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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sorry for children always late for school

345 replies

Shootingstar1115 · 27/06/2019 09:20

I’m probably going to get slammed for this. I know parenting is hard and sometimes we all run a little late at times.

As a child I was always late for school. DM was absolutely terrible in the mornings. Wouldn’t get up early, we would never be given breakfast (usually biscuits or crisps in the car on the way). I hated walking in late every day. I never got used to it. Felt like all eyes were on me and the teachers would get annoyed. I wasn’t able to walk as the school was quite far away. I still very much like this now. It’s turned me into an extremely punctual person.

Every day after taking DS to school and DD over to the pre school I see the same parents walking towards the school by this point 15 minutes after it first started and they aren’t rushing either.

We live in a village where most people live no further than a 5 minute walk away from the school. It’s a small place and most people walk (other than the few who live in the surrounding areas).

I just feel sorry for the kids being ushered in so late in the morning. It’s the same parents every single day!! It reminds me of my childhood and now being late every day made me extremely anxious. Even at secondary school I’d be late every day. I didn’t live far enough away to get a bus in but it was too far to walk. I’d be sat in the car resdy waiting for DM to get in the car.

The school have sent home letters and everything about it.

Do some people just not give a crap??

OP posts:
happyhillock · 27/06/2019 15:01

I live around the corner from a primary school and its alway's the same kid's late for school running and eating a pkt if crisps, its a shame really they'll get into trouble not the parent's who should get there backside out if bed and get there children to school on time.

MordredsOrrery · 27/06/2019 15:01

YABU DC is late almost every day. The staff team are being incredibly supportive of us and the various medical professionals involved. At the moment, if keeping his PJs on under his clothes is what he needs to get out of the house, that is what happens.

Do any of the other parents know what's going on? No. It's none of their business.

There's no neglect involved - quite the reverse, there are a large number of people all making a huge effort to ensure his needs are met - and it is enormously offensive that judgemental strangers somehow think condemning situations they know nothing about is acceptable.

Politicalacuityisathing · 27/06/2019 15:03

@PanannyPanoo - with you all the way x this was me! Took me years to realise my DC was trying to be late to avoid the crowds at the beginning of the day. The judgement reeked from some parents and the shame I have felt as a late parent is awful. I decided though to be kinder to myself.

hazandduck · 27/06/2019 15:05

@Politicalacuityisathing absolutely agree. It’s a hell of a leap from someone being late to saying kids aren’t fed and clothed.

Cacacoisfarraige · 27/06/2019 15:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

womaninthedark · 27/06/2019 15:07

Depression.
Autism - poor executive function.
Anxiety.
These things can make you late getting your children to school even when you desperately want to be on time.

MrsHardbroom · 27/06/2019 15:12

We are about 3 mins late most mornings. I am a very bad time keeper (to the point of being pathological - I always think I'm going to be faster at things than I am) and my child had no sense of urgency. She could not give less of a shit whether she is late or not, and fortunately the teachers at our lovely village school see all the other things we do for it and the community and don't seem to judge. There are far worse things a parent can do to a child than not get them to school on time.

kikibo · 27/06/2019 15:13

Yes, I used to be late twice a day in primary, once in the morning and once after lunch. My mum would start clearing the table from lunch at the moment we had to leave. I got angry by the time I was 11. I was always fed and everything, no bad word about that, but her time management has always been terrible. Her sister, my aunt, is worse though. She starts getting ready when they should have left half an hour ago, so usually ends up being 1.5 hours late. I just don't understand why.

Come secondary, I think I was only late once. When I had twisted my ankle and shuffled to school.

needsomesleepy · 27/06/2019 15:14

My friend is like this. I always see her DD walking towards school as I am driving back home in the morning. I offered her a lift the first couple of times but then I realised that her mother could either A. Get her up and ready on time or B. Drive her along herself. This is age 7/8/9 she has been like it. I no longer give her a lift, even in bad weather. Feel awful but I'm not about to take on responsibility for something her own mother won't.

Canuckduck · 27/06/2019 15:16

I agree. My daughter told me that one child in her class was late 160 times this year. I often see her walking alone when I am making my way home. I feel very sad for her. It’s neglect.

dustarr73 · 27/06/2019 15:22

I always knew how late we where by the people i would see.I am very rarely late,and you see the same people all the time.Running up the road.

But i remember just having an informal chat to the home/school liason person.And she said to me they would rather certain kids be late as otherwise they would never go to school.I found that incredibly sad.

CaptainButtock · 27/06/2019 15:27

Genuinely shocked at how judgemental people are being on this thread. And smug.
This little beauty stands out:
I feel so sorry for those consistently late and will never understand how adults cannot simply get up earlier! At one point I had to drop DD to school, get DS to nursery with washable nappies and bottles made up and DH was away and I regularly got put of the house by 8.
Well aren’t you bloody marvellous?? Angry
You have NO idea what issues people are dealing with!!!

Leaving the thread now before I lose the will....

ooooohbetty · 27/06/2019 15:53

For those saying it's not neglect, if there are other concerns then a high level of lates is added to the list of concerns.

EmeraldShamrock · 27/06/2019 16:13

The main concern is how it effects the DC. If you're late for our school you miss REAP reading for enjoyment and pleasure
It starts 8.50 to 9.10, if you're late every day the DC fall behind. Some kids don't care but it is the ones who get embarrassed I pity.
It is a red flag if there are other issues with the lateness, health issues excluded.

