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AIBU?

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Original poster

Parents want inheritance back

862 replies

NeededtoNC · 25/06/2019 00:21

Ten years ago, my parents decided to gift me and my brother 100k each as early inheritance within the 7 year period.

With that I bought a house (with a mortgage). Still have 15 years left on the mortgage.

Now our parents want the inheritance back because they have decided they want to buy a summer home abroad.

DB is in a position to be able to as he’s well off.
However I am not and I’m barely able to keep up with the mortgage payments as it is.

In order to give back the money I’d need to sell. My parents are aware of this and have said that if I need help to pay rent, they’ll give it to me. But they want the lump sum in order to buy their holiday home.

AIBU to not give it to them?

OP posts:
Winterlife · 27/06/2019 06:41

Do you really want to destroy your relationship with your parents, OP? They must be fairly desperate to ask you for this money.

Of course your relationship won’t be the same either way, but it’s gone completely if you don’t return the gift.

Biblio78 · 27/06/2019 06:43

See a solicitor and check how you stand.
This is proof of my personal theory that regardless of background, there are two types of parent.
One sees their children as their future and see it as right they encourage and support their children to have more stable happier lives than them.
The other type of parent sees their children's reason for existence as solely there to make the parents lives better.
Sounds like you sre going to find out very painfully what type you have. YANBU

C0untDucku1a · 27/06/2019 06:46

Winterlife pretty desperate for a holiday home that will cost op her actual home?

tomtom1999xx · 27/06/2019 06:53

I’d understand it if they needed the money for something like healthcare, but a holiday home?
They are being very unreasonable imo, I’d certainly never do that to my children, but if they are being insistent then I’d give them the money back and keep future contact to a minimum.

Teacher22 · 27/06/2019 07:20

“Teacher22 - Well they say the truth hurts!
The baby boomers didn't even fight in the bloody war, instead just reaped all the rewards. My parents attitude is shocking, they bleat about the duration that interest rates hit 15% as though it lasted for decades, but happily forget all the perks they've enjoyed throughout their lives and still enjoy, whilst both their previous generation suffered and todays generation suffer and will never have the benefits they enjoyed.
Wrong on so many levels.“

You are clearly very emotionally exercised about this issue and are so emotionally charged that you will not be amenable to evidence, fact and reason. However, I would point out that it has always been the case that people enjoying the fruits of a lifetime’s labour and who have saved for their old age are always going to be somewhat better off than the generation just starting out.

It is also true that there were advantages and disadvantages to being a BB and also pluses and minuses to being born later. I don’t propose to list them as you seem happier having a rant than arguing rationally.

I would say, though, that from my heady height of BB experience and wisdom, those who are grateful, happy, and optimistic do reasonably happily in life and cope with adversity and those who are jealous, resentful, angry and bitter poison their own well. Even when circumstances are better for them, their own negative emotions prevent them from enjoying their successes and blessings.

winniestone37 · 27/06/2019 07:25

This is awful, my instinct is no don't give it back and how dare they ask for it. Can you get an hours legal advice?

TheRedBarrows · 27/06/2019 07:43

fib88
“Something doesn’t add up here - your parents can sign a property away to you and you’re brother and if they die after the 7 years no inheritance tax is due ,.. but you are only allowed to gift £4,000 per year total not per child - they couldn’t of given you both £100,000 legally. There are very strict laws and your parents risk being prosecuted if caught !”

Of the many, many posts on this thread that demonstrate a complete lack of understanding as to how IHT works this is one of the most ridiculous.

You cannot be prosecuted for simply giving your offspring gifts of over £4K . (Assuming that the money is not stolen or part of some other illegal transaction)

Smelborp · 27/06/2019 08:01

Just don’t OP. They don’t need a holiday home, and if they really feel they do, they have other options they can explore before making you homeless.

LoafofSellotape · 27/06/2019 08:06

They gave it to you over ten years ago. You spent it. It's gone. End of story

Exactly!

Disfordarkchocolate · 27/06/2019 08:06

Ate you one of the parents or the brother @Arkenfield3001

Winterlife · 27/06/2019 08:14

C0untDucku1, it’s a matter of their perception.

Putting aside the absolute unfairness of this situation, I can't imagine basically telling my parents to piss off.

user1472482328 · 27/06/2019 08:36

I think you need to speak to a professional about this . IHT is a mine field so advise is paramount.
I notice someone has put about you are only allowed to gift a certain amount of money in a year and that the gift you have been could be illegal and stating that others no nothing about IHT .
A person can gift a larger amount as long as they live over the seven years, as you’ve stated in your OP, so IHT doesn’t have to be paid .
As to paying them back surely this gift is written down in their will for it to be all above board . Not sure what the legal implications are if you do pay it back .
Assuming you do pay it back then surely it would be classed as a gift (again, but to your parents) and the living over seven years would come into force (again, meaning you this time) . As I put earlier I really do think you need professional advice on this matter as I don’t think it’s as cut and dry as your parents might think .

squooz · 27/06/2019 09:00

When my parents died I used my inheritance to set up a bridging loan for my brother to help him move house - basically it was a mortgage agreement between us - his property secured the loan - tell your parents to ask your brother to do this for them for the remainder of the money they need. We did it on a repayment period of 5 years. All legal and with house as security so we were all covered.

