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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents want inheritance back

862 replies

NeededtoNC · 25/06/2019 00:21

Ten years ago, my parents decided to gift me and my brother 100k each as early inheritance within the 7 year period.

With that I bought a house (with a mortgage). Still have 15 years left on the mortgage.

Now our parents want the inheritance back because they have decided they want to buy a summer home abroad.

DB is in a position to be able to as he’s well off.
However I am not and I’m barely able to keep up with the mortgage payments as it is.

In order to give back the money I’d need to sell. My parents are aware of this and have said that if I need help to pay rent, they’ll give it to me. But they want the lump sum in order to buy their holiday home.

AIBU to not give it to them?

OP posts:
Lochroy · 25/06/2019 07:22

Sadly, they've proven they can't be trusted to keep their word - when is a gift not a gift? Nor able to make risk-free financial decisions.

Even if you were able to return the money, you have no way of knowing they'll hold true to help out.

This is bizarre and selfish. If it was all a good faith genuine gift, of course they can't have it back. Just because they lost money elsewhere they can't now ask you for money (if destitute, I'd think differently, FWIW)

They need to make a plan which is affordable within their current means.

ATrampsVest · 25/06/2019 07:22

I'd be tempted to put the house on the market at an over inflated price and then refuse any offers.

AnotherEmma · 25/06/2019 07:23

That would be a colossal waste of everyone's time.

Mrscog · 25/06/2019 07:23

No, for all the reasons above. But also because holiday homes are a pain in the arse. I have no idea why anyone would want the hassle of running and maintaining 2 homes, let alone one in another country. Especially in older age - there are so many lovely rentals now I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just rent a holiday let for a few weeks at a time!

ControversialFerret · 25/06/2019 07:24

No.

Do not sell your home.

If your brother wants to give money to them, then that's on him. I cannot believe your parents think it's acceptable for you to sell your home so that they can own two properties whilst you rent!

Tell them you don't have the money to give them and you won't be selling your house. End of discussion.

AnthonyCrowley · 25/06/2019 07:26

Wow, don't sell your home.

It was a gift, you shouldn't have to. They should have thought about this before making the gift. And how horrible that they would prioritise a holiday home above you in this way.

They also sound capable of going back on any agreement to help you with your rent.

Queenoftheashes · 25/06/2019 07:27

It’s not just selling though is it- it’s all the work you’ve done in your place, losing your home, the stress and upheaval of moving. You need to just tell them it’s not fair of them to ask you to uproot yourself like this and you can’t do it at the moment. If they wanted a summer home they could have not gifted you money in the first place.

Justathinslice · 25/06/2019 07:28

Can you remortgage for part of it? In the interest of maintaining some family harmony?

Surely if they are never in one place at a time, they can rent out/ air B&B the property they are not in? And use that to subsidise?

Medievalist · 25/06/2019 07:30

Unfortunately they can’t get the necessary mortgage due to their age and the fact they’re both retired.

I don't believe that. Also they could use Equity Release and take the money out of their existing home. Simple

If you sell and give them the £100k back, it may well be swallowed up in future care costs as pps have said. So you may never again be in a position to own your own home.,

Al203 · 25/06/2019 07:30

Brother gives them £200k and he gets that reimbursed out of their estate on death with ‘interest’.

Quartz2208 · 25/06/2019 07:31

OP you already have no relationship with your brother and your relationship with your parents is ruined either way. Gifting it back will cost you a good few thousand. I think you just say sorry it is not possible

Is the mortgage on your own

ElectricLions · 25/06/2019 07:32

No, just no.

It was a gift, they cannot now ask for it back because they fucked up the business investment. It doesn't matter whether your brother can afford it, it has nothing to do with your ability to afford it.

If your brother is floating in money maybe he can give them £200k and they take it from your inheritance.

Do not sell your house, do not remortgage.

lottiegarbanzo · 25/06/2019 07:33

It's not 'an inheritance', it was a gift. The very reason they gave you that gift was to ensure that that money was not part of their estate and would not be subject to inheritance tax.

They might choose to think of it as 'early inheritance' but the basis for their giving it to you, and the seven year rule, was exactly to ensure it did not become an inheritance.

There may never be an inheritance. (Though there might and they might be utter arses about bequething everything to your brother).

They gave you a gift. They can't expect you to have it, available to give back, years later.

BookwormMe2 · 25/06/2019 07:33

Don't sell your home and be prepared to tough it out with your parents – knowing they think so little of you to do this will make going NC much easier. What your parents are suggesting is outrageously unfair. Do you have children this would affect?

CuriousMama · 25/06/2019 07:34

This is so awful. YANBU at all!

MinnieMountain · 25/06/2019 07:35

Your lender would have required them to sign a letter saying that the money was a gift and that they would not be asking for it back. This is to protect the lender's "asset" not for money laundering. Remind them of this

And fuck family harmony. They started it.

meuh · 25/06/2019 07:36

Legally and morally, the money is yours. Hopefully your parents will come to realise that too.

00100001 · 25/06/2019 07:37

oooh! be petty and ask for gifts you gave them back.

"Oh, can you give me back that £50 I gave you for your birthday?? You know the money you used to buy that coat you love and always wear? I need the £50 to by myself an extra pair of wellies for the car, so i can wear them when i'm not at home.. thanks!"

Poloshot · 25/06/2019 07:38

Arseholes.

FairyDust92 · 25/06/2019 07:38

No they cannot have it back! They shouldn't have gifted you the 100k! Refuse OP.

Littlemisslists · 25/06/2019 07:39

It would be a firm no from me. You say you don’t want to fall out with your family but if they put you in this position and you agree to it there would be no going back from it anyway

dottiedodah · 25/06/2019 07:39

I think their circumstances have changed somewhat ,and they are maybe not quite as well off as they would like to be (Who is?!).That is not your problem though!.This is not fair on you at all.Just explain you are not in a position to give the money back ATM.If they dont like it then thats too bad! not your problem .I appreciate you dont want to fall out with them, but they are being unreasonable here not you!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/06/2019 07:41

It was a gift.

It's yours.

They are doing a horrible thing to you.

Whatever happens you and your family will suffer - if you give them the money (which they are NOT entitled to), you will have to see your home.

If you don't, doubtless they will punish you in their wills.

For you, it's lose-lose.

Personally, I wouldn't give it back. To expect you to sell your HOME for their enjoyment is a dreadful thing to do. And the way the market is at present, you wouldn't get its true value.

Apologise. Tell them you love them but you just can't do this. £100k from your brother will get them a decent enough property - or why don't they take an equity release on their present home to get further capital (not read the full thread so sorry if someone's already suggested this). Who knows, perhaps your brother is in a position to lend them the extra £100k.

I just can't believe that anyone would do this to their child for a holiday home - life-saving surgery not available on the NHS, maybe - but for THIS?

Please don't agree to this.

BumandChips · 25/06/2019 07:45

They want you to sell your home in order to fund a holiday home? No one needs a holiday home.

Don’t be pressured in to making the wrong decision out of guilt. And don’t support their poor financial decisions.

crankysaurus · 25/06/2019 07:46

I'm sorry OP, it does sound callous of them. You'd hope the gift was given out of kindness not as a way of managing their money.