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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to change tampons etc in front of my kids?

206 replies

cadburyegg · 25/06/2019 23:11

I’m pretty chilled for the most part but my periods have recently returned (had 2 years without them due to pregnancy/miscarriage/pregnancy/breastfeeding). And I’m suddenly finding the prospect of changing tampons etc, embarrassing and uncomfortable, in front of DS1 who is now 4.

I don’t know if it’s because he’s a boy but I really don’t want him, as a teenager/adult, remembering his mother on her period!

How do I get around this? At home it’s easy enough to do my business without an audience, but in a public toilet not so much.

AIBU? Surely there are many women with this problem?!

OP posts:

PetrichorRain · 26/06/2019 11:01

I don't like DS(4.5) to be in the bathroom if I'm having a poo, or if I'm changing sanpro. I just tell him I want some privacy. When he was smaller, it didn't bother me because he wasn't paying much attention.

JacquesHammer · 26/06/2019 11:02

The point is, OP WANTS privacy to do this. It’s her choice. I really hate reading on here criticism of people who want privacy, who don’t want unisex changing rooms or toilets, prefer female HCPs for intimate procedures etc

Absolutely - but neither should criticism of faux shock be levied at parents who choose to do the opposite!

Sparklingbrook · 26/06/2019 11:02

Boys whose mums and sisters are comfortable and open around periods grow up have really positive and healthy views of women as adults. We need more of them. Please change your tampons in front of your sons.

They are 17 and 19, but I could ask them. They will probably turn down the offer though.

Bobbins1 · 26/06/2019 11:09

@letsgooutstiiiiiiide love the Beatrix potter comment - I would much rather my DC watched me with a period than explain about Jemima

JinglingHellsBells · 26/06/2019 11:12

@ChesterDrawsDoesntExist

I'd want my daughter to be organised enough to have them in the house already or have ordered them via an online shop.

Why should you be encouraging women to rely on men to buy their sanpro?

Some frankly barmy responses here that seem divorced from the real world.

Boys can learn about periods without having their barmy mothers whipping tampons in and out in front of them from the moment they are born.

What on earth is that all about?

There is answering questions as and when they are asked and there if shoving too much info in your child's face when not needed.

JacquesHammer · 26/06/2019 11:18

I'd want my daughter to be organised enough to have them in the house already or have ordered them via an online shop

Arf

harper30 · 26/06/2019 11:24

@Sparklingbrook 😂😂😂

Like others have said, get a mooncup, they're much more comfortable in my opinion as I found tampons irritate me. Then you don't have to empty it all the time and you can just empty it when you don't have DS with you. Surely most days you manage to go to the toilet alone? My DD is 12 months and I manage to go to the loo all day without her being with me most of the time?

But if it's unavoidable and you have to change your tampon with him in a public loo with you, it's not going to kill him is it, just explain roughly what periods are if he asks, he might not even notice tbf. Seems a weird one to get particularly worried about.

StoppinBy · 26/06/2019 11:26

My daughter was about 3 when she embarrassed the crud out of me when she noticed my pad and shouted out 'Mum, you did poo, poo in your pants' haha. I would just ask him to turn around.

I have moved on to a menstrual cup and would not change that in front of my kids but if you have a pad on and they come in there's not a lot you can do to stop them seeing it every now and again.

Ha @ the pp who is boasting about Beatrix Potter, all the old nursery rhymes are terrible.... babies falling from tall trees, lambs losing their tails, red riding hood being eaten by a fox etc.

MarthasGinYard · 26/06/2019 11:26

Spark

Buddytheelf85 · 26/06/2019 11:32

And there are also a look of fucked up men who get their jollies by reading stories about women using tampons, especially where children are involved.
If you don't believe me then it must be nice to be as innocent as you are.

Yep. Other warning signs include threads started late at night that the OP doesn’t return to...

Anothertempusername · 26/06/2019 11:47

@Sparklingbrook so you never once had to take your child into the bathroom to wee / poo / shower / change a maternity pad?

Ok then.

