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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents want inheritance back

862 replies

NeededtoNC · 25/06/2019 00:21

Ten years ago, my parents decided to gift me and my brother 100k each as early inheritance within the 7 year period.

With that I bought a house (with a mortgage). Still have 15 years left on the mortgage.

Now our parents want the inheritance back because they have decided they want to buy a summer home abroad.

DB is in a position to be able to as he’s well off.
However I am not and I’m barely able to keep up with the mortgage payments as it is.

In order to give back the money I’d need to sell. My parents are aware of this and have said that if I need help to pay rent, they’ll give it to me. But they want the lump sum in order to buy their holiday home.

AIBU to not give it to them?

OP posts:
Whosorrynow · 27/06/2019 10:24

This reply has been deleted

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Laurajjj · 27/06/2019 10:31

I think its a bit out of order for them to just go back on their generosity and demand it back especially if they are aware it will turn your life upside down from resulting having to hand it back. Personally I'd say no, you accepted their kind gesture in good faith and with that good faith you have committed into a long term financial commitment with a mortgage.

Clairey124 · 27/06/2019 10:32

Another thought I think a frank chat with your parents about discussing it with HMRC first to discuss the implications ...

Oliversmumsarmy · 27/06/2019 11:06

But the OP wouldn’t be homeless! She would simply not be a homeowner for the time being but secure in rented accommodation

How secure is it if she can’t afford the rent.

As op puts she is just affording the mortgage.

A mortgage is far cheaper than rent and where is all this extra disposable income supposed to be coming from?

And so what if she had fallen out with her parents and brother.
Paying the mortgage is in ops control and not about other people’s whims

Do you actually believe they would help her if things went wrong even if she did give them £100,000 and made herself financially unstable

*It’s just what I would do for my Mum if I were in a position to sell a house.

I’m a farmer’s wife in ties accommodation and we have yet to buy a house to retire to*

But the parents are not asking her to sell a house they are asking her to sell her home

Because your housing is secured to your dhs job I don’t think you can appreciate what it is like living in rented accommodation and the costs and disruption every few months that it involves.

I presume you are saving for a house for your retirement. Would you give all your savings and more to the extent that you can’t ever buy a house and would have to find rent every month till the day you die to your dm so she can buy a fancy car?

If your dm wouldn’t do such a thing then you can’t compare your experience of family with the ops or anyone else’s who has dysfunctional parents

birdonawire1 · 27/06/2019 11:10

There's no guarantee you would get the money back when they die as it may be taken in care home fees.

Tell them you can't do it. It's so unreasonable of them.

Oliversmumsarmy · 27/06/2019 11:12

This reply has been deleted

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Ferret27 · 27/06/2019 11:12

Morally wrong to ask you to sell your home ... they can draw down on their home to do this .. maybe they just haven’t looked at the many alternatives out their ... in 10 years time you may not be able to afford a mortgage... and rents have gone up!

user1472482328 · 27/06/2019 11:17

Oh this thread has made it into the daily mail site

4sides · 27/06/2019 11:19

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7180041/amp/Woman-stunned-parents-ask-early-inheritance-back.html

Good, the parents might see it and realise that their behaviour is extraordinary.

Whosorrynow · 27/06/2019 11:49

If her parents think that they have grounds to demand repayment of a gift then she also has grounds to demand that gifts are returned, perhaps she could draw up a balance sheet of all the things that she has given her parents?

Whosorrynow · 27/06/2019 11:51

They're acting like feudal overlords.... it's appalling

Schoolchoicesucks · 27/06/2019 12:14

It's unfortunate that their financial circumstances changed meaning they can no longer afford to buy outright a holiday home.

However, they gifted you £100k. Them asking for it back as though it was a loan completely counteracts their intentions of it being excluded from their estate for IHT. Any advice they had around minimising IHT would have clearly told them this. A gift is a gift not a loan.

If it was for surgery or care or they were struggling to pay bills or you could spare it, it might be nice to loan them the money. But not for them to buy a holiday home.

Op YANBU but how to communicate with them - such cheeky fuckers, you have my sympathy

Oliversmumsarmy · 27/06/2019 12:15

Daily fail have missed the point.

It was never an inheritance as no one died.

