To feel sorry for children always late for school

[Shootingstar1115]

I’m probably going to get slammed for this. I know parenting is hard and sometimes we all run a little late at times.

As a child I was always late for school. DM was absolutely terrible in the mornings. Wouldn’t get up early, we would never be given breakfast (usually biscuits or crisps in the car on the way). I hated walking in late every day. I never got used to it. Felt like all eyes were on me and the teachers would get annoyed. I wasn’t able to walk as the school was quite far away. I still very much like this now. It’s turned me into an extremely punctual person.

Every day after taking DS to school and DD over to the pre school I see the same parents walking towards the school by this point 15 minutes after it first started and they aren’t rushing either.

We live in a village where most people live no further than a 5 minute walk away from the school. It’s a small place and most people walk (other than the few who live in the surrounding areas).

I just feel sorry for the kids being ushered in so late in the morning. It’s the same parents every single day!! It reminds me of my childhood and now being late every day made me extremely anxious. Even at secondary school I’d be late every day. I didn’t live far enough away to get a bus in but it was too far to walk. I’d be sat in the car resdy waiting for DM to get in the car.

The school have sent home letters and everything about it.

Do some people just not give a crap??

YANBU. I get that some people will have genuine difficulties in getting out on time, but I really don't think those people are in the majority of regular latecomers. The ones I see who are late every day are the ones who are casually strolling along, maybe having nipped into the shop first. No sense of urgency or respect for the time schedule the school or workplace runs to.

Yanbu. I've noticed it's fashionable to be late now, people always seem to laugh it off with "ooh we'll get there when we get there!" type comments. No, it's bloody rude, the attitude is that other people's time isn't as important as yours, and it holds other people back. It's also stressful and anxiety inducing for the child dragged along in their wake. Most of it could be solved by better self discipline and a few organisational tweaks

So judgemental. You have no idea about what's going on in their lives. Mind your own business, honestly. It's so rude to judge other people. Maybe they have a really difficult home life. And how is it affecting you anyway?

I'm a mixture between yabu and yanbu.

I agree that it's stressful to be late all the time for the child. Many who are late just don't give themselves enough tme.

However I agree it happens sometimes and shouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Also agree with those who've said beinf a little.bit late is better than a parent getting overly stressed and shouting at the kids (Ive veen both in my life!).

Some people also suffer from insomnia which can make it really hard!

Yanbu. If I'd relied on my mum to get to school I'd have been late every day. Eventually I just walked the 45 mins. Same for pick up, wait an hour for her or walk 45 mins. My schooling just wasn't a priority for her.

Well, I absolutely judge this. It's incredibly basic parenting alongside making sure your dc are fed, clothed and clean. All this people have difficult lives stuff...I've had many stressful times, illness, a dc with sn, a tantrumming toddler, no car in the pouring rain etc but I've still managed to get my dc to school on time.

Dont have school age children but my neice is late daily. Different excuses from SIL. Mostly blaming the child but when asked where she was (mother) she says "in bed, i dont have to be anywhere" child is 11. The other day, toddler was up through the night so they all slept in, SIL said to me "im glad i got her in, she was only a bit late"... 10.15am she got in. A bit late

My dc's school sent out a letter explaining that if you're late x amount of times at x amount of minutes, you're actually missing out on X lessons/days of school.

A one off..fine.

A regular occurrence...it's neglect and I absolutely judge parents who neglect their kids.

YANBU. Same parents here at my sons school too. I was occasionally late to secondary school and hated that worrying feeling. If mornings are hectic then just get up earlier by 10 mins!

I think YABU, although I see what you're saying about the parents who just don't care.

FWIW I was consistently late to school, and hated it, and now try my best to be on time. BUT this has turned me into a panicked, stressed, rushing-around-the-place parent in the mornings, trying to get my kids out the door on time. TBH, I'd rather they were late a few times rather than us all start the day stressed and angry.

@hazandduck
That’s very sad. I do hope your mum got help eventually x

Me too.
The head of DC junior school has a phrase, "The children are never late children, it is the parent's.
They never give out to the child for lateness but the embarrassment of being late is enough.
It is the same parents all the time, some often ridiculously late.

If mornings are hectic then just get up earlier by 10 mins! Much easier said than done when you have a sleepy 6 year old who WON'T get out of bed.

I had a friend who was always late with her DD to school – not so much other places.

This was partly as DD took a long while to get ready and friend wasn’t very authoritative – few play dates I had to intervene to get child out the door – firm like put shoes on now was all it took but friend would dance around giving clear instructions and let her mess about.

However, even with the DH they were late – and the DD messed around less with him – because they both had a very persistent belief that it took x minutes’ walk to get to the school from their house.

