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AIBU?

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Original poster

Parents want inheritance back

862 replies

NeededtoNC · 25/06/2019 00:21

Ten years ago, my parents decided to gift me and my brother 100k each as early inheritance within the 7 year period.

With that I bought a house (with a mortgage). Still have 15 years left on the mortgage.

Now our parents want the inheritance back because they have decided they want to buy a summer home abroad.

DB is in a position to be able to as he’s well off.
However I am not and I’m barely able to keep up with the mortgage payments as it is.

In order to give back the money I’d need to sell. My parents are aware of this and have said that if I need help to pay rent, they’ll give it to me. But they want the lump sum in order to buy their holiday home.

AIBU to not give it to them?

OP posts:
nrpmum · 25/06/2019 06:54

Don't breakdown costs of moving, and gifting them the money. They won't give a shit how it's going to cost you

They are incredibly selfish, and the only answer I'd be giving them is 'no, I'm not in the position to do so'. If they bleat on about your brother being able to don't respond.

You definitely need to be on the Stately Homes thread. I dip in and out occasionally, but they are all excellent there.

herculepoirot2 · 25/06/2019 06:58

This would make me feel absolutely dreadful. I would want to help them out, but I wouldn’t sell my family home to do so, so we would probably fall out.

WillLokireturn · 25/06/2019 06:58

To be clear, legally they aren't asking you to return a gift, (as they have no right to). They are asking you sell sell your only home to now gift them £100k. You don't have £100k to spare so it's an easy "No thanks"

MrsRussell · 25/06/2019 06:59

When we bought our house and a family member gave us the deposit as a gift (it was, as in your case, an early inheritance) our solicitor asked for a letter from the person stating that it was a gift and that they renounced all future claim to that money. It's something to do with money-laundering legislation I think. I guess your situaation pre-dates that legislation though?

AnotherEmma · 25/06/2019 06:59

Your family sounds very dysfunctional Sad

I agree with everyone else. You should just say no - you're not prepared to sell your home so they can buy a second home! They should get financial advice about equity release or a specialist mortgage for retired people.

If they don't like it and fall out with you, so be it.

It's hard to stand up to parents though - I sympathise Flowers

Cherrysoup · 25/06/2019 07:00

As mentioned, how about they sell THEIR house to fund a holiday home. Unbelievable!

stucknoue · 25/06/2019 07:02

I don't know how old they are but if they were estate planning I'm guessing retired ... they should leave the gifted money and look into equity release on their main residence to fund the holiday home

MsMarvellous · 25/06/2019 07:02

Well your relationship with your parents is screwed either way.

Either they feel resentful for you not doing it or you resent them for doing it.

They gave you a gift. It's not theirs anymore. You've built up your personal situation based on that. If I were you I'd say no. It's not like it's sitting in savings and you'd be returning something non tangible. You would have to give up your home. Stand firm!

vdbfamily · 25/06/2019 07:02

Do you have room for them to stay for visits? You could suggest they sell their UK house to fund new property and then when visiting, could stay with you.
My parents did the same thing 3 years ago and there is no way we could pay them back. It is just nonsense. Unless, when they gave you the money, they clearly said that they may need it back in a few years time.

PaddyF0dder · 25/06/2019 07:03

Hey Siri, show me a parable for Brexit.

AguerosAngel · 25/06/2019 07:06

YANBU OP!

You should not lose your home because they are poor financial planners, that money was a gift and you used it wisely.

As PP’s have said, you need to sit them down and explain why you will not be giving them their gift back. They have put you in a hideous situation and it is extremely unfair of them!

I would not be making any concessions to try and raise any cash to give them as a token. Are you actually sure that your DB has said that he will give them his share back with no problems, or is that just what they’re telling you?

When they gave you both this money was it played out as some sort of wildly grand gesture, “Oh yes, look at us, very well off and we can afford to give our DC £100k as a gift”?

With losing the money on the investment (which can I happen to anyone I suppose) it sounds to me as if they have a bit of a hung ho attitude to money and spending.

Do not give them anything OP do not put yourself in a vulnerable position, your DM & DM are complete CF’s for even asking!

Good luck xx

FarTooMuchWashing · 25/06/2019 07:07

They want you to give up your home so that they can have two home. Nice!
Please don’t OP. Whichever decision you make, your relationship with your parents (and brother) will be badly damaged. Don’t sacrifice yourself and you home to your parents. No one, including your parents, will thank you.

LaurieFairyCake · 25/06/2019 07:07

No, the don't NEED the summer house - they have a house. They still have a mortgage free house and money to live on.

