Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to change tampons etc in front of my kids?

206 replies

cadburyegg · 25/06/2019 23:11

I’m pretty chilled for the most part but my periods have recently returned (had 2 years without them due to pregnancy/miscarriage/pregnancy/breastfeeding). And I’m suddenly finding the prospect of changing tampons etc, embarrassing and uncomfortable, in front of DS1 who is now 4.

I don’t know if it’s because he’s a boy but I really don’t want him, as a teenager/adult, remembering his mother on her period!

How do I get around this? At home it’s easy enough to do my business without an audience, but in a public toilet not so much.

AIBU? Surely there are many women with this problem?!

OP posts:
LarryGreysonsDoor · 26/06/2019 09:53

That isn't to say that the OP is a troll, but there are some people who get off on this kind of conversation and this would be just the place to start something like this.

Magpiefeather · 26/06/2019 09:55

I have many a time changed a tampon in front of my 2 year old DD, without her realising. I talk or sing with her as a bit of a distraction and use a bit of loo roll to “catch” the used tampon coming out so she doesn’t see the blood etc. And just discretely shield putting the new one in.

I am lucky that since she was born my periods are quite light.

My reasons for shielding are:

  • I don’t think she’s quite old enough to understand yet were I to explain
  • she’s obsessed with her genitals as lots of 2 yr olds are and I don’t want to give her ideas that anything can go up there!

Also agree with PPs that wanting privacy for this does not make you a prude, nor does it necessarily make periods mysterious or shameful.

DogbertDogglesworth · 26/06/2019 10:02

I can honestly say that i never saw my mum change her sanitary wear.
I have changed mine in front of the kids if its been absolutely necessary, for example if i've had to change it in a public loo when out and about.
True, but funny story.
When my son was around 2.5 years old, i had taken him to the park where we couldn't make it to the loo in time and he poo'd his pants.
While cleaning him up in the loo, i decided to have a wee before we set off home.
I was on my period and was wearing a pad.
My son looked, then looked at me and said in a serious voice 'mummy have you poo'd your pants too?'
Glad i was sat on the loo at the time because i literally did wet myself laughing Grin

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 26/06/2019 10:02

My son has seen me hundreds of times. I actually think it's a good thing for it to be made a totally normal everyday part of life with no embarrassment. I want my son to grow up to be the kind of man who pops out to the shop to pick his wife or daughters some tampons up.
I've explained to my boy from very early on about the menstrual cycle and bodily functions: he is 7 and knows the basics of Sex Ed (minus the actual PIV bit because that can be addressed later)

Try not to be embarrassed. Normalise it.

BertrandRussell · 26/06/2019 10:05

“Try not to be embarrassed. Normalise it.”

So if your son wants privacy to pee, you’d say “Oh, don’t be embarrassed-it’s perfectly normal”?

ifonly4 · 26/06/2019 10:10

Actually my DD used to get upset seeing this red thing coming out of me, so I used to avoid it, so I stopped at an early age. Also, does your DH watch you take your tampon out? If not, why let your DS

Sparklingbrook · 26/06/2019 10:20

I have two DSs that are now late teens. They have never seen me wee, poo, or change a tampon, and yet know all about periods.
Some things are not spectator sports or learning opportunities.

fussychica · 26/06/2019 10:22

What sparklingbrook said.

noonarna · 26/06/2019 10:25

*Perhaps if he remembers his mother on her period he'll see it as the normal part of life it is and not perpetuate the attitude that it's disgusting or shameful that still seems so very common.

If you're happy to use the loo in front of them, no reason not to be happy to change your towel/tampon. It can be explained in a simple and accurate way as the ordinary bodily process it is.*

I second this. You can always say 'turn around and give me some privacy' but no need to hide it. Maybe one day he'll have a girlfriend/wife and his understanding will really help.

JinglingHellsBells · 26/06/2019 10:25

@JacquesHammer
Not it's not naive to ask about how often the OP needs to change a tampon! I know all women are different but if someone can't get through 2-3 hours without needing to change, they need to seek medical help as that is a heavy period.

I think all of this talk about periods not being shameful is misplaced.

This is not about whether something is 'natural'. it's about personal privacy. yes, the Romans all sat on a communal loo and crapped and wiped their arses, but most of us now prefer some privacy for bodily functions.

Anothertempusername · 26/06/2019 10:25

@Sparklingbrook what did you do when they were tiny newborns? Genuine question.

