I've upset ExHs GF

[WanderYonder]

TL:DR I bought a card for my ex on behalf of our son and it's upset ex's Gf.

Been separated for 3 years, divorce being finalised any day now. He lives with his GF nearly 2 hours away, DC stays with them every other weekend.

In Sainsbury's a couple of weekends ago with DC (7) and he spotted a blank card with a picture on the front that was a play on his dad's name. Hard to explain, but it wouldn't be amusing to anyone not called by Ex's name (and wasn't that funny anyway but, being 7, to DC it was hilarious).

DC asked to get it for his dad, so we did; and he wrote a little message inside and drew a picture. Ex came to collect last Friday for the weekend and DC gave him the card, all giggly. Ex did appropriate laughy reaction, said thank you, told him he'd keep it by his bed with a picture DC had drawn for him recently. Thought no more of it.

This afternoon I've had an email from Ex, which is unusual because usually we communicate via text. Very formal, and says that he would appreciate it if I refrained from purchasing any more cards for him in the future because his GF "finds it a bit inappropriate". I immediately replied and said I hadn't got him anything; the card was from his son. Got back: "Yes but we agreed a couple of years ago that GF would purchase all gifts and cards on DCs behalf for Father's Day, birthdays etc. so I think GF felt that this wasn't quite sticking to that arrangement".

I feel completely 'Wtaf' about this but I'm in a baaaad mood today anyway and I have a habit of instinctively reacting to things and then calming down and realising I might have misread the situation. So, in the spirit of trying to rein myself in just in case this is one of those times, please tell me if iabu? I'd particularly like to hear from anyone who is with someone else's ex. I've never been in that situation and I don't know, maybe this was wrong somehow?! And if I'm not BU to feel about this, what do I respond with?

Have nc'd because I'd rather this wasn't linked with my usual name.

I'd reply/send an extra text with "So just to clarify,DS is not allowed to buy you anything unless you GF supervises him?".

One would hope it would make him think about how bonkers this is.

Another vote that the girlfriend wrote the email, maybe or maybe not with the knowledge of ExH

She is nuts.

Your son is old enough to pick his own cards etc. Why should someone he sees for 52 days a year pick instead of him?

You need to respond tactfully but the underlying message needs to be 'sod off or you'll damage your relationship with your son' and 'PS you live with a bunny boiler'.

’PS you live with a bunny boiler'.

Yep.

It sounds like she's threatened by you, or, your history with your xh.

So stupid really, who'd have their xh back.

If this is 100% YANBU I'll eat my hat WanderYonder.

To agree with everyone else, the GF is pathetic and needs to grow up, your ex is also pathetic and weak to be have entertained her nonsense. The card was chosen for him by his son fgs, that makes it all the more special.

I can see why he's your ex, OP.

That should say if this isn't 100% YANBU...

Firstly I’m not “with someone else’s ex” I’m married to my husband. Unless you’re 10 you can bet you’re someone else’s ex.

That said, this is totally unreasonable of your DCs Dads gf.

My DSD’s mum usually gets a card for DH for Fathers Day depending on which way the wind is blowing I have always got one just in case that one doesn’t materialise and I now get a joint one from DSD and our DC.

She is batshit crazy. It’s not for her to set rules about what your son does for his dad. Tell your ex that you make decisions about your son not his GF.

This is a thread where we could really do with a voting button.

Fucking hell. For Father's Day recently I bought the boyfriend a card and present for his daughter (we went out and picked it together). Then spent all week fretting that I'd overstepped the boundaries and that his ex would be put out. No way would I be bothered by this.

They're being ridiculous.

Tell him you'll charge your son the cost of the card and GF can send you the £1.29 by bank transfer

Enjoy your wine AND your bg safe in the knowledge that it’s definitely them that are out of line

Fucking batshit the pair of them

HER BUYING GIFTS FROM YOUR DS is WEIRD ENOUGH, but hey ho, saves you the bother and expense . But to jump off the deep end over a CARD your SON CHOSE for HIS DAD is utterly fucking mental

Your DS can buy his Dad whatever the fuck he wants without HER PERMISSION.

ID BE WRITING HIM ANOTHER EMAIL JUST TO GET THAT POINT ACROSS LOUD AND CLEAR

Sorry MonkeyTrap, it should have had an 'H' after it. I had fat, angry thumbs.

Thats mental of the girlfriend. Who does she think she is?!

Oh for fucks sake. Does she really expect you to say to a small child, sorry love but I can't buy it for you to give daddy as his girlfriend wants to do all the buying of cards ?? You are his mum and she doesn't get to dictate anything about how you parent your son. Your ex is a prick.

YABU.

Not really

"So just to clarify,DS is not allowed to buy you anything unless you GF supervises him?"

Yup-and he can tell his son!

Get an “In Sympathy” card. Inside write,
“Ex,
So sorry to hear about the loss of your spine. It must comfort you to know it’s now in heaven. With your balls.
(No) Regrets,
WanderYonder”

Tell him you'll charge your son the cost of the card and GF can send you the £1.29 by bank transfer

If he does respond and insist that the card was inappropriate I am absolutely going to suggest she gives me the money via him next time he comes to get the DC.

He and GF are twats!!! I’d go psycho if that happened to my sons!😡I’m pissed off for you!

Do NOT say what RubberTreePlant said. Stupid suggestion.

YANBU they need to both lighten up

Jesus Christ, she's a bit insecure isn't she? Massive red flag there and actually a massive overstep on her part in my view. Also she's a girlfriend, she's not his stepmother, it's not her place to buy anything. This reminds me of my now ex-h's OW who won't let him use Whatsapp because she can't monitor it, who sabotaged father's day last year and then blamed me for my DS not seeing his father (her fault entirely) and then told my DS she was taking him shopping to buy clothes (because I had asked my ex-h to contribute to the endless amount of clothes I have to buy due to growth). DS responded "my mum buys my clothes". She would have loved to have had that control. Your ex's GF has control issues and is jealous and intimidated by you. I'd go out and BUY EVERYTHING. However, I'm a bitch .

YANBU! who does she think she is? I agree she probably had something to do with the email, if she didn't write it she was probably feeding it to your exh! And to say your ds can't get anything for him without her there..thats completely bizarre.. And not her call to make.

I would of apologised repeatedly and said that I am absolutely besides myself that I had caused such harm & upset to GF.

I would of also sent some sorry meme!
Maybe even some tit shots if they still didn't get how stupid they were being and show them what inappropriate was.

But then I'm a petty bitch so heyho!

If you agreed that then you should stick by it . Not sure why you would ever agree to that though ?

I am at the receiving end of the opposite - ex of DP will NOT vary arrangements at all - even if there was a death in the family or I was giving birth on the kitchen floor ! Sometimes these agreements have to be updated with time - perhaps yours is one of them .