Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to change tampons etc in front of my kids?

206 replies

cadburyegg · 25/06/2019 23:11

I’m pretty chilled for the most part but my periods have recently returned (had 2 years without them due to pregnancy/miscarriage/pregnancy/breastfeeding). And I’m suddenly finding the prospect of changing tampons etc, embarrassing and uncomfortable, in front of DS1 who is now 4.

I don’t know if it’s because he’s a boy but I really don’t want him, as a teenager/adult, remembering his mother on her period!

How do I get around this? At home it’s easy enough to do my business without an audience, but in a public toilet not so much.

AIBU? Surely there are many women with this problem?!

OP posts:
Ragwort · 26/06/2019 15:52

Another I have also never needed to take my DC into the toilet or shower/bath with me, when he was a newborn I would put him in his Moses basket, later on he had a playpen & just learned that if the bathroom door was closed it was to respect privacy. It’s not hard to understand, unless you have an exceptionally clingy baby Confused.

He is a teenager now with a girlfriend & has a clear understanding of menstruation without having ever needed a ‘demonstration’.

needsomesleepy · 26/06/2019 15:52

Did their father pee in front of them?

No, why would he?

Does your child know about biology?

Yes, my children (some of which are now young adults) are fully aware of biology. I'm not sure why you think they wouldn't know about biology based on whether their father took a piss in front of them.

JinglingHellsBells · 26/06/2019 16:37

My DCs are now in their 30s. I guess I must have failed miserably as a mum because I never changed a tampon or pad in front of them.

The hang ups they have now are dreadful.

I mean, there's my son, he doesn't even know women have periods and when he finds out he will of course be disgusted by this bodily function.

I guess it's bad parenting all round. My mum never changed hers in front of me. Funny that, isn't it?

noonarna · 26/06/2019 16:47

Did their father pee in front of them?

err.. yes lots.. do people never leave the house with kids on their own?

noonarna · 26/06/2019 16:55

@JinglingHellsBells it's not that we enjoy it or think it's good parenting.. it's just sometimes the child is in the cubicle or toilet with you and you happen to need to change it, so you carry on as normal because it's no big deal. It's not a case of it being a special teachable moment, it's just that life happens and no reason to make a fuss if that situation arises.

Obviously, once kids reach a certain age there's no need for them to be in the cubicle with you. Which is exactly why most people have said they don't do it in front of partner or parents or older children because the situation is extremely unlikely to crop up.

saraclara · 26/06/2019 17:41

@MyInnerAlto

saraclara (sorry, don't mean to pick on you particularly, justr an example), you say you're open and not prudish etc, but then that you would have been 'mortified' - i.e. desperately embarrassed shading into ashamed - to have seen your mother change a tampon. Where did you get the idea that it's 'mortifying'?

I said that I would have been, back then! I can clearly remember regularly having to go in a cubicle with my mum when she had a wee, and I hated it! I thought it was 'ew' in the way kids do!

Despite that trauma (and I really must have hated it to recall it so vividly, when I must have been pretty young back then) I grew up into an adult who was probably more open with my young kids about this stuff than most. I know when I showed and recommended Claire Rayner's body book to my fellow mums of four year olds, they were all horrified!

But though they knew what tampons were by the time they were five, I wouldn't have changed one in front of them.

Anothertempusername · 26/06/2019 19:24

@Sparklingbrook @Ragwort I of course meant that the baby would be in a Moses basket or similar; but you honestly never have ever taken said Moses basket into the shower room / bathroom? I absolutely don't believe you. And my baby isn't clingy at all.

Ragwort · 26/06/2019 20:42

No Another I can honestly promise you that I never took my baby into the shower/bath/toilet. My DS is 18 now and I followed the GF routine (which I know is very unpopular on Mumsnet) but it meant that DS slept regularly so I had plenty of time to ‘plan’ my bath trips, and he was very happy to be left in his cot/playpen when I was doing other things. Maybe I was exceptionally lucky that he was just not a clingy baby (hated cuddles Grin) & 18 years ago there was much less emphasis on never leaving your baby alone, he slept in his own room from 6 weeks. .

JinglingHellsBells · 26/06/2019 21:42

@noonarna it's not that we enjoy it or think it's good parenting.. it's just sometimes the child is in the cubicle or toilet with you and you happen to need to change it, so you carry on as normal because it's no big deal

Some posters are suggesting exposing children to this practise in order to 'educate them' about menstruation.

Well, I've never done it. Same as I've never pooed when I had a child in the toilet with me.

My children were either outside the toilet in a buggy, or standing outside the cubicle. Rarely, I might have a quick wee with one of them in the toilet, but I'd organise myself and them to avoid having to change sanpro with them observing.

If you are talking about babies aged up to 2 years old, fair enough, if you use a parent/baby room and take a buggy in. But older children can wait outside a toilet.

letsgooutstiiiiiiide · 26/06/2019 21:46

@cadburyegg sorry I was mostly thinking about Beatrix Potter when I posted Grin so didn't really think through my reply. If you don't want to do it, don't: at 4 your son can reasonably be asked to turn around and give you privacy, or stand outside the door if the public loo is the sort where you'd feel ok with that. What I was thinking with "just do it" is it honestly probably won't traumatize him for life if he does see what you're doing and you're matter-of-fact about it. I have done it in front of DS as he's 2.5 and curious and terrible at following instructions like "can you turn around and look at that fascinating poster on the door please". But by the time he's 4 I hope I won't be doing anything in front of him.