Many of us who lived closer pointed out it took us longer – but they’d never accept that. Even timed walk past our house at the time and it was twice as long too theirs and showed it took longer than x – didn’t compute.

Only time child was on time was when GM took her and consequently she preferred the GM to do so – which upset the parents.

There were well educated profession people with this weird unshakable belief. They had a lot of meeting with the school about it – school did same suggestion we did about leaving 5-10 minutes earlier – nope every day late till they moved away.

Most families who are late have some disadvanatage - underlying problems but this one didn't - they got to work on time, parties and groups on time just school they didn't.

YANBU. It’s usually always the same kids too. Lazy, selfish, don’t give a fuck parenting. Unfair not only on the kids who are late but also the others in the class and the teachers.

Obviously one offs can happen but I’m talking about repeat offenders

I was always late too. Combination of school bring 5 miles away and the roads being clogged with traffic and my mother thinking it not particularly important to get me there on time. I was even late to my mock GCSEs!! Plus I’d get left at parties as my parents never picked me up on time. Very very stressful.

It wont surprise you that as an adult I’m always punctual, my kids go to school on time and get picked up on time and my mother is still bloody late to everything 🙈

YANBU. Have had phases of being late too frequently when DDs were little, due to my insomnia (made much worse by them waking me up in the night) and feeling rather shit in the morning, plus lack of organisation. This was when DD2 was in reception, and a patch when DD1 was little and DD2 was a baby. But I got it together in the end and it was for a relatively short time. There are a couple of mums I know who were late with me sometimes then. I only do the school run a couple of times a week now with DD2 in Y5, and years later they are coming in five or ten minutes late still. DD2 says their kids are late nearly every day.

You're assuming the children are as sensitive as you are. I didn't give a shit when I was a child - my poor mother would call me and call me in the morning, she'd eventually give up and say "suit yourself, you're going to be late and it's your problem". I didn't care. There are a lot of Vicky Pollards.

Much easier said than done when you have a sleepy 6 year old who WON'T get out of bed

If a NT six year old is regularly unable to get out of bed due to tiredness, then the parent needs to take steps to address that. Earlier bed times, quicker morning routine...etc

My son has autism as well and it’s because of that we have to make sure he gets to school on time. Being late would upset his whole routine for the day and would make him extremely distressed and that would be likely to impact on the whole class. Plus he’s now realised getting there a few minutes early to have a “chinwag” as he puts it with his friends really helps him de stress before going in.

I never got this either ,ds1 was at a primary school.about a mile and a half away and ds2 goes to a special school,so I would have to get them both ready and wait for ds2 school transport to pick him up before I could get ds1 to school.,I was rarely late and if I was it was because of school transport being late ,yet every morning after dropping ds1 off at school I used to see a parent and child(same one ) who lived about five minutes walk from school,tootalling ,along after the bell had gone not a care in the world .

Yanbu. I was always late as a child. My mum was and still is very disorganised and just takes an age to do anything. I hated being late for everything. I found it so embarrassing and it caused a lot of anxiety. To this day my sister and I are both ridiculously early to everything. We are the sort of people that turn up at the airport about 6 hours before a flight 😂

On the whole your not being unreasonable and I hate lateness.

But at the same time sometimes it’s indicative of bigger issues. Ds went through a phase last year of always being late because of his issues with school refusal. He is often late now as he is peg fed and needs things through the peg twice before school and has to have two hours between them - school know and are happy with this!

Wow, lots of judgement here. Yes, it's a parents job to get their child to school on time. But what about when that child just doesn't want to go? A child with anxiety issues, and asd? I know full well that DS has a good bedtime routine, is asleep plenty early enough to get up and is fed and clean every morning. But if I lose my shit and start raising my voice, he will go into complete meltdown and it will take me ages to calm him down. I'd rather he was a little late in the morning, but in school calm and ready to learn than on time but stressed and upset. His school agrees, we've had lots of meetings about it and the SENCO has said it's far more important that he is in school and ready to learn, even if late, than on time but upset and anxious. When he arrives in the morning, he has 10 minutes of reading with the TA to ease him in and then he goes into class, regardless of what time he arrives.

Until you have had a child who feigns illness, sickness or just plain pretends to fall asleep to get out of school, who gets himself so worked up that he throws up if he's too pressured in the mornings, then you have no right to judge.

Yes, there are families who just don't give a shit, wake up late every day and genuinely don't care about school in general. But not every family is like that. We certainly aren't. Fwiw DD has never been late to school, because she doesn't have additional needs. But DS is a different child altogether and I manage it the best way I can, with the full support of his school.