BirthdayDreamer · 26/06/2019 10:26

What are the chances of being in a public toilet, whilst on your period, with your DS1 in tow though? Can't be that many times to worry about. I would ask him to just turn away for a moment. (shrugs). I don't really get the big deal about this.

JacquesHammer · 26/06/2019 10:27

Not it's not naive to ask about how often the OP needs to change a tampon! I know all women are different but if someone can't get through 2-3 hours without needing to change, they need to seek medical help as that is a heavy period

With respect that is, again, naive. The lack of help for anything to do with women's reproductive health is atrocious. It really isn't as easy as "seek help".

I would have love to have gone 2-3 hours. I was changing roughly every 30 minutes on my heaviest days. It took FOUR years to actually get any semblance of help despite me pushing and pushing.

polkadotpixie · 26/06/2019 10:28

My Mum always used to change her tampon in front of me and I'm not scarred 😂

Admittedly these were the days when flushing them was the done thing but I never saw any blood and I don't remember being distressed by it, it was just something that happened sometimes

I don't have this issue atm as DS is only 9 months old but I think I would unless it upset him

Beautiful3 · 26/06/2019 10:29

I don't hide mine away. Both my kids have seen me change unintentionally. They understand about periods and why women have them. It's just unused eggs that didn't make a baby. I think if you make it a big deal..then it will be. Just explain what it is and that it doesn't hurt. But you have to replace your tampon/towel to keep your clothes clean. Don't forget to tell them that it's only for a few days (like I did)...Otherwise they'll wonder if you bleed every day!

MadamMMA · 26/06/2019 10:30

None of mine have seen me do it but my DS used to take (unused) tampons around with him as they were his 'Mice' and he liked showing the cashier at the supermarket his lovely pets

SausageSimon · 26/06/2019 10:31

My 5 year old has seen me change pads tonnes of times over the years.
I just explained it in a way he'd understand which is that every month my womb collects blood to make a "nest" for a baby incase I get pregnant. If there isn't a baby then it gets rid of the blood and makes another for next time.

He was shocked at the sight of blood the first time he saw it but he doesn't care at all now.

It's as natural as anything else we do in the bathroom and about 50% of the population experience it so I never get why it's a taboo subject

MarthasGinYard · 26/06/2019 10:32

'I have two DSs that are now late teens. They have never seen me wee, poo, or change a tampon, and yet know all about periods.
Some things are not spectator sports or learning opportunities.'

Well said

FrankT · 26/06/2019 10:38

Boys whose mums and sisters are comfortable and open around periods grow up have really positive and healthy views of women as adults. We need more of them. Please change your tampons in front of your sons.

rachelfrost · 26/06/2019 10:39

I just told my kids what was going on- women get periods, it’s blood but not a hurt and this is a pad that stops the blood going on clothes. It’s not that exciting, they weren’t interested.

Op doesn’t feel comfortable with them witnessing something so mundane which is a whole other issue. But it’s probably best to tell kids about periods when they’re young and don’t care rather than save it up as a surprise when they’re adolescents and freaked out by everything.

Lycanthropology · 26/06/2019 10:50

Jeez, children can learn that periods are normal and natural without anyone having to watch people changing tampons.
Quite apart from the fact that Some of us don’t want anyone watching me do that, child or not (I had 5 children and managed to avoid it), it’s probably not too nice for some children either.
The comparison with sex is, I think, valid. Not because changing sanitary products is a sexual thing, but because whilst it’s natural and normal, it’s still an intimate procedure and most of us would like privacy whilst we do it.

The point is, OP WANTS privacy to do this. It’s her choice. I really hate reading on here criticism of people who want privacy, who don’t want unisex changing rooms or toilets, prefer female HCPs for intimate procedures etc.

AlaskanOilBaron · 26/06/2019 10:53

Boys whose mums and sisters are comfortable and open around periods grow up have really positive and healthy views of women as adults. We need more of them. Please change your tampons in front of your sons.

Good grief woman. Absolutely not.

AlaskanOilBaron · 26/06/2019 10:55

My son has seen me hundreds of times. I actually think it's a good thing for it to be made a totally normal everyday part of life with no embarrassment. I want my son to grow up to be the kind of man who pops out to the shop to pick his wife or daughters some tampons up.

There's no need for my sons to see my change my tampon in order for them to buy them with ease as adults.

Seriously shocked at some of these responses.

Sparklingbrook · 26/06/2019 10:59

Anothertempusername I put them in their cot/moses basket.

ChihuahuaMummy1 · 26/06/2019 11:01

I thought I was being very discreet until my ds 5 made a reference to me putting something up my bum Blush