Arkenfield3001 · 27/06/2019 09:26

@Disfordarkchocolate

No I’m not at all!

It’s just what I would do for my Mum if I were in a position to sell a house.

I’m a farmer’s wife in ties accommodation and we have yet to buy a house to retire to.

Arkenfield3001 · 27/06/2019 09:27

@squooz

That’s a fantastic idea! Very sound advice X

Disfordarkchocolate · 27/06/2019 09:30

The thing is @Arkenfield3001 the OP makes herself homeless and financially unstable if she returns this gift to her parents. Would your Mum expect this from her children and grandchildren? For a holiday home?

Arkenfield3001 · 27/06/2019 09:31

@Smelborp

There’s a fine difference between being homeless on the street & simply not owning a home! You can rent as a professional and never end up homeless.

mary1066 · 27/06/2019 09:35

What's baffling to me is why such generous and thoughtful parents turned out to be like this 10 years later! That would be my very first thought.

If I were you, I'd explain my situation to them and how badly the whole thing has been affecting my physical and mental health and them paying my rent wouldn't help me in that for the foreseeable future . If I saw then that they still insisted on having the 100k back, I'd get a 100k mortgage to keep my house by getting a part time job to pay for it. That's if I can. I'd also explain to them that it would be very simplistic of them to think that I could live the way they've suggested that I'd inherit it at the end anyway. I'll tell them how badly I feel already by having accepted their gift in the first place and at the same time not being well off enough to pay them back as easily as my brother can. I'll also explain to them that I would have made different choices if I wasn't gifted that money and that their gift affected the choices I made 10 years ago. Hopefully they'll see that they take some responsibility for that.

But that's me and how I'd deal with the situation and everyone's different. It's still baffling that how such kind, generous and thoughtful parents turn out to be so thoughtless 10 years later.

Arkenfield3001 · 27/06/2019 09:40

@Disfordarkchocolate
But the OP wouldn’t be homeless! She would simply not be a homeowner for the time being but secure in rented accommodation with more disposable income to go out on holiday and when the time comes be gifted back her share of the holiday home. I really don’t see why people equate renting with homelessness. In Holland or Germany people survive quite happily with 30% of the population owning their house of dreams and 70% renting perfectly adequate flats or family homes.
The OP is struggling to such an extent with the mortgage on her house she could end up making herself homeless anyway due to repossession having already fallen out with her parents and her brother. That’s all I’m saying Xxx

Disfordarkchocolate · 27/06/2019 10:05

She would be moving from secure to unsecured accommodation. Instead of being in control of her own housing she is at the mercy of a landlord who can sell at any time. In many areas, if she has loved in a home for 10 years the rent on an equivalent house in the same area will be more than the mortgage. Not something I'd ever do to my children or grandchildren.

Gromit78 · 27/06/2019 10:06

Sod that for a lark. They are willing to own two properties whilst you have to pay rent (even with their financial help). That is insane! I am against people owning second homes when there is a housing shortage in this country.

I have been forced to go from home owner to rented accommodation and it's sooo depressing. I don't feel I can make the home my own and I don't feel secure. I don't want to spend money painting it etc. coz it's not my property and I am paying the landlord a lot of rent and they don't want to invest in the property. Renting sucks in this country!

Therefore, if I was in your position I would say 'no'. Their holiday home is not a necessity. They can rent out any holiday home in their retirement. They shouldn't be so selfish.
I think if the matter went to court, then it would go in your favour as it was a gift.

TheCatThatDanced · 27/06/2019 10:12

Arkenfield3001 - if OP decided to rent this would be a disadvantage for her if rents rise, landlords change etc.

Most solicitors (and I've worked for them) would say that if OP and her DH's names are on the deeds of the house they've bought and if this money to buy the house was a gift then the DP's have none or little claim to the property.

However, if there is a future inheritance involved from the DP's then OP may have to miss out on this if she refuses to give money or sell her family home now.

GabriellaMontez · 27/06/2019 10:17

Arkenfield3001 do you have any idea how precarious it is renting privately in this country?

The OP is not in Holland or Germany.

Ponoka7 · 27/06/2019 10:17

It might have been suggested, but if a £100k is nothing to your DB can't he help them further?

It could be written out legally and he take it out of the inheritance.

Don't give up your house. It's a unsettled time for the UK. Your relationship will be effected whatever you do, so make your decision be in your favour.

Read the thread about the Student DD who wants to move out of a flatshare and share with her Boyfriend. Many, including the OP, are saying that if she wants to make her own decisions, she funds it completely herself.

Your Parents will control the rest of your life.

llewellyn25 · 27/06/2019 10:21

What an awful situation to put you in! You don't have the 100k sitting in a bank account so you can't give it back to them. I think they are being utterly ridiculous for asking for it back for a holiday home. I can't believe a holiday home is more important to them than your home. Please don't sell your house to give them the money.