MyOtherProfile · 25/06/2019 07:07

To be clear, legally they aren't asking you to return a gift, (as they have no right to). They are asking you sell sell your only home to now gift them £100k.

Succinctly put.

TidyDancer · 25/06/2019 07:08

Gosh this is such a horrible thing they are doing to you. I wouldn't even entertain the idea of giving them any money tbh. They are not entitled and they clearly do not need it if they are asking for your money in order to buy an extra house. They honestly sound like terrible people to be putting you in this position.

Cheby · 25/06/2019 07:10

This is horrendous! I wouldn’t pay it back OP. Your parents want to take away your existing security so they can have a holiday home?! I’m open mouthed here.

If they really push about it, I’d say you were going to sell. Maybe see an agent. After 3/4/5 months maybe put it on the market. At 50% above market value in your area. Insist that’s the only value you will sell at. Then sit back and repeat that you are trying your best to sell and it’s not your fault that you haven’t had any offers.

Reith · 25/06/2019 07:12

Could you, in theory, remortgage your house to release 100k?

Janus · 25/06/2019 07:12

Maybe brother is so wealthy he can do the full 200k and then he gets left the first 200k value of their house in parents will?
I’d honestly tell them you feel awful but you cannot sell your house and lose the 100k and then afford rent, you honestly never thought they’d ask for it back so you haven’t budgeted for that scenario.
I’d put it all down in a letter or writing of some sort and send it and then refuse to discuss again.
They are terrible for asking you to do this.
They can just rent abroad for months at a time if they took your brothers 100k and never have to upkeep a house anyway. That’s a lot of holidays!!

Kaleela · 25/06/2019 07:12

I'd be laughing the whole way to a lawyer... Do not give it back. Seek legal advice. Not your fault they make stupid decisions

HavelockVetinari · 25/06/2019 07:14

Suggest they rent abroad instead - they can rent something lovely for a decade or more on £100k, never mind any income from renting their home here.

Do not give them any money!

thegreylady · 25/06/2019 07:19

I cannot imagine asking my dc to return a financial gift! Anything I give is given with love and theirs is such a trivial reason to ask for money. To deprive you of your HOME so they can go on holiday! Just say no, though I imagine people who would ask such a thing won’t take it well.

Stompythedinosaur · 25/06/2019 07:20

I wouldn't sell your house either. I think they are being very unfair.

strawberrypenguin · 25/06/2019 07:20

Well they're clearly being very UR and sadly it's likely changed your relationship with them either way. It might come down to what is more important to you, your parents or your house.
You wouldn't be UR at all to say it's not possible to return the money, it was gifted 10 years ago and has been well used. Legally they have no claim on it.
However if you chose to return it and sold how much equity do you have in the house? I'm assuming a reasonable amount of you've been paying mortgage on it for 10 years. If you sold could you use the equity for a new mortgage on a smaller house?

Wormentrude · 25/06/2019 07:20

Whatever you do, OP, someone's going to be upset here. I'd just make sure it isn't you, if I were you.

Fact is, they created this situation with that ludicrous demand. Whether you give them the money or not - and I'd strongly recommend that you didn't - your relationship with them is going to be damaged by this. Look after yourself first. Keeping a roof over your head is much more important than their (frankly impulsive-sounding) holiday home plans.

And, beyond this? Don't accept anything else from them. Ever. Because they can't be trusted. Harsh thing to have to learn about your parents, but some people are just like that.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 25/06/2019 07:21

Oh goodness me OP what a mess they have put you in..emotionally I mean.There are no words to say to you to make you feel any better..what a stunt they have pulled. Truly horrible. If it was me I would be beyond devastated.But I have to say my mental health comes above and beyond everything so I disagree with previous posters.If you can rent I would.I would not be feeling beholden to them in any way what so ever if they had pulled a stunt like this on me.Sell the house and start again give them the money and be done with them and never ever see them again.I have a terrible streak in me when riled.I would rather have nothing and have to start from scratch than ever have anything like this hanging over my head.My decision would be more based on a fuck em take it I hope it makes you happy and don;t ever think of me again cos we are done attitude.You must be so hurt by all this....I would cut them out of my life for a stunt like this ..they could have their gift back with a bottle of champers to toast their success at fucking me and my life up but I could live with that cost they would have gained in a way but lost out in every other way possible. 100 grand for a daughter....I am a strange individual as you can see but never ever would I be used like this. I am really really sorry your parents have done this to you but it says more about them than it ever does of you and you can go on and rebulid from scratch...they can sit in their holiday home and rot ...you dont need people like this in your life .....

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