SummerSix · 27/06/2019 16:26

I feel the same way about this too. Also about the kids that are constantly picked up late! Every single day.

Out of 2 years my dd has been at school theres been a hand full of times one of her classmates has been picked up on time and thats only when dad is picking her up. Usually she has to wait by the teacher for 10-15 mins looking for her mum. Her mum is well known for being late EVERYWHERE.

Pinkfinkle · 27/06/2019 16:42

YANBU. Their attendance will likely be affected as a result which is shit, it’s not their fault at all.

There’s one Mum in particular who is late every single day and her DC’s waltz through carrying Greggs bags every single morning Hmm. Yes, I judge. They have time to go to greggs for breakfast but can’t get to school on time?! Plus, obviously Greggs every day, not great.

I have four DC and whilst I’m on mat leave we generally walk to school which is 1.5 miles away so fairly hefty. I’m not always bang on time but never more than 2/3 mins late. Always on time to collect but they stagger finish times and my KS1 child is always one of the last ones out so it may look like I’m late to collect the older ones sometimes, I am not...

Northernsoulgirl45 · 27/06/2019 16:53

Sure it have probably been said but some of these children may have sen and have special arrangements to arrive late.
The child could be a school refuser so it is lovely to 5hink that other parents are judging me after spending ages coaxing dd to get her to school.

Original poster
Shootingstar1115 · 27/06/2019 17:23

Thanks all. As I’ve mentioned a few times. Both DC have additional needs (autism amongst other issues) and I have full understanding of how hard it can be and how this can make a child late (Ds leaves the school premises 5 minutes early in the afternoon so he can cope better) but I wasn’t really talking about parents of children with sen.

The parents in my village that are always late do not have DC with additional needs. I know the parents and I know they don’t. I know it’s just because they are unorganised and late up in the morning. One told me she doesn’t wake until 8.20am and that’s why she’s always late...

OP posts:
Northernsoulgirl45 · 27/06/2019 17:43

At out school a few families have an arrangement to come in late.
It would be easy to judge if you don't know.

IamPickleRick · 27/06/2019 17:59

15 minutes early would not help my DM. She is regularly up to 6 hours late and if she doesn’t make it at all she doesn’t even care. I don’t even tell the DC that she is coming because they’ll keep asking me where she is. I don’t even stay home if she says she’s coming because you could spend a lifetime waiting for her to arrive and miss your own life.

“Wait for me at the park, I’ll be there in 5”
Nope, that’s more like 2 hours
“I’ll pick DS up from school today”
Nope that’s more like I’ll call you to pick him up yourself, 5 mins afer he’s supposed to be coming out, to say that I haven’t left yet
“I’ll be at yours by 2”
That’s anytime between 4-10 then, wait in and waste the day

Walking to school myself was the first positive action I ever took against this. It ate me up as a child, I still feel huge and totally irrational anxiety that the children will be taken away from me if I am consistently late.

LightsInOtherPeoplesHouses · 27/06/2019 19:12

DS was late almost every day in reception, because he absolutely hated going to school and I either had to carry him screaming, crying and wriggling or leave slightly late, avoid mixing with the other children and he'd walk with maybe a few tears, but no screaming.

The slightly late was a whole lot less stressful and we ended up getting the school to agree to it.

Year 1 and he was fine going, usually on time. But that first year was so distressing and I'm so glad the school were supportive.

Underhiseye2 · 27/06/2019 19:15

yanbu. If they can make it to school everyday at 9am, they can make it to school every day at 8:45am. That's a LOT of missed classroom time over the course of the year.

Soubriquet · 27/06/2019 19:23

I see the same mother and child walking to the school when the bell has already gone and I’m halfway home.

School starts at 8.55. I usually see her anytime between 9 and 9.15 walking her child to school.

At the beginning of the year, I assumed she was a new reception intake child and had staggered starts...but no. She’s at least a year two child

There may be a reason though so I don’t judge. Just wonder really

Yabbers · 27/06/2019 19:26

My children have additional needs. DS has autism and DD has suspected autism, hypermobility and low muscle tone which affects her walking and balance but we still manage to get to school on time. I’m not bigging myself up here btw. I’m just fortunate that we live a short walk away from the school.

Well done you. It can take anywhere between 5 minutes and an hour to get DDs legs working and put her AFOs on. If I allowed for the longest time it takes, I’d have to get her up an hour early. If we do that, she’s then knackered by the time we’d be going to school, wiped out by lunch time.

Just because you deal with ASN, doesn’t mean everybody with ASN could manage to do what you do.

UndertheCedartree · 27/06/2019 19:38

It is hard on the child, I think. Unfortunately sometimes a parent may fall into a chaotic after school routine and struggle to get dinner, bath and bed done on time. Then it is difficult in the morning as the child is tired and if the parent struggles to get out of bed too - it must be very hard. I think the child and parent in this scenario could definitely do with some support.

My daughter hates being late but has only been late a couple of times luckily. We aim to get to school when the playground opens at 8.40 but we have til 8.50 when they should be in. The gate they go through to go in to school actually stays open til about 8.55 after that they have to go to the office.