arms in the air.

I hate the thought of people thinking I just don't care, when it's actually made me cry with frustration (when I get home) so many times.

*No idea how atm got in there twice

I assume there are reasons that are none of my bussiness but friend had none and used to complain to everyone the school was uphappy about the lateness.

My friend would see people coming out as kids had gone in – and stop and to chat with her DD desperately trying to get her moving.

She was oddly competitive about reading books in the reading schemes so I assume education was important on some level.

YANBU - The parents that are stressed and late because their kids haven't complied or they are having issues etc fine, but one parent at our school, arrives every day with her 4 kids in tow, looking gorgeous, with all the kids clean and smart with beautiful elaborate hairstyles as 9.10am. School starts at 8.30am. I find that unreasonable.

Every day walking back from drop off I always see the same 3 or 4 late parents and children and it makes me so sad for the children. A one off you can understand but it’s always the same people over and over. And judging from how many people I know who do not give a shit about being late ‘ooh I’m always late, I struggle with being on time for anything blah blah blah’ I’d wager a guess that those parents are just like that, they don’t care.

I'm the same @Shootingstar1115 - we were always the late kids, not every day, but enough that it sticks out in my mind. Walking into assembly late was horrible. It was only when my mum went back to work and had to be at her school on time that we were on time. She's still late to everything now, as she's overly optimistic about what she can achieve in a given amount of time as well as being a faffer. I am sometimes late, but mostly not because I build in extra time to everything (I am also a faffer, but I plan for it...!)