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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to change tampons etc in front of my kids?

206 replies

cadburyegg · 25/06/2019 23:11

I’m pretty chilled for the most part but my periods have recently returned (had 2 years without them due to pregnancy/miscarriage/pregnancy/breastfeeding). And I’m suddenly finding the prospect of changing tampons etc, embarrassing and uncomfortable, in front of DS1 who is now 4.

I don’t know if it’s because he’s a boy but I really don’t want him, as a teenager/adult, remembering his mother on her period!

How do I get around this? At home it’s easy enough to do my business without an audience, but in a public toilet not so much.

AIBU? Surely there are many women with this problem?!

OP posts:

ceebeejeebies · 26/06/2019 07:22

Tell him to turn around until you say but make sure he doesn't mess with the lock because then it will be more than just your ds with a view!
Mine always try to open the door if I take them in the cubicle

Happyspud · 26/06/2019 07:25

I never bring mine into the loo with me beyond non-communicating toddler.

VivienneHolt · 26/06/2019 07:27

Hmmm another tampon thread?

Yeah, because it’s just sooooo incomprehensible that on a site with thousands of female users, most of them having periods every month, there might be a few threads about tampons now and then

OP you absolutely don’t have to change your tampon in front of your kids. You’re still entitled to bodily privacy. That doesn’t change just because you’re a mother.

I really recommend period pants for a totally mess-free solution to this, but if you want to stick to tampons I would just give your son your phone for a few minutes to distract him while you change.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/06/2019 07:28

The obvious answer if you are concerned your ds will be upset / traumatised would be to use sanitary towels. They’re stuck to your underwear and brush off with it’s something, that happens to some ladies / women.

AmeriAnn
Glad I don’t have a rod up my arse. My dd has no issue with seeing me poo. Having sex is completely different.

I could also see why removing a tampon could be traumatic. Especially for a girl. My dd was adamant when younger she was never going to have periods. At almost 11 she’s of course accepting of reality. And knows it’s normal and messy.

Damntheman · 26/06/2019 07:43

It's hardly traumatising for a child to understand what periods are, why mummy bleeds every so often and that it's normal. It'll also set them up to be supportive partners in the future if they should end up in a relationship with a woman who gets periods, not to mention a supportive friend to girls instead of the kind of man who is too squeamish to buy tampons at the shop.

Normalising periods is a positive thing. Or.. you know, ask him to turn around if you absolutely can't avoid having him in the bathroom with you.

longwayoff · 26/06/2019 07:50

Managed to get through 40 years of fertility without changing a tampon in front of my children. Odd.

Iggly · 26/06/2019 07:51

I managed to avoid it because I hated it when my mum changed pads in front of me. Yes I’m sure she did it so these things weren’t embarrassing but I found the smell rank. Still sticks with me now.

BertrandRussell · 26/06/2019 07:54

“I think I called tampons ‘private ladies things’. How do the ‘turn around’ brigade explain the sanitary bin?!”
Loving the fact that you’re totally open and fine about changing tampons in front of your child, but call them “private ladies things”!

Onescaredmuma · 26/06/2019 08:08

I've never hidden it but I use pads. My older girls asked about the blood I explained it doesn't hurt its mummy's body making a nest for a baby out of the only material it has. Then as there is no baby my body gets rid of the nest. I've told them it's not something they have to Worry about for a long time (6&4) they're happy with the explanation hopefully will realise its normal when it's time for theirs. I grew up in a house periods were to be embarrassed by I still remember my mam shouting it me for ages because I'd bled through my pyjamas and my brother might see.

QueenofmyPrinces · 26/06/2019 08:11

My 5 year old son knows about periods (age appropriate information obviously) but I've managed to teach him about that without the need to change a tampon in front of him.

And I know it probably sounds odd but I would actually worry that if I did do it and he mentioned it at school there would be repercussions.

My son has always called his penis a penis from as young as when he started learning what his body parts were (maybe at 2.5-3 years old) and he's never used any other word for it. However, last week he came home from school and started referring to it as "his winky". I told him that it wasn't a winky, it's a penis, which he knows, and he told me that at school he'd been told by the teacher that "winky" was a better word to use when they were so little. I was so angry and I did speak to the teacher and she'd said that she felt using penis was inappropriate as the other children might start saying it and their parents may not be happy with that.

I dread to think the uproar that would be caused if my son innocently ever passed a comment at school about how he'd seen his mother change a tampon.

Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable about doing it anyway because it is a private and intimate thing and it's not something I feel a young child should be seeing really.

