To feel sorry for children always late for school

[Shootingstar1115]

I’m probably going to get slammed for this. I know parenting is hard and sometimes we all run a little late at times.

As a child I was always late for school. DM was absolutely terrible in the mornings. Wouldn’t get up early, we would never be given breakfast (usually biscuits or crisps in the car on the way). I hated walking in late every day. I never got used to it. Felt like all eyes were on me and the teachers would get annoyed. I wasn’t able to walk as the school was quite far away. I still very much like this now. It’s turned me into an extremely punctual person.

Every day after taking DS to school and DD over to the pre school I see the same parents walking towards the school by this point 15 minutes after it first started and they aren’t rushing either.

We live in a village where most people live no further than a 5 minute walk away from the school. It’s a small place and most people walk (other than the few who live in the surrounding areas).

I just feel sorry for the kids being ushered in so late in the morning. It’s the same parents every single day!! It reminds me of my childhood and now being late every day made me extremely anxious. Even at secondary school I’d be late every day. I didn’t live far enough away to get a bus in but it was too far to walk. I’d be sat in the car resdy waiting for DM to get in the car.

The school have sent home letters and everything about it.

Do some people just not give a crap??

@cacaco how long does a letter take to boil

how long does a letter take to boil

forever if you keep watching

Yes I do. There are three kids in my DD's class who have been late for school more days than not for three years. Two of the parents are perfectly capable but massively entitled and think the party doesn't start until they arrive. Both perfectly "nice" families and decent home lives (I know them both well) and complain bitterly about being called in constantly for attendance meetings. Don't take kindly to the recommendation that they turn up on time then! Both live five mins walk from school so no issues with the journey, and are always at least 20 mins late when they are.

The other poor girl has a shitty home life and the lateness for school is a symptom of that. Also lives five mins walk from school. Unfortunately I know too well what's going on at home, and I amongst others reported to school and SS. Thankfully she is getting some support now. Kids like this is the reason they take constant lateness seriously.

When disability is involved it often isn’t as easy as “be more organised” because the very nature of a lot of disabilities means they are unpredictable.

We aim to leave to leave in time to get to school 10 minutes early. But we have to do two tube feeds (2 hours apart which is an obvious early issue), medication, physio, wrestle into a Lycra suit and glove, hopefully get him to eat breakfast, get dressed - all of which can take a variable amount of time depending on mood and equipment ! And that’s before the issues we have had in the past with school refusal.

Now school know this and know he will be there as soon as he can be, he doesn’t go into class for at least the first 15 minutes he is there anyway as he needs time to adjust so no extra disruption to class.

But for the average person who sees us walking in late they have no idea what we have done before getting to the point of leaving the house.

Emerald Thank you, but the problem is I am not sure I am trying my best. I agree with stucknoue and think I just don't schedule very well. I sabotage myself by never giving myself enough time.
I always have, with everything; I arrive everywhere and get everything done by the skin of my teeth. I don't know why because it's so stressful and just reinforces my low self esteem.

Thankyou Cacacois I think I will look into the resources you mention and explicitly try to work on this aspect of my behaviour. It would be good to feel I am doing something in life right!

A few years ago I was chatting near the main entrance to my children's school when a mother and child strolled by 10 minutes after the bell had gone.

The Principal was at the main door, as he was every morning.

Little child say's " sorry Principal I'm late again". Principal responds with" that's ok Child, it's not YOU whose late".

I really liked his response. It is the parents responsibility to get the child on time.

There are those of us who specifically time their arrival (me!) so that as other parents are leaving, we are arriving. No we are not flustered, no we are not late

For any other life event taking place with people we LIKE to interact with, we're there before time and yes my children are well settled, punctual kind and loving little people. Not everyone is 'late' by accident

So this doesn't really apply to you then? You said in your first comment that you are NOT late.

My DS was always late for school when he was in infant school because I had to get 2 kids to 2 different schools, I was called into the headteachers office once & told to basically walk faster, easier said than done when my DS was asthmatic & also had a toddler too!