Original poster

cadburyegg · 26/06/2019 11:56

Interesting replies so far. Thanks.

This post is genuine, you can search my previous posts if you feel so inclined. I posted before I went to sleep and have been busy with work/kids this morning. Like most users of this site.

No it’s not that frequent an occurrence but I do take the boys out by myself for the whole day fairly often. I usually need to use public toilets at least a few times in that period.

OP posts:

JinglingHellsBells · 26/06/2019 11:57

@JacquesHammer

Some women here seen to live in an alternative universe.

Why it would take 4 years to receive treatment for heavy periods means the woman must have had a crap GP or not been assertive in asking for help. Most GPs are very happy indeed to offer a Mirena coil or ablation, or drugs.

As for laughing at women not buying their own sanpro- I've never ever in my life of having periods (for over 40 years) had to ask a man to buy me san pro. If you are a woman who has periods, you buy them. If you don't, you're disorganised.

AlaskanOilBaron · 26/06/2019 11:58

They are 17 and 19, but I could ask them. They will probably turn down the offer though

This did make me laugh. Mine are 13 and 17, I think they'd pass as well.

JinglingHellsBells · 26/06/2019 11:59

but I do take the boys out by myself for the whole day fairly often. I usually need to use public toilets at least a few times in that period.

If you have TWO boys and the younger one is aged 2, the older boy can surely look after the younger child? (Unless your older boy is too old to go into a women's toilet, in which case he can look after the two year old outside the doors.)

JinglingHellsBells · 26/06/2019 11:59

sorry the younger one is four. So why can't your older child look after him?

stucknoue · 26/06/2019 12:02

At 4 he can wait outside the cubicle unless he has sn. Ok I have 2 girls but it's just not an issue they go to the toilet alone at that age, he must do at nursery.

Bloomburger · 26/06/2019 12:02

Perhaps if he remembers his mother on her period he'll see it as the normal part of life it is and not perpetuate the attitude that it's disgusting or shameful that still seems so very common.

^ this

needsomesleepy · 26/06/2019 12:10

Don't be fucking ridiculous.

Teaching children to be comfortable and open about things is perfectly possible without demonstration.

I brought mine up to have positive and healthy views about sex - not once did I jump on their father and shag him in front of them.

BertrandRussell · 26/06/2019 12:13

“Perhaps if he remembers his mother on her period he'll see it as the normal part of life it is and not perpetuate the attitude that it's disgusting or shameful that still seems so very common.“

Perhaps if he understands that both men and women have the right to privacy and not to be looked at if they don’t want to be, he will grow up understanding about consent and bodily autonomy. Oh, and that women and girls are not around solely for the purposes of civilising/training/educating men and boys.

needsomesleepy · 26/06/2019 12:14

@BertrandRussell

Brilliant post.

Zebedee88 · 26/06/2019 12:17

I'm a live in nanny, been with the family for 10 years and whilst I dont change a tampon in front of the children , if I need to change a pad then I will. The girls and boy know about periods and I think its important, especially for boys. If they grow up with yhen surely it will make it normal and they'll treat it normally if they have a girlfriend ,later on. I've had some boyfriends where I cant even mention the word period. Makes it into such a taboo thing.

WellErrr · 26/06/2019 12:21

I have two DSs that are now late teens.
They have never seen me wee, poo, or change a tampon, and yet know all about periods.
Some things are not spectator sports or learning opportunities.

This.

The world has gone mad. Tell your child to stand outside the door with their feet poking under it, or just turn round in the cubicle.

You are entitled to privacy. You are entitled to not have an audience whilst you change your tampon. You do not need to set aside your dignity to provide weird ‘life lessons’ for your child.

Ye gads.

WellErrr · 26/06/2019 12:22

I've had some boyfriends where I cant even mention the word period. Makes it into such a taboo thing.

Maybe they had to watch their mum pull long bloodied objects out of her vagina and were subsequently traumatised? I’m sure I would have been!

DrinkSangriaInThePark · 26/06/2019 12:24

Managed to get through 40 years of fertility without changing a tampon in front of my children. Odd.

^ This

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