A few years ago I would take him with me to my smear tests but I would never do it now. I can't exactly put my finger on it but somethings are just private and not something our children need to see.

We can normalise things for children without them having to physically see it happening.

I'm thinking back to my childhood and the thought of my mother, or anyone, changing a sanitary product in front of me, makes me grimace a little.

Ragwort · 26/06/2019 08:13

I have never used the loo, changed a tampon or done anything remotely ‘intimate’ in front of my DS. Just set boundaries, if you never allow your baby/toddler to follow you to the loo then they will learn. I think half the mothers saying they can’t go to the toilet in peace secretly like being 100% available to their child, just close/lock the door. And at 4 surely the child waits outside the toilet even in a public loo. Stop being a martyr .

codemonkey · 26/06/2019 08:13

No wonder men are fucked up about women and ignorant of their perfectly natural biological processes if their mothers give them the impression that periods are traumatising.

codemonkey · 26/06/2019 08:15

dread to think the uproar that would be caused if my son innocently ever passed a comment at school about how he'd seen his mother change a tampon

Allow me to help. There would be no uproar.

Iggly · 26/06/2019 08:15

@QueenofmyPrinces

We are similar. My dcs also know about sex, but I’m not showing them 🤢

My ds never needs to see me change a tampon, it’s not something he is likely to be doing. My dd - we talk about it and she had loads of questions but there was no need to let her see.

needsomesleepy · 26/06/2019 08:16

How do I get around this?

Tell your DC to turn round. It's not even difficult.

Iggly · 26/06/2019 08:16

No wonder men are fucked up about women and ignorant of their perfectly natural biological processes if their mothers give them the impression that periods are traumatising

?? How is not having your dcs there when you’re changing sanitary towels/tampons indicating that periods are traumatising

My 9 year old boy knows more about periods than some of the girls in his class!!

He just hasn’t seen me change anything.

QueenofmyPrinces · 26/06/2019 08:18

dread to think the uproar that would be caused if my son innocently ever passed a comment at school about how he'd seen his mother change a tampon

Allow me to help. There would be no uproar.

I'm pretty sure that if the school aren't happy with my son using the word penis and telling him not to use it, then they'd also have a big problem with him talking about periods and tampons.

needsomesleepy · 26/06/2019 08:19

No wonder men are fucked up about women and ignorant of their perfectly natural biological processes if their mothers give them the impression that periods are traumatising.

I have never changed my tampon in front of any of my DC. They didn't grow up to think periods were traumatising.

Vulpine · 26/06/2019 08:22

None of my kids have seen me change a tampon in all my years of child rearing

DugHug · 26/06/2019 08:25

My son is 18mo and comes to the loo with me regardless of what I’m doing. I don’t see what other option I have? I can’t exactly leave him on his own. When he grows up he won’t even have any memory of it.

SpotlessMind · 26/06/2019 08:28

@HyperStella I tell my son that sanitary bins are for sanitary products. He’s perfectly aware of what periods are, what tampons are and how they work, and why women need a bin in the toilet for them. He doesn’t have to watch me taking a tampon out to understand it, nor does me asking him to step outside or turn around suggest that it’s traumatising or embarrassing - it suggests that sometimes people like privacy for intimate self care, and he’s learning that it is not difficult to respect that and act accordingly. I have no issue with women who are happy to do this in front of their child, but there’s nothing weird about not wanting to. In fact, I’m not sure I’ve removed a tampon in front of anyone else to be honest, it’s a solo activity in my world.

QueenofmyPrinces · 26/06/2019 08:30

I don't really think it's an issue at that age because they're pretty oblivious and don't have the emotional intelligence to really grasp what they're seeing.

It's a different story though when you're doing it in front of 4+ year old children.

I'm pretty sure when my son was 18 months old he saw me changing sanitary products and I had no issue with it, but he's 5 years old now and in my view it's just not appropriate anymore.

BertrandRussell · 26/06/2019 08:31

“He doesn’t have to watch me taking a tampon out to understand it, nor does me asking him to step outside or turn around suggest that it’s traumatising or embarrassing - it suggests that sometimes people like privacy for intimate self care, and he’s learning that it is not difficult to respect that and act accordingly.”
This. Every time this.

Yerroblemom1923 · 26/06/2019 08:35

All those saying you've never taken your child into a bathroom with you...how did you manage when you were at home alone with them when they were say 18months old for example and bumbling about and not safe to be left alone (for any number of reasons! Stairs, plug sockets, etc etc)?

AlaskanOilBaron · 26/06/2019 08:36

Ew. One needs privacy for certain things.

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