They’ve changed it now & the junior school opens their doors 10 mins earlier!

I think you should stop being so judgemental if I'm honest. You don't know if that child has special needs and refuses to go to school attacking thier parents, smashing up the house, running away, stripping off as soon as you get them dressed. My child is that child. Judgement doesn't help. Just saying.

YNBU. We were usually brought in late to school. Being collected very late sometimes was humiliating and sometimes scary. The school did try to speak to my mum to get her to up her game but it didn’t work.

There was only one bus every 2 hours from the little village we lived in and my dad could hardly pop back from Iraq every morning for 2 years for the school run, so if we got stuck behind a tractor or a slow driver on winding country roads, we'd just have to be late. Can't leave any earlier when the bus doesn't conform to your schedule. Yes we could have lived on a base nearer to a school but that would mean selling a house that had been in our family for generations. I'm glad I was late at times for the sake of a steady residence and not being moved from pillar to post every 2 years.

I think it depends on situation. The school has told me if I need to ring in because of problems just to ring them and let them know we will be there when we can so I am not as on edge with my son in the morning and about being late. I have had to ring in recently to say was going to be late because one my sons meltdowns and had to calm him down before we could leave and wasn't going to rush him walking because he just end up having another meltdown. Now although it's not an everyday occurrence yet it may become everyday at some point if we can't get any help as my youngest gets bigger and stronger. I wouldn't say all of them have a good reason but some of them may well do.

@loveyou3000 reasons for lateness like yours are taken into account by schools. That's a legitimate reason. Rural schools often close their registers later during bad weather to take into account pupils travelling long distances. As has been said before on this thread, it's those parents who regularly make their children late for no good reason that are being unreasonable.

It's a real pain - the child walks into class and everyone turns and looks, and the teacher has probably already started the lesson plan for the day. Someone has then got to explain to the child what they have missed. Unkind to everyone - lazy selfish parent.

Yanbu, my sister had cancer when I was aged 6-9 and I hated it when we were late. My mum always tried but it was difficult to move my sister most days but walking through the main reception was humiliating.

At our old school (primary) it was the Head of the PTA and her children. They lived a five minute walk from school, and to make matters worse, she herself was a teacher.
She constantly got away with it, headteacher would direct others to the late book at reception, but let her in.
I'm like you OP, hate lateness, there is very few excuses for it.

I do try but I am not a morning person, one of my kids isn’t either and we really struggle to be out of the house and to school on time. Youngest is much better than us and really dislikes being late to school. It’s a constant battle.

I find it incredibly stressful on those mornings when DP is doing the school run as he shouts and chivvies and shouts some more. I can’t start my morning in this way. Sometimes we’re late sometimes not, depends on us, the weather, the traffic. School suggested that DS1 and DS2 should get the school bus but financially it’s not an option. That said DS1 got a letter commending his school attendance of 98% during his years there, so he’s not been harmed.

Do really make an effort to be on time for important events, friends, family etc as am aware lateness is perceived as very rude. But sometimes shit happens.

Veree, nowadays your mum probably would have been diagnosed with adhd if she went to a GP.

This may well be true, although she seems perfectly capable of concentrating to read, do work, fill out paperwork, etc. She did well in school as a young person (didn’t affect her grades). It’s the getting to places on time that is her main issue. Of course, I don’t claim to understand the nuances of ADHD.

I think it’s equally likely that it’s simply procrastination and a lack of discipline. There were no real consequences if my siblings and I were late for school, so she perhaps didn’t have the motivation to change her habits. Unpopular opinion: a bit of judgment might have been motivation to do better.

Everyone’s late sometimes but to be late all the time with an NT child is selfish. One of DDs classmates is always late. Her mum says it’s because she lives so far away. She lives on the same road as me yet we’ve never had the same problems getting in. Her child is NT the mum has no medical issues and has a good job which she can manage to get to on time. She just can’t be arsed to get up on time to get her daughter to school.