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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to change tampons etc in front of my kids?

206 replies

cadburyegg · 25/06/2019 23:11

I’m pretty chilled for the most part but my periods have recently returned (had 2 years without them due to pregnancy/miscarriage/pregnancy/breastfeeding). And I’m suddenly finding the prospect of changing tampons etc, embarrassing and uncomfortable, in front of DS1 who is now 4.

I don’t know if it’s because he’s a boy but I really don’t want him, as a teenager/adult, remembering his mother on her period!

How do I get around this? At home it’s easy enough to do my business without an audience, but in a public toilet not so much.

AIBU? Surely there are many women with this problem?!

OP posts:
LimeKiwi · 26/06/2019 12:27

What @NickNacky said.
Two boys here, both bit older now, never had to do this! Confused

MyInnerAlto · 26/06/2019 13:01

'Perhaps if he understands that both men and women have the right to privacy and not to be looked at if they don’t want to be, he will grow up understanding about consent and bodily autonomy. Oh, and that women and girls are not around solely for the purposes of civilising/training/educating men and boys.'

Oh FGS!
I think I said in a PP that nobody's saying it's a must or an essential experience. If you really don't want your child watching, then fine, your call. I don't appreciate the implication that I think women and girls are teaching opportunities for men and boys, and I absolutely don't appreciate the implication that me being fine with changing sanpro in front of my children means I'm not teaching them about consent or bodily autonomy Hmm To paraphrase, there are ways of teaching about privacy and bodily autonomy that don't involve refusing to change sanpro in front of my dc when I'm fine with it. My teen and preteen sons seem perfectly capable of asking for privacy when they want it, and giving it when requested to.

MyInnerAlto · 26/06/2019 13:02

I apologise for the word 'sanpro', btw. Dreadful word, useful shorthand.

JinglingHellsBells · 26/06/2019 13:19

Perhaps if he remembers his mother on her period he'll see it as the normal part of life it is and not perpetuate the attitude that it's disgusting or shameful that still seems so very common.

^^This is bonkers.

I don't know who you mix with, but I've never met any men who thought periods were shameful or disgusting.

Boys and men know women have periods. If they grow up into men who see women as creatures who don't bleed, poo, fart or piss, believe me that is not going to be prevented by seeing a bloody sanitary towel or tampon. It's more about the attitude to women in the home or their culture.

We don't need to literally wave a bloody tampon in their faces when they are toddlers or teenagers to make them aware of periods.

Completely, bloody mad.

Waveysnail · 26/06/2019 13:20

I just asked dc to turn round in public toilets

Waveysnail · 26/06/2019 13:21

And I say mummy needs to change her sanitary stuff as I'm having my period.

Waveysnail · 26/06/2019 13:22

It's about having a little bit of privacy.

Crunchymum · 26/06/2019 13:27

What do you do when you take a shit OP?

Or is it just periods you are interested in??? Shock

changechange · 26/06/2019 13:42

You're all a bit dramatic about a period Confused all this talk of disgust and trauma. It happens to most of us every month.

Howlovely · 26/06/2019 14:14

It seems like a competition in who is the most 'woke' around their children and periods.
It is absolutely not necessary for anyone to have to use the loo or change their sanitary products with an audience if they don't want to. Their children will still learn about it, talk about it and understand it as natural without having to watch their mother change a tampon. They will also perhaps learn to respect the privacy of others and that some things don't need and shouldn't have an audience. There are world-renowned experts in ancient Egypt but none of them witnessed any of it. Does 'period shame' really exist to such an extent that it has become necessary to make periods a family thing that must be experienced by all?
Just out of genuine interest, would the ladies on here be happy to shit/change sanitary products in front of their teenage children or their parents? If not, why not?

JinglingHellsBells · 26/06/2019 14:24

@cadburyegg
You say DS1 - is this your only child?
You have a younger child too?

What happened when your son was younger?
Why is it an issue now?
You had periods when he was 2, so what did you do then? Leave him in a buggy outside the loo?

At 4 he is quite old enough to stand outside the cubicle as long as you choose a safe loo in a store or similar and keep him talking to you.

In my local supermarket I see loads of toddlers standing outside a cubicle when their mum goes into the loo, in the Women's loos.

If a tampon is too fiddly on those occasions, alternate with a pad when you are out.

DinosaursWouldEatYou · 26/06/2019 14:34

What happened to privacy? Not everything needs to be a lesson in life. He's a very young child- ask him to turn around or stand outside the cubicle. Later in his years he'll learn about that sort of stuff but definitely doesn't need too see his mom in action with one...

