To not want to change tampons etc in front of my kids?

[cadburyegg]

I’m pretty chilled for the most part but my periods have recently returned (had 2 years without them due to pregnancy/miscarriage/pregnancy/breastfeeding). And I’m suddenly finding the prospect of changing tampons etc, embarrassing and uncomfortable, in front of DS1 who is now 4.

I don’t know if it’s because he’s a boy but I really don’t want him, as a teenager/adult, remembering his mother on her period!

How do I get around this? At home it’s easy enough to do my business without an audience, but in a public toilet not so much.

AIBU? Surely there are many women with this problem?!

There are some things that need to stay private and this is one of them.

Stand him outside.

avamiah
Really? Who decided that, you or her?

Dd is almost 11. She decides if she wants to be naked in front of her dad or not. For now, she’s fine most of the time and sometimes not. He acts accordingly.

Just out of genuine interest, would the ladies on here be happy to shit/change sanitary products in front of their teenage children or their parents? If not, why not?
As I say dd is almost 11. No issue right now. Why would there be in future unless she did? I don’t deliberately do it but don’t send her away. Dh has never wanted to do it in front of her. No longer have periods but did so until a year ago. Would not do in front of my mother as we don’t have that kind of relationship. I want a different sort of relationship with my dd from mine with my parents.

To add to that, I do think there is a big difference between sanitary towels and tampax. I wouldn’t have wanted to change the latter in front of her as she would have found that potentially traumatising - knowing her personality.

As I say dd is almost 11. No issue right now. Why would there be in future unless she did? I don’t deliberately do it but don’t send her away. Dh has never wanted to do it in front of her. No longer have periods but did so until a year ago

My parents were liberal types. My mother would change her sanpro if I was there and they'd both leave the door open if they were going to the toilet. I found both these things absolutely revolting, however I never felt able to tell them that. It's just vile. Fair enough if you're out with your toddler and need the loo, it may be unavoidable, but older children...it's just grim.

@cadburyegg
A toddler of 2 or 3 would have to be VERY tall and strong to open the door of a store toilet and there are usually 2 doors- one into the 'Ladies' and another inside that into the room with the loos.

The handles are far too high for a toddler to reach and the doors are weighted, so heavy as well.
Highly unlikely child that age would 'bugger off'.

@User8888888
^^The above message was for you!

I found both these things absolutely revolting, however I never felt able to tell them that. It's just vile

I also had very liberal 70s parents, so I know exactly what you mean!

I wouldn’t want to be in a tiny cubicle with someone else changing their tampon, so why would I inflict that on anyone else? Why should a child have to put up with it? If you’re comfortable using the loo or changing sanpro with an audience well good for you, but your audience may not like it.

To the posters advocating Mooncup - what?! That is, in literally no way, going to help OP in the scenario she describes.

If she is in a public restroom with her child, the steps for removal and insertion are the same, except with the added step of stumbling half naked to the sink to pour the blood out, or having to pull up pants, walk out of the stall, pour the blood down the public sink, then go back in to the stall to reinsert?

Like come on now. Maybe she will be lucky enough to not need to empty regularly but that's not always the case. Instead of obsessively pushing mooncup every single time you hear someone say tampon, maybe think about what the OP is actually asking.

Unless you pour down the toilet but again - same scenario to the one OP is wanting to avoid.

JinglingHellsBells That’s a very specific type of toilet set-up. There are plenty of times I’ve been out where my 2 year old could open the doors. Not everywhere has the heavy double door system.
At the moment with a 3 year old and a baby, I’m more likely to use a disabled loo so I can get both in easily with me. I’m not going to search for a particular type of public toilet to avoid my 3 year old see me change a tampon. I wouldn’t go out of my way to show her but I am genuinely amazed that people wouldn’t take a 2 year old into the cubicle. I have never seen a toddler on their own in a public toilet.

I used to make DS stand outside the cubicle with his foot under the door. He also used to sing just so I knew he was still there

OMG, why on earth would you do this?!! Can’t you just wear pads whilst you’re out with him, they are far more discreet to change.

Or get a coil.

formerbabe
My dd has pretty much always had a choice to leave the room. Due to my being disabled I don’t go out much so dd only ever needed to be in the room the odd time with me if we were at the cinema etc and I pretty much didn’t go out during menstruation unless to a friends house.

Dd didn’t like the blood from my the sanitary towels but at the end of the day she was choosing to be around me and followed me everywhere for years. The pads were wrapped and disposed of in the bathroom bin as soon as I removed them so she was making a choice to see them. She would have found being forced to stay outside the room more triggering tbh.

Get some thinxx pants they hold 3 tampons worth of blood and they do not leak or smell! They’re amazing and comfy. Changed my life

I remember seeing my mum do it as a small child and it disturbed me. So no, YANBU.

I think there's a difference between private and shameful and that we can teach our children not to be ashamed of something without actively doing it in front of them. For example, masturbation, sex, self examination of the vulva...

I remember seeing my mum do it as a small child and it disturbed me. So no, YANBU.

But I'm guessing you didn't say anything?

People on here seem to think that because their kids don't kick off, they're fine with seeing their mum pull out a blood soaked tampon and then push something inside themselves. Yet they've no idea how their kids are really thinking.

My mum, relatively recently boasted to someone in my hearing about something she did when I was a child. I couldn't help myself, and interrupted with "Yes, and I hated it"

What? My kids know what a period is and know they are mums pads and tampons. They don’t bat an eyelid if I change one in front of them and neither do I. They are 6 and 4

Yet they've no idea how their kids are really thinking.

Yes, exactly.

Glad my DM never saw fit to do this in front of me.

It's never even occurred to me to figure out how to get around this. DS is 10 and has never had cause to see me change sanpro.

Neither has DD.

We've still managed to have perfectly ordinary conversations about periods without them having a front row demo.

I wonder if Prince Charles watched his mum change her tampons..

No, because the Queen is respectable..

Yet they've no idea how their kids are really thinking

Yep, exactly. Must be a revolting thing to watch.

There seems to be a theme on this thread.

All the mothers who do it say ‘I do/did this, my kids aren’t bothered at all.’

And the kids who remember their mothers doing it say ‘my mum did this, I hated it but didn’t feel I could say anything.’

Possibly worth reflecting on.

Yes assuming the child is not batting an eyelid but not knowing that the child is hating every second....