I've upset ExHs GF

[WanderYonder]

TL:DR I bought a card for my ex on behalf of our son and it's upset ex's Gf.

Been separated for 3 years, divorce being finalised any day now. He lives with his GF nearly 2 hours away, DC stays with them every other weekend.

In Sainsbury's a couple of weekends ago with DC (7) and he spotted a blank card with a picture on the front that was a play on his dad's name. Hard to explain, but it wouldn't be amusing to anyone not called by Ex's name (and wasn't that funny anyway but, being 7, to DC it was hilarious).

DC asked to get it for his dad, so we did; and he wrote a little message inside and drew a picture. Ex came to collect last Friday for the weekend and DC gave him the card, all giggly. Ex did appropriate laughy reaction, said thank you, told him he'd keep it by his bed with a picture DC had drawn for him recently. Thought no more of it.

This afternoon I've had an email from Ex, which is unusual because usually we communicate via text. Very formal, and says that he would appreciate it if I refrained from purchasing any more cards for him in the future because his GF "finds it a bit inappropriate". I immediately replied and said I hadn't got him anything; the card was from his son. Got back: "Yes but we agreed a couple of years ago that GF would purchase all gifts and cards on DCs behalf for Father's Day, birthdays etc. so I think GF felt that this wasn't quite sticking to that arrangement".

I feel completely 'Wtaf' about this but I'm in a baaaad mood today anyway and I have a habit of instinctively reacting to things and then calming down and realising I might have misread the situation. So, in the spirit of trying to rein myself in just in case this is one of those times, please tell me if iabu? I'd particularly like to hear from anyone who is with someone else's ex. I've never been in that situation and I don't know, maybe this was wrong somehow?! And if I'm not BU to feel about this, what do I respond with?

Have nc'd because I'd rather this wasn't linked with my usual name.

Great reply, lets hope he has a reality check of how ridiculous he is acting.

I concur, good response without attacking the partner despite him setting you up to do so. Very fair and mature, I hope you receive a reasonable response or none at all. Good luck.

OP if I could give you a one woman standing ovation I bloody would! What a great response, perfectly put.

Hopefully it puts that pair of wankbadgers (awesome insult!) back in their box!

I’m a second wife and I think your ex’s GF is bonkers and your ex is ridiculous to indulge her bonkery. If she really wants to deny your son the pleasure of surprising his dad with a sweet gesture like that then she is far more concerned about her status than about your son’s (or ex’s) feelings. I imagine it is important to your ex to maintain his relationship with your son and made him as happy to know his son was thinking about him. And I’m sure it made your son feel close to his dad as well as reinforcing that mum and dad are on the same team, which is a vital message to give your son. On behalf of all stepmothers I apologize for the immaturity and selfishness of your ex’s GF. She is out of order.

Good reply OP, well done. Hope they see sense. Or at least pretend to see sense and let it drop.

What an excellent mature response, which is right on the money.

Great response!

Actually it is your job to help your son pick gifts for his father and f* all to do with his gf, if she don’t like it he should tell her to eff off. Sounds like a controlling bitch to me.

Brilliant response!!!

..and sadly I don't think your Ex will be allowed to buy you something from DS... unless he hides it from the GF.... she'd go crazy with jealousy, as she would see it as something your Ex did for you.

Thanks peeps Bonkery is an awesome word EllenMP. I am up to my elbows in shit gutting the house for an estate agent's valuation this weekend, but stopping for regular phone checks and no response as yet. I don't think he'll reply to be honest.

Cheers to you all for making me laugh when I was grumpy

He's somewhere on the scale between wimp and fucking idiot. She's just unhinged.

In future just tell them both that his son bought the card.

If he responds in an arsey manner you need to hide the word wankbadger in there somehow when you respond. Think hidden code like the last letter in each row or sentence. It will bring you great joy.

It’s your son buying a card for his father, why the hell should that go through his gf filter. What the hell has it got to do with her.
I think she is crazy. I’m a step mum ( and a mother) and I wouldn’t dream of saying such a ridiculous thing.

There are some memes flying around on fb by an accout called Bath and Toaster. They are very crude and very funny.

'This is Carrie. She got fired from her job working on a sex line. She gave most of her customers a nasty fucking ear infection'.

I would be tempted to find GF name, print it off and post it her so she doesn't feel left out.

Your ex’s GF obviously has a problem.
He should be spending time with his little boy and not worrying about upsetting her.
What a selfish woman man she is.

Fab response!!

Well done his GF is a controlling loon

What a total fucking tit. And his GF is a fucking lidder.

This is ridiculous. Don't show ANY anger though. Just say' ,
I'm assuming this is a joke, obviously if small child asks to buy dad a harmless card I will do it. To refuse would be petty and nasty and unfair to child. This is not inappropriate, this is normal.Thank you for your e-mail, I will not discuss this further.' She's jealous. Silly cow.

I was the GF now wife to man with a child and I would NEVER suggest this to the ex! I would add ‘best of luck with your future with her’. She’s nasty. And like a previous post suggested don’t be surprised that over time she will engineer a way to take him out of his life altogether. She’s controlling this relationship with your son now - imagine what it would be like if they have a kid together.
And I’m sorry but your ex is also a dick and it’s a shame that an amicable separation will overtime probably be untenable - especially since he was the one that had been unfaithful during your 20 year marriage and is being completely unfair to you and your son.
You’re a good person and I think you should continue doing what is right for you and your son.

Op, your response was spot on. Well done.

Your ex is a wankbadger.

Love your response OP, made the point perfectly. The card didn't involve you or GF, just DC and his dad. Excellent way to identify whats important.

I agree, he will probably just drop out of the conversation at this point. I doubt he'll even tell GF about this response just to have a quiet life.

Great reply.
If they do sit DS down for a chat about his ‘inappropriate’ behaviour though, I would absolutely buy a blank greetings card with a cat on the front, simply write ‘ODFOD’ inside and address it to her.

Good response