KnitFastDieWarm · 26/06/2019 14:43

It has honestly never occurred to me to anything other than just get on with it while chatting to my three year old. Occasionally he’ll pass me a new tampon out of the cabinet. It’s a non-issue.

Happyspud · 26/06/2019 14:45

Yeah, I’m very chilled but am happy to have a bit of privacy. For example I want peace and quiet to poo. No kids, no cat staring at me, no audience at all. I really don’t feel the need to share with my children my constipation and post delivery piles info, even though it might help them in the future. I also want to faff about with my vagina and blood on my own. I’m not prudish in the slightest but don’t need to do a show and tell relating to my poo, pee, menstruation, snot, injuries etc.

Hullabaloo31 · 26/06/2019 14:49

I was never bothered when they were really little, then just got them to turn round and/or distracted them when they were a bit bigger, but not big enough to wait outside. Then outside when they're big enough.

HiJuice · 26/06/2019 14:50

If you wouldn't let your teenage children watch you then there's no reason to let a 4 year old.
Boys aren't going to need to be understanding about periods until they are much older, by which time whatever they saw as a 4 year old will have been forgotten anyway (unless you are going to keep letting them watch to reinforce their learning?). So it's a complete waste of time to let toddlers watch you imagining it's going to make them understanding about their future wife's periods. Is there anything else at all that you'd let a 4 year old watch a couple of tiems and then expect them to remember with no further input until years later?
Will a 4 year old whose mum has shown them how to cross a road safely always be safe on roads, even though once they are 5 mum will never show them again?
Better to be open with the toddler in the same way as an adult, only dumb it down slightly for their age. So, don't hide the packets away, explain if you have pain or feel under the weather. They can learn that this is part of life, without needing to know the gory details. Actually men don't particularly need to be understanding about the mechanics of putting in a tampon anyway - it's more about the associated pain/hassle which they are not going to get from watching this.

bratzilla · 26/06/2019 14:50

Just out of genuine interest, would the ladies on here be happy to shit/change sanitary products in front of their teenage children or their parents? If not, why not?

My mum and I have always changed sanitary products/had a wee in front of each other. She’s been very ill the past year and I’ve had to accompany her to toilet/help wash and dress her so it’s just as well there is no awkwardness between us!

noonarna · 26/06/2019 15:13

Just out of genuine interest, would the ladies on here be happy to shit/change sanitary products in front of their teenage children or their parents? If not, why not?

It's a very different situation. The reason we do it in front of small children is for safety, we need them to be in the toilet with us. There are very rarely situations where my teenage children or parents or even my husband would NEED to be in the same toilet or cubicle as me. However, if I needed to change my cup or tampon and they were there with me, I would still do it.

Even better, they wouldn't stare and ask shout embarrassing questions like my little boys used to!!

noonarna · 26/06/2019 15:15

A lot of posters have got the idea that those of us that don't mind are using it as some sort of teaching opportunity and that we enjoy having our little ones there... That is not the case!!!

It's more that if they are there it doesn't bother us and it's not going to cause an issue.

Bluerussian · 26/06/2019 15:22

I don't think it is unreasonable for someone to want privacy in the toilet, for any reason. It is good that kids are aware of periods from an early age, they then think nothing of them but they don't need to see their mother pulling a tampon out and putting another in. If they walk in, that's different and it would be 'coy' to object when kids are small. Most of the time, though, I would have thought you could go to the loo without being interrupted.

placemats · 26/06/2019 15:35

Not all women use tampons.

placemats · 26/06/2019 15:38

not once did I jump on their father and shag him in front of them.

I would hope not.

Did their father pee in front of them?

Does your child know about biology?

Myotherusernameisshy · 26/06/2019 15:39

I have never had to do this, I don’t understand why you would?

placemats · 26/06/2019 15:40

bratzilla Flowers

wishing you both well. xx

Mia1415 · 26/06/2019 15:47

What are the chances of being in a public toilet, whilst on your period, with your DS1 in tow though? Can't be that many times to worry about. I would ask him to just turn away for a moment. (shrugs). I don't really get the big deal about this

Haha I have my period every month funnily enough, and every period I'm in a public toilet at least once with my DS as despite working FT we do go out and about at weekends. He has seen me do this many times (I get him to turn around now he is a bit older).

I find your comment really odd. Don't you think women should go out in public when they have their period or something?

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