So much judgement and anecdata on here...!

Sparklingbrook · 26/06/2019 21:58

Anothertempusername

Why would I have wanted to take the moses basket into the loo/bathroom?

WellErrr · 26/06/2019 22:00

Another who has never taken a Moses basket into the bathroom.
But each to their own etc.

user1496146479 · 26/06/2019 22:05

Have never taken baby in Moses basket into bathroom while showering etc! Can't see why you need to?! Confused

Vulpine · 26/06/2019 22:15

Never shat or changed a tampon infront of any of my kids.

ElphabaTheGreen · 26/06/2019 22:33

Two exceptionally clingy babies here who would scream until they vomited if separated from me so they’ve been in the loo hundreds of times with me - either in a bouncer when tiny or DS2 would sometimes only nap in the sling as a baby so if I needed the loo while he was asleep, well, I had to go with him on me. Those of you who have had the luxury of never having had to have ‘visitors’ while on the loo, please realise how lucky you have been. DS1 still constantly tries to barge in on me, but I always lock the door now they’re past toddler stage and give a firm reminder through the door about respecting my privacy now that they’re old enough to not do something daft or think I’ve imploded if out of sight for five minutes.

Both of mine have also seen me changing bloody pads and mooncups (a lot harder to be discrete with these than tampons - it’s like amateur gynaecology and messy as hell so I’m not sure why people are suggesting them as a means of sparing your children’s blushes!) because I may as well ask the dog to stay facing a wall as very, very curious DS1. He’s now seven and is finally understanding my need for privacy BUT he also understands the whys and wherefores of periods because of his perfectly reasonable and distinctly un-traumatised questions when he’s seen me changing. There is no way I could leave DS2 (4yo) outside a cubicle. He wouldn’t stay, so I have to lock him in with me, so he’s seen pads/cup changes as well and is also asking healthy, reasonable questions about the process as well and does not appear in any way upset.

FWIW, I also saw my DM change tampons hundreds of times and I was never in the least traumatised. She sat with me as I learned to use them myself to explain angling, insertion etc. This would have been very awkward, and a lot harder to learn to use tampons, if she’d kept the entire process hidden from me.

Lycanthropology · 26/06/2019 22:39

Another here who's never changed a tampon or had a poo with a child present. Nor have I ever taken a Moses basket, bouncer etc. into the bathroom with me when I've had a bath/shower. And I have 5 DC.

EdWinchester · 26/06/2019 22:44

I always did it in front of my boys when they were small. No-one batted an eyelid.

user1496146479 · 26/06/2019 23:44

I've had older dc come visit in the bathroom, but never 'had' to bring baby in bouncer etc in... have 4 dc, two of which were clingy babies!

Anothertempusername · 27/06/2019 00:01

Well I never. There's no way I would have been able to do a wee / poo / wash with a newborn unless they were in the room sometimes. I've been known to have a wee with DS asleep on my chest. Quite a contortion. Those who haven't / scorn the idea of having to take a baby into your "personal space"; count yourselves very lucky! It's either luck, bullshit or you don't wash, or eat or drink & therefore avoid all excretions.

End of thread derail.

StoppinBy · 27/06/2019 03:00

I used to take my daughter's play mat in to the bathroom all the time when I showered when she was little. We always shower 'as a family' (I can see that looks weird now I wrote it down haha), usually DH gets in, starts washing, kids get in, get washed, DH gets out, I get in, wash DD's hair, DH who is dried now gets the kids out and then I get washed.

I find it really interesting that people think showering/bathing with their kids is a problem, it just makes life easier in my book.

avamiah · 27/06/2019 03:20

StoppinBy,
It really depends on their age in my opinion .
My daughter is 9 years old and she always gets a bath and hair wash after school.If I am not home then her dad will wash her hair but she always puts her swim suit on while her dad washes her hair in the bath.This is normal practice since she was 7 as she is a growing girl and not a baby anymore .

Bluerussian · 27/06/2019 03:27

StoppinBy: I find it really interesting that people think showering/bathing with their kids is a problem, it just makes life easier in my book.

I didn't know anyone had a problem with it. I always did it with mine. There comes a time when children want to bathe privately which is quite natural but up until then, a 'family bath' is the norm.

avamiah · 27/06/2019 03:38

Bluerussian,
Yes, totally agree with you.

Sparklingbrook · 27/06/2019 05:57

I don't know why you are so desperate to call us liars Anothertempusername it would be a strange thing to lie about. Confused

User8888888 · 27/06/2019 06:16

I’m more shocked by the posters who think it’s fine for 2-3 year olds to wait on their own outside the toilet when out and about. I’d far rather change a tampon in front of my 3 year old than risk her buggering off somewhere. Even the most sensible children at that age are unpredictable.