It was a gift

caringcarer · 27/06/2019 13:09

That is horrible of your parents to put a holiday home abroad ahead of your home. You need to get legal advise. If it was a gift did they sign anything to say it was a gift? I am assuming you did not sign anything to say you would pay it back. If they loved you and had your best interest at heart they would not ask for a gift back. I would seek legal advise and get solicitor to write to your parents stating a gift is non returnable and that once you received the generous gift you based your future plans of buying a home on it. Good luck OP I am rooting for you.

JonSnowIsALoser · 27/06/2019 14:05

@Whosorrynow
“No wonder OP has disappeared!
this story is now headlining around the world, I wonder if it's even real?”

Posts like this, which crop up from time to time on MN, drive me crazy. Just because someone has a serious problem that you will likely never find yourself in doesn’t mean it’s made up.

Some mumsnetters accused me of being a troll and making it up a few years back after I asked for advice about my marital problems, which were very real indeed.

A bit of sympathy and understanding please for those less fortunate than you. Or if you can’t muster any, just don’t comment at all.

solargain · 27/06/2019 14:17

I can't believe what I'm reading. You
Poor thing op. Sad

LucyAutumn · 27/06/2019 15:43

This is unbelievably cold on your parents part and irreversibly damaging of your trust and relationship with them, no matter what the outcome.

haloumi · 27/06/2019 15:56

Tell them to bugger off. See them in court....

and never speak to them again! …

Cheeky C's

wowfudge · 27/06/2019 16:36

Are they elderly? Wouldn't it perhaps be a better idea for them to rent somewhere/buy a timeshare as they can't afford to buy a holiday home outright?

Casiloco · 27/06/2019 20:03

Blimey if there was ever a thread which demonstrated the benefits of taking proper independent financial advice it is this one.

  1. Any adviser worth their salt would have forewarned that the "gift" would only be wise if it really isn't not going to be claimed back - and would have talked about possible changes in circumstances and the implications.
  2. Any adviser would likely have warned them off whatever dodgy unauthorised business venture lost them money in the first place.
  3. Any adviser would have informed the parents of the alternatives to rendering their DD homeless - e.g. Equity release (easily arranged these days)
  4. Clarified with them whether a holiday home was really the best course of action in any case or if it would simply be easier to use the funds released from their property to spend winters in the sun.
  5. Clarified whether this really is a "holiday home" (in which case, how is the DD's rent going to be paid when they are not on holiday??)

What a muddle and I bet you no advice has been taken at any stage.

QueenBeee · 28/06/2019 07:29

And if it's a holiday home in the EU is this the ideal time?

coastey · 28/06/2019 10:06

I find the comments unbelievable! Gone are the days when parents are given the respect and trust they deserve. The money was transferred under the 7 year rule to save money that would be lost in tax under inheritance in the future, in this case to the children, no benefit to the parents. The parents did it in good faith, whether it is a holiday home or not, it is needed back for the enjoyment of their retirement. They have already given so much of their lives to raising the children. It is just unbelievable the attitude other reviews have towards their parents. These parents obviously had their offsprings' interests at heart. In England it is down to the good will of the parents to eventually leave inheritance. They can leave it to who ever they they wish except in the case of estoppel. If I was the parent of most of the reviewers I would leave it to the cats home. There is little care or compassion shown for those parents who are organising the end of their life! They are buying a holiday home that will anyway go to the children and enjoyed by all in the meantime. Very sad. So many desperate money grabbing offsprings.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 28/06/2019 10:13

coastey but they are going to leave their daughter homeless. Their daughter did not grab the money, she was gifted it and as such invested in her home, she didnt squander it and now they want to pull the rug from under her.

As for "given so much of their lives to raising children"- you have no idea what kind of parents they were to the OP. But their current actions are not that of "good" parents.

tomtom1999xx · 28/06/2019 10:21

The children weren’t ‘money grabbing’ the parents gifted the money!
I think it’s terrible to ask for it back, especially as the op will have to sell her home.

EnchentButteler · 28/06/2019 10:29

Are they going to ask for their money back from the 'bad business investment'? No. Because that's not their money anymore either! It sounds like they still want the retirement they planned before they lost their money but life isn't like that. They need to adjust to the money they DO have, not the money they used to have.

For them to want to make you homeless so they can have 2 homes is selfish in the extreme. Family relations are only going to go one way from now on. Either you're resentful or they are. At the moment you are in a position to keep your happiness and your house so that's the route I'd take.

This is my home and I don't think it's fair of you to ask me to